pregnant woman vs man with pram (another bus thread)

[beanlet]

So, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was sitting on one of the disabled seats on the bus, the ones that fold up to allow extra space for prams if there are no disabled people. A fit young man got on with a DD who looked to be at least 5 sitting in a folding pram. Despite the fact that there were two free folding seats next to me, he made me get up and sit somewhere else so he could park the pram.

AIBU to think a) disabled trumps 5-year-old in pram, b) 36 weeks pregnant is near-as dammit to disabled, and c) therefore I should have "sat" my ground?

Unreasonable, judgemental, selfish and very naive!
Let's review the op shall we: she 'was sitting on one of the disabled seats on the bus, the ones that fold up to allow extra space for prams if there are no disabled people.'
was she disabled? No!
Did a pram board the bus, yes!
So tough tit as my mum used to say! The seats are for the disabled or prams!
She doesn't have a baby or a pram. When she does, she might be qualified to cast aspersions about someone elses child.

At 36 weeks, I did a pole dance on the tube because no-one offered me a seat. My mother was with me; she was mortified

Well that's thing, isn't it? You can't really wedge it either side of the pole if someone is sitting in the foldy down seat as it would be jammed uncomfortably right up next to the occupant as space is tight.

Would be a bit antisocial to ran my buggy into someone's kneecaps when I could park it a bit further away from them - albeit unwedged.

Do agree though that by and large the majority of people are pretty decent on the whole to frazzled parents with buggies on buses.

Oh, was she in the little tippy up seat? I thought she was in the double ones that face forward.

Anyway, am overthinking this. Agree that the vaaaaast majority of people are excelletn and thoughtful.

Thanks to every single person who helped me up and down tube steps today! Especially the lady at South Kensington who waited for me to come through the gates after helping me down the first lot to assist with the second. I wanted to kiss her.

At 40+5 I actually ran for the bus (was late for midwife appointment).

Wasn't as impressive as you might think. My head was doing: 'You are late! There's the bus! RUN!' but my body was doing that pregnant waddle thing. THe bus driver took pity on me and waited for AGES so I could catch up. He had a massive, pitying, grin.

My son is 4 and a bit, and I regularly take my buggy to town. If we go into town, it's to meet a friend at soft play, then walk round the shops. Off the bus at the other end we have to pick his sister up from school and then a mile walk home. He probably could do it all, but would be incredibly grumpy in the process! I always fold the buggy and stash it on the way there, but on the way back, buggy full of shopping, ds usually fast asleep in there, it gets left up. I would certainly NOT fold it down for a pregnant woman if there were other seats on the bus! YABU.

Ha! See! Finally someone admits that they use a buggy for an older NT child. Unless I'm missing something.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and disabled and I'd move for a pushchair if there was somewhere else to sit. Though having said that if I've actually made it on to a bus I'm probably in my wheelchair rather than on foot, but on the other hand if I've got hubby with me and we're using the folding wheelchair on a relatively empty bus I'd still try to move rather than make someone wake up their kid

It's not a competition to see who's more deserving, it's about being nice to people, why make someone elses life difficult if you don't have to? This is all fairly irrelevant since I very rarely use buses, public transport in a wheelchair is generally quite traumatic in my experience.

YABU.

mrsbean - so what? it doesn't change that the space is for buggy users, not pregnant women who are perfectly capable of sitting elsewhere. Do you honestly believe that LC200 should have woken up her exhausted 4yo in a similar situation in order to accomodate a pregnant woman who could've moved elsewhere??? Unbelievable!

Triggles, my point is that every time the issue of this space on the bus arises, there is always (rather tediously) indignation that anyone could suggest that an older child should not be in a pushchair as they obviously have a hidden disability.

As I have said, I really think the wrangling over bus etiquette is pathetic. If you're going to be picky about the space, then a 4 year old really shouldn't be using it when smaller babies may lose a space on the bus as it's simply not safe to take them out.
Exhausted 4 year old, my eye. Buggy-as-shopping-trolley more like it.

Who cares, anyway? Why am I even arguing this, it's so stupid. Everyone on the bus thinks everyone else on the bus is there to inconvenience them. In reality, as someone else said - public transport, innit? thems the breaks. Whoever gets there first gets the seat/space, in reality, no matter how much wringing of hands there is on MN.

Yo can't tell though mrsbean (well unless you have super disability spotting, like the OP), so I would just assume they had a good reason for the kid in the buggy and shuffle over.

Why does this stuff not happen to me? Do I look really mean or really nice?

Morloth, I know you can't tell.. but you also can't live a superduper impeccably polite life and actually get on and do anything yourself.

Hidden disability sucks because it's hidden - because others can't reasonably be expected to make allowances for something they don't realise exists.

I go on the bus most days now that my ds is older and as I said, have taken to using the sling because I was (totally honestly!) wracked with guilt about mums with young babies who were left standing in the rain and because once, a little old lady with a walker was standing at the bus stop and I didn't see her until it was too late and she missed out because I was there with my clunky pram. I never took my pram out again..
Honestly..

However, if you are serious about considering 'hidden disability' then you have to assume every other person on the bus is more deserving of a seat than you and/or your NT dc and, practically speaking, you would never get on a bus again.

At the moment, my ds is titchy and fits into is sling nicely but it won't be long before he is too heavy for the sling and too young to be out of a fold-up pushchair so I'll just have to use the buggy space again, won't I? At least until I pass my driving test.

And I do worry that I am actually placing my ds at risk in the sling on the bus - if I fell getting off the bus, or if the bus braked suddenly, there's a good chance I could crack his head/little back off one of the poles, isn't there?

It's all grey areas and in fact, the more we discuss this the more I think yes, I would have moved for the pregnant OP but only because I have severe good girlitis. This is Not A Good Thing, either.

"Be nice to me or else..."

Actually, I kind of go with you get back what you put out. I try to be considerate and help people out and they do seem to do the same back to me, so it's all good.

You do get the occasional rude person, but that is their problem, not mine.

I think you worry too much mrsbean, I have been dragging DS1 around on London buses for 5 years now with a very relaxed attitude and it has been completely incident free.

I sometimes use a sling for DS2 and sometimes a buggy, and both are fine.

If you think too much about the dangers to our kids you will go crazy.

Exactly Morloth.

This is why these threads hack me off. I am as socially responsible as I can be but I'm afraid these threads are just ridiculously unreasonable about what's possible with regards to considering others.

I just feel sorry for them Avril especially if I see Qantas stickers that flight is such a bitch - I want to get them a drink and give them directions (even if they don't need them!).

AvrilHeytch, if standing in the rain is a hazard of using public transport, so too is the reality that sometimes there will be someone in the seat you want, regardless of your individual circumstances. This was my point.

I also think there's something strange about the way this is usually argued - YABU if you don't consider others in every which way imaginable, but you are a worrywart if you do? As I said previously, you can't win in this argument. The bus is an enclosed space where strangers of all backgrounds are forced into negotiating interactions with others, there will be conflict.

MrsBean, yes an NT older child in a buggy on the bus, often asleep. So sue me. If I had to fold the pram (ie if a wheelchair user got on) I would. In fact I once gave a 3 month old ds to a stranger to hold so that I could unload dd and all my shopping and fold my P&T so that a lady with a newborn could get on with her pram. So I am nice really ;) I just sometimes use a buggy for my 4 year old and I can't drive.

Well OP i bet you are super pleased that you decided to start a thread! I see that the same old same old moaners/flamers/twonks are all giving you grief.