to not want my PILs to take DS out for the afternoon?

[DewinDoeth]

He's nearly 2.
They want to take him to the zoo, but he's never been before, and I want to be there too (they want time alone with him, and they want me to 'enjoy myself' without him). Also the Zoo isn't 5 minutes away, it's more like 1 hour. I don't let anyone take DS more than 20 mins away from me (except maybe DH but I can't think of an example though). I'm really silly like that, but there's no need - and I won't enjoy my time at home/at work if I'm worried.
I don't go out or anything and don't spend much time away from him, although I do work (15 mins away! ) and think that on the weekend, I want to spend time with DS.

I know I'm silly, but he's only a baby once. Plus I have major paranoia and a vivid imagination of things happening when I'm not there and I would not be able to do anything, and would never ever forgive myself.

He doesn't see them very often because they live the other side of the country. They have never babysat him or spent any time alone with him.
MIL 'doesn't do nappies'.
PIL is a 'traditional' man and doesn't do anything mundane so he wouldn't change a nappy. (What I'm saying is that's just the way he is and I'm not arguing - I don't agree, it's not the way it is in our house.)

Finally, and this is the big one, DS doesn't speak English, and PILs don't speak anything else.
They are very annoyed and 'saddened' that DS doesn't speak English, but he will learn it in time. The language of our home (my DH included) is not English.

AIBU and how do I get around this without being (a) mean, because of course they want to spend time with their DGS, and I'm not trying to stop them, but there are practicalities...
and (b) racist on the language issue.

Agree with WidowWadman. (I kind of assumed you're Welsh, as my mum's Welsh.) It's sad that the GP are upset about the language thing, and your DS could surely learn both together so he could communicate with GP. He'd be as bilingual as you, as with your encouragement it wouldn't override the dominant language. (But as you say, another thread )

Re the zoo trip, it's perfect for you all to go along together, your PIL could learn some of your language, your son could learn some English, and you could change the nappies [emoticon for yuck!].

Obviously meant "it wouldn't be overridden by the dominant language"...

You could just say you don't want to miss DS's first trip to the zoo - which is perfectly understandable as I certainly won't be missing DDs

This is also unrelated to your actual OP: I'm intrigued, how will your DS learn English if you don't speak it at home and you live in a Welsh-speaking community?

Why not suggest a compromise - you go to the zoo with them, and spend a bit of time with your ds and his grandparents, then let them take him off for an hour or so, whilst you sit down and have a cup of coffee and read a book, or wander round the local shops.

You can explain that you are worried about the language and the nappies, and this will mean you are there to deal with the latter, and that you aren't too far away if there are any problems. And hopefully it will all go swimmingly well, and you will be reassured, and another time you may let his grandparents take him out alone for a bit longer.

As far as I see it, OP lives in Wales, both parents speak Welsh, welsh is used widely in wales, why does OP's son need to learn English ?

Judging by the username the language is Welsh...

I think YABU and may be using the "practicalities" (nappy, language etc) as an excuse - surely they wouldn't leave your DS in a dirty/wet nappy for the afternoon, and as they have been parents they will know to offer snacks/lunch/a drink as needed.

I'm not sure you will be able to get out of this without seeming a bit precious and controlling to them...but maybe you could suggest an activity more local than the zoo as a compromise?

Tryharder I don't think I'm precious and overcontrolling, but I guess it does look that way. Hm, will attempt to rectify that!
I have differences with my PILs, but I don't dislike them - they're hard work as they have different expectations, e.g. when they come to stay they like hotel-level service, when, alas, I'm rather sloppy and a sh!te cook. I'm not trying to stop them at all; it's not like they get to see him very often anyway because they live 250 miles away; I just think this particular zoo trip isn't ideal for anyone.

Nappies - gawd knows. Yes, she changed her 2 DCs nappies. But proudly announced to my Mum and all my friends and relatives at DS's baptism that 'she doesn't do nappies'. It thoroughly upset my Mum (long story, Mum has an inferiority complex, and anyway I don't want to start bitching having said I don't dislike them per se) and she's repeated this to me many times. No idea what it's about (I personally am not a big fan of poo close up, but hey, you have to do these things!) but it does seem like a bit of a barrier to babysitting...

