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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i probably am but.....SIL nagging about wedding attendance moan

61 replies

bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:12

she has set her wedding date on the exact same day as my EDD, in two weeks time.

this wedding date was set only a month ago so she can't claim ignorance as all the family has known my EDD since my 20 week scan.

i am having an elcs next friday so i won't be attending but dh gave a maybe, perhaps, see how it goes type answer as to whether he will attend.
i have no real problem with dh going if he wants to as i have mum and sisters nearby to help if needs be. i don't want him to go though as we should be enjoying our new baby together, but i won't stop him.

only now sil is ramping up the nagging 'are you coming or not', 'need to know numbers for food' type thing and it's really starting to hack me off. if she was so desperate for dh to attend why did she make her wedding date my effing EDD, ffs??? DH isn't sure he wants to go all the way to london so soon after the baby and has repeatedly told her so but still she keeps going on.

ILs eh! who'd 'ave 'em?

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 02/06/2010 19:15

YANBU

she is, maybe best to just say no then

slushy06 · 02/06/2010 19:17

Yanbu

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:19

dh can't give an outright no (or he could if he grew a bit of backbone!) as sil wil have one of her precious princess tantrums.

OP posts:
AliGrylls · 02/06/2010 19:20

Just say you're not going and then it's an end to the discussion.

PlumBumMum · 02/06/2010 19:21

YANBU
But bridezilla will not see that until she has children of her own,
she probably can't see why it is so hard for your dh to make up his mind, It is only the price of one dinner,
I think if it was me I would tell her not to worry about the dinner and if I can make I will be there, (on my wedding day they told me they always make a few extra dinners just incase) tell her he can't possibly know how the 2 of you will feel a week after your baby has arrived,

good luck by the way and enjoy your new arrival

GeekOfTheWeek · 02/06/2010 19:24

He needs to say no.

YANBU. She is.

Firawla · 02/06/2010 19:26

if she is pushing for an answer and wont accept a "maybe" i would think it would have to be a "no" then? let her have a tantrum.. what does she expect making it on ur due date in the first place

narna · 02/06/2010 19:26

YANBU i would be thinking she picked that day on purpose,is she jealous of you? either that or a bit dim,dont get why she HAD to pick that date

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:27

said all that plum. it falls on deaf ears.

think the nagging will only get worse as there is 'parental disapproval', putting it mildly, from both sides about this wedding (muslim marrying non muslim) and she is worried about if anyone will turn up i suppose.

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 02/06/2010 19:28

YANBU

Your dh needs to stop being a wimp and tell her no.

When did you get the invite?

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:31

it was such a sudden announcement that there are no proper invites, just a phonecall from fil saying sil is getting married!

OP posts:
PlumBumMum · 02/06/2010 19:31

well if she had it a month later she would have 3 guests, or does she not want you and your new baby to get lots of attention?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 02/06/2010 19:32

Is she your husband's sister?

I would say no.

Plumm · 02/06/2010 19:34

YANBU - tell DH to say no then put the phone down - she can have her tantrum with someone else (fiancee, maybe, so he can find out what he's in for)

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:35

yes, dh's sister.

no idea if she is jealous of baby, think it's more to do with getting it done quickly so grooms ultra religious parents can't talk him out of marrying sil and into marrying muslim girl of their choice.

OP posts:
LoveBeing34 · 02/06/2010 19:39

Can't dhs parents get her off his back. It's better for him to come out and say no now instead of letting her down on the day.

Meglet · 02/06/2010 19:41

Well, obviously there's no way you can go, she is bonkers. But TBH I think at the very most your DH should only go for the ceremony, and that's if it's not too far away.

If she wants to be bridezilla let it be her problem. You will have a new small person to look after, and you will need help as you are recovering from the cs.

lovechoc · 02/06/2010 19:44

your SIL maybe could not get the reception booked on any other day but the day your are due. I wouldn't take it personally. It is just unfortunate that both events have clashed.

I know you have already said she knew your EDD but she maybe had other reasons for having her wedding at this time.

You won't manage to go and I doubt your DH will go as he'll want to stay and help you with the new baby, but just send your regrets and wish them well IMO. Don't let it get you down - you have more pressing matters going on!

compo · 02/06/2010 19:44

I think your dh needs to decide whether he's going or not and tell her asap tbh

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 02/06/2010 19:47

You could be early of course or even 2 weeks late.

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:47

not really lovebeing, pils are scared of upsetting her and pushing her further into his arms, they do not approve of this wedding one bit but don't want to push her away.

anyhoo, getting sidetracked from original issue. we will probably have to keep saying maybe until baby is born, then dh has a more tangible reason for saying no if he decides not to go.
i'll have to ask dh not to tell me when sil nags as it makes my blood boil.

OP posts:
TiggyR · 02/06/2010 19:48

YADNBU!!!

What a selfish daft cow. Sounds like she's jealous and trying to get some of the attention off you and onto her. If I were your DH, I'd say 'Well sorry, but under the circumstances, if you can't understand my situation then I had best just say No. After all, wouldn't want to inconvenience you at all, would we?'

Has she not thought through how, if you give birth halfway through her big day, all the talk/excitement/anticipation is going to focus on you, which will take some of the limelight off her?

What an odd girl.

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/06/2010 19:48

I think your dh should go as you have mum and sisters nearby to help.

She is not really being a bridezilla. She just needs to know numbers for catering etc.

She is nbu, your dh is prob bu.

DetectivePotato · 02/06/2010 19:49

I think your DH's place is with you on that day. His sister shouldn't have booked her wedding on your EDD. Let her throw a tantrum. You and the baby are more important.

Anyway you can tell her yourself that DH won't be there and tell him you have made the decision for him?

Original poster
bamboobutton · 02/06/2010 19:55

we are 200 miles from london so it's quite a way to go just for the ceremony, probably 6/8 hours travel time by train and tube as we are 45 mins from nearest station that goes to london.

like i said earlier, it was a rushed date due to family diapproval so i think its a bit...rude to nag about attendance at such short notice, and rude not to give a toss about our personal circumstances.

OP posts: