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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have a joint bank account with DH?

67 replies

BusyMissIzzy · 04/06/2010 12:31

Reading another thread, I just wondered how common/uncommon it is for couples to have separate bank accounts. DH and I have one joint account, but only for when we get cheques in joint names. We keep our money separate; until recently DH paid the mortgage and I paid everything else, and that worked out roughly equal (I'm now on maternity leave so DH pays everything except grocery shopping). We'd take turns to pay for meals out/treats etc. Is this weird? It's just the way we've always done it, and it seems to work for us. Only thing is he earns more so has more "spare" money, but I think that's fair enough as he's earned it.

OP posts:
CarlaBruni · 04/06/2010 12:35

We're the same. Doesn't cause a problem.

funkychunkymunky · 04/06/2010 12:35

I think every couple does it differently. DH earns 3 times what I do but all money goes into one bank account and everything gets paid out of there.
The way we see it, we both work as equally hard at very different jobs so we are both entitled to the money.

Cloudbase · 04/06/2010 12:35

I never had one with ex DH - not unusual at all, I think. It works for some people but doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your relationship if you don't.

When I was growing up, my DM always used to say to me (adopts thick, welsh accent) "Always have your own bank account and your own car - be independant!!! (tone implying much doom and gloom to come)

Firawla · 04/06/2010 12:37

if you're happy with it then its fine, doesnt matter what others think
we dont have a joint account either but i have dh's credit cards & just use that, so not as if no joint account means the wife has nothing and he just gives her 'allowance' or nething like that, it can be easily made to work. taking turns to pay for meals out etc is weird to me but i know alot of people do it (my dh just pays everything...)

rubyslippers · 04/06/2010 12:38

We have a joint account

Everything goes in and out of it

DH has been earning more than me for years but we share all monies equally

Always have and it works for us

dinkystinky · 04/06/2010 12:39

If it works for you guys then that's fine.

DH earns more than me - we have a joint account we equally contribute to and pay mortgage, bills, groceries, kids clothes, trips out etc from this. DH pays for the nanny from his account(as he earns so much more than me). I generally pay the cleaner and nanny's kitty from my account.

YouMightKnowMe · 04/06/2010 12:40

Doesn't matter...because (I think) that all money on both accounts - even in your seperate names - belongs to both of you....at least in the event of a divorce or seperation I think that all oies in all accounts form part of the asset pool to be divided.

The same is not rue for unmarried couples.

I am happy to be corrected if I am wrong

Original poster
BusyMissIzzy · 04/06/2010 12:40

Actually I think if we had a joint account DH would spend all his money then start spending mine Glad to now it's not considered too strange, was worried everyone would be all "OMG you must share equally "

OP posts:
ILovePlayingDarts · 04/06/2010 12:54

DP and I have always had our own bank accounts, we've never had a joint one. Moeny is used fairly from each account, so I guess that after 23 years, we've worked things out okay!

Kathyjelly · 04/06/2010 13:05

No, it's not weird. Whatever works for you. We're separate too. He has three children but only one is mine so therefore he has other calls on his finances.

If a major financial issue comes up, it ensures we talk about it which is a good failsafe.

ChocHobNob · 04/06/2010 13:13

I don't think it's unreasonable. It's what works for that particular couple.

We have a joint account that my husband's wages go into and as I'm a SAHM, the child benefit and tax credits also go into. All direct debits come out of that and then we discuss purchases between us. I spend as I like but he does ask me for money, only because there were issues with gambling many years ago.

We do also have separate accounts. He kept one open for him as he still gets cheques and such in his name which need cashing.

I have an account to put money in if receive a lump sum and want to save it, like tax credits back pay for example.

This works for us.

bunkers · 04/06/2010 13:14

However you decide to manage your money, if it works for you both and you're both happy then it doesn't matter what you do.

Personally, DH and I have a joint account. But only since we had dd1 and I became a sahm. I'm not earning an income at the moment, so he would have to transfer money to my account to cover my spending. Makes sense for us that we just share. Before starting a family we had separate accounts though.

tyler80 · 04/06/2010 13:15

My parents have never had a joint account, I don't either. Everything comes out of my account and OH transfers his share to me. Nothing complicated about it at all.