My nationality has been outed! I live in a particularly Welsh-speaking area on Anglesey.

ahhh its welsh!! (i did guess before anyone said btw) well done your dh!

gerontious It's interesting how, even in communities where Welsh is the main language, English is picked up. There is no such thing as a completely Welsh community, so children will pick it up socially... Also, if DewinDoeth's PiL are English-speaking, the child will learn it that way.

My IL's are very good with my DS. He is GC7 and they have been very hands on with all of the GC's. I have no problem with them taking him anywhere. They even took him to his first pantomime which I was sad to miss but as I had only had DD by ELCS 3 days earlier, I couldn't have gone anyway and it was nice for us all to have a day off.

Having said all that - I wouldn't let the GP's take my son out in your circumstances. If he hates ITNG because he doesn't understand the language then he's going to be very stressed at a zoo where the predominant language is English, especially if his only carers (who he doesn't know well) only speak English too. Like you said earlier, they're not going to understand him if he asks for a drink or snack even. The nappy thing would worry me too.

I would ask to go to. When there, stay in the background and let him get on with enjoying his day with his GP's. You'll be there for translations, nappy changes and security and he can get on with bonding with the GP's. Take lots of photos of the three of them together for them to take home and cherish

Fibilou, I'd say the son needs to learn English to talk to his grandparents. And if I were the grandparents, I'd be learning Welsh, to talk to my inlaws .

YANBU - if they're really interested in getting to know DS and building up a relationship with him then they need to do shorter visits/trips first. And I can understand why you'd want to be first to bring him to the zoo. It would be odd for DS to go out for quite a long trip with people he doesn't know very well and who he doesn't understand.

Doesn't do nappies indeed!

gerontius we are in Britain. He'll pick it up with no effort at all, as I did. It's amazing to behold, apparently!

Fibilou like it!

I think the best plan is a trip to the zoo en masse, or a closer local trip.

I'm still willing to start a separate language-issue thread. It's really interesting for me to see how I might be viewed from the outside, as it were. (Don't all shout 'precious' at once, now! )

I am of welsh extraction (Dad is welsh) but we speak no welsh as he moved here as a boy. I would give anything to be able to speak welsh and teach DD so I heartily applaud you for teaching him welsh as his first language.

What about my compromise, Dewin? Go with them to the zoo, but go off on your own, so they get an hour or so with your ds.

Cretaceous DON'T GET ME STARTED - they will not learn a 'pointless language like Welsh'!! Saying please and thank you in Welsh would be polite, and indeed, appreciated; I'm not expecting fluency.
But that's for the other thread which could become inflammable...

cretacious "I'd say the son needs to learn English to talk to his grandparents"

I'm sure the OP has done her research and has made the right decision as to how to best ensure her DS becomes proficient in both languages at the right time. No point screwing all this up so as not to leave the GP's out somehow. Also not many 2yo's have proper conversations .

Dewin - I taught my dses how to say thank-you in welsh just for a holiday in Wales - seemed like only good manners to me.

Yes - I'd rather go to some shops alone. And I change nappies all the time - one more nappy before I go would be a minor issue really. They get their quality time, I get the zoo trip and relaxing time off (not anxious time off).
Will moot the idea and see how we go.

How can they say it's pointless if their grandson has it as his first language ? They sound like a prize pair from what you've said Dewin

What Cretacious said!

(Oh, and well done for the husband to learn Welsh. I keep toying with the idea of wanting to learn to speak Welsh every time I go to Wales.

I take it they are fluent in a "useful" second language like Cantonese or Spanish, then .

(oh and I'm actually embarassed that I don't even know the Welsh for "Please" and "Thank you")

I kind of know how you feel DewinDoeth- My DH learned Welsh and we speak it exclusively to the DCs. But his family, though lovely, just don't get it and think we're being a bit weird. "But what jobs will they get if they can only speak Welsh?"
Your inlaws sound much worse though...