Very frustrating getting sent joint cheques though, especially when it's a refund for something that's been paid out an account in my name only. Our council tax refund came like this, we don't share a name, for all the council knows we could have been friends in a house share so why make out a cheque to both of us

TrillianAstra · 04/06/2010 13:17

We have a joint account for joint expenses but also separate accounts for personal expenses.

Do as you like, really, as long as you are both happy with it and you are not getting a bad deal.

MrKiplingismypimp · 04/06/2010 13:18

I knew a couple who earned vastly different wages.

He earned 70% more than her, so they split everything (within reason) by the 70/30 ratio so they paid the same 'amount'.

Unsure if thats best but does show you can make up your own rules in this arena. Never a right or wrong way!

peppapighastakenovermylife · 04/06/2010 13:18

I notice a few of you have said 'DH earns loads more than me, we have a joint account, all our money is split. It works great'

Really . Not going to argue with that one are you

I am joking as family money should obviously be split, different roles, different pay etc.

However is there anyone out there who earns loads more than their husband yet only has a joint account?

ChocHobNob · 04/06/2010 13:21

If at some point in the future I earned a lot more than my husband, we would carry on as we are with a joint account. We just don't see it as "my money and your money", it's "our money".

Elasticwoman · 04/06/2010 13:25

We had separate accounts until recently. Now we have one joint account to which we both contribute agreed amounts and from which direct debit bills are paid, but we also retain our own accounts for everything else.

GetOrfMoiLand · 04/06/2010 13:34

I have never had a joint account and will never intend to. I am like cloudbase's mum, without the strong welsh accent!

I earn more than DP - we split all bills in half equally. What is left over from that is free for each individual to spend as they like. I would not want a joint bank account - if DP wants the same money as I do he needs to earn more, frankly.

DP starts a new contract next month and he will end up with a salary a lot greater than mine. The same principle applies. Split teh bills equally and have individual spending money and savings accounts. I would not want to spend his money and I would not want him to spend mine.

Works for us. I don;t think there is a rigt or wrong way, just do what you are happy with.

CardiCorgi · 04/06/2010 13:37

I earn more than my husband and we have a joint account. It works well

We also have a "pocket money" account each for day to day cash, and personal things e.g. clothes and shoes come from personal accounts. We get the same amount of pocket money.

If at some point one of us works part time to look after children then we would still carry on with this arrangement, after all working at home is still work of a sort even if it's not paid.

DuelingFanjo · 04/06/2010 13:42

we're the same. One bank account each and a savings account we both pay into in both our names.

I was rather surprised though to get a letter from Halifax the other day addressed to my married name with my mortgage statement in it. The mortgage is on my house which I bought in my maiden name before I married my DH. The payments go out of my Natwest account which is in my maiden name. Our savings account is with the halifax so I guess that's why?

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 04/06/2010 13:53

I don't think YABU I think whatever works for each family is the way forward
BUT
"Only thing is he earns more so has more "spare" money, but I think that's fair enough as he's earned it"
I think this would be a problem for ME if the reason he earnt more than I do is because I had a part-time job because of childcare.

Howeer some SAHM think they are not entitled to any spare fun money whilst their DH has a couple of hundred left over every month to do with what he wants because he works and they stay at home. The reason he is able to work is because she stays at home, let's see how much he had leftover if had to fork out for childcare.

thumbwitch · 04/06/2010 13:56

Works fine, imo.

However - the joint account needs to have a working amount of money in it if your own account is going to be reduced because of maternity leave etc. because if (God forbid) anything happened to your DH, his personal account would be frozen, while the joint account would still be accessible.

Not the jolliest thing to think about (have just been on Tunnocks' thread, I think that's why it's at the top of my brain) but worth thinking about.

diamondsandtiaras · 04/06/2010 14:03

we had separate accounts until I became a sahm.......at that point we had to have a joint account otherwise i would have no access to any money! Separate accounts worked fine for that before that though.

Mingg · 04/06/2010 14:16

Separate accounts - always have always will