pregnant woman vs man with pram (another bus thread)

[beanlet]

So, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was sitting on one of the disabled seats on the bus, the ones that fold up to allow extra space for prams if there are no disabled people. A fit young man got on with a DD who looked to be at least 5 sitting in a folding pram. Despite the fact that there were two free folding seats next to me, he made me get up and sit somewhere else so he could park the pram.

AIBU to think a) disabled trumps 5-year-old in pram, b) 36 weeks pregnant is near-as dammit to disabled, and c) therefore I should have "sat" my ground?

This is a wind up thread isn't it?

beanlet do you have dcs already?

Why not sit in a regular seat already, if changing positions is difficult?

As someone who is utterly disabled, wheelchair bound ( on a good day when my pain meds allow me to sit upright) with severe SPD. Unable to move without screaming pain, unable to wash, go upstairs, go to the loo alone.

You are not bloody disabled or even ruddy close to it so how dare you say you are!!! I haven't got on a bus alone since I was 14 weeks!! You're mildly uncomfy. Big deal.

I hate the entitlement of those bloody pushchair busses. I'm glad i had my other kids in the 90s when we all folded our buggies and carried our own Kids and shopping. So yeah, he should have folded the stroller and made the child walk.
Pure manners and respect for women should mean he would be embarassed to sit down when a pregnant woman had to move so you had a case without pretending to be disabled to try and win your arguement.

I know from the 6 months I've sufffered that those with genuine life long disabilities go through more each hour or each day in terms of pain, humiliation, discrimination and general annoyance than you'll could probably ever go through in a lifetime.

YAB totally U.

At 36 weeks pregnant I was quite capable of standing on a bus - so unless you have SPD or something else making you unwell you are not bloody disabled

Why oh why were you on a bus at 36 weeks if you feel that bad ?
If my house was on fire I'd think twice about moving at that stage.

"So I'm assuming it's a first pregnancy then"

Not all of us had a massive sense of entitlement during our first pregnancies - or with our PFBs. I am constantly mortified by DD (pfb) crying or if I accidentally get in someone's way. I seem to spend most of my time when I am out with the pram trying not to annoy anyone as I remember how annoying I found mothers with "get out of my way I have a baby" attitude.

Don't tar us all with the same brush

I'm not tarring me with that brush either.
I have two children, had no car for years and didn't have the sense that I was a Higher Being because I was pregnant either time.
I do however have a son with an ASD who can pass for NT on a regular basis, and we have faced much judgmental smuggery as a consequence.

YABVU

unless there were no other seats on the bus, i think he was right to ask you to move. pregnant women are not disabled (although i agree need to sit more than he did).

If moving to a different seat was such an ordeal im confused, how to dou manage to get to the bus stop/walk where you needed to go when you got off the bus?

Yes pregnancy is tiring granted and with second pg I had killer SPD but really, disability it is not.

Not only are you being completely unreasonable you are being completely ignorant too! You are only pregnant and if you were fit enough to get on an off a bus then you are fit enough to move a few metres up the bus to a different seat, and as for your comment about working with disabled children and knowing one when you see one, how stupid are you? Disability comes in many forms, and not everyone who is disabled looks like your typical disabled person, if there is such a thing! To be honest if you really did work with disabled children I really hope you don't now, I would hate for someone who is supposed to work and care for the disabled to have such an ignorant view!

Just want to add my anecdote to this instead of starting a new thread.

Bloke was out with our baby (nine months) in her buggy. He needed to get on the bus, but saw there was a chap already in the buggy section of the bus - fair enough. So bloke got on, lugged our sumo-baby out of her buggy, folded buggy and lifted buggy onto the shelfy-thing. THEN, he noticed that the man was sitting in buggy section WITH AN EMPTY BUGGY. Bloke was a bit pissed off. Not pissed off to say anything though, haha.

What a twat. Empty-buggy-man, that is.

Why should the OP 'take a taxi' or 'avoid buses' if she finds public transport difficult?

Is that how we treat non-pg people who find getting on and off buses to be difficult? 'Oh well just use alternate transport then and stay off the buses', I don't think so.

So would we then say that a proper disabled person who can get on a bus then has no right to complain if asked to walk a few more steps further up the bus, as it's hardly an ordeal?

Er.... she was sitting in seats designated for people with disabilities. There are signs stating they are for people with disabilities. So, no, disabled people are not asked not to go on buses. There is an expectation that seats allocated to them should be given to them though.

Or am I missing something in your argument?

I'm referring to the many posters who have said that the OP should avoid buses if she finds them so hard, and should be able to walk up the bus if she's able enough to get on the bus.

Why cheerfully tell somebody to 'get a taxi then' when we wouldn't dream of suggesting that somebody with a disability do the same?

Healthy pregnancy = disability??!! What nonsense. Yes, you may well be tired and big and less nippy on your feet, but that doesn't come close to disability.

And you can diagnose all disabilities just by looking at the child in the buggy - that is even greater nonsense.

So no, you should not have sat your ground - you should have given up the seat without being asked, when you saw it was needed.

I am not surprised that the OP hasn't come back to this thread to comment further.

wait till you have a buggy love! then you will see you are being unreasonable

Oh this boring old thing again.

Not every 4/5 even 6 year old in a buggy has a disability. I know this because some of these kids get wheeled into my clinic room and I take their case history and assess them and they DO NOT have disabilities, it is convenient for their parents to have them in the pushchair, end of.

Being heavily pregnant on public transport is bloody hard work. Forget this 'ooh it wouldn't kill you to walk a few steps further' attitude. Walking around when heavily pregnant on public transport when it's in motion is even harder.

I have a buggy. I have a six month old child. I would move for a heavily pregnant lady if I could at all manage to do so.

mrsbean - the point is not that someone else wouldn't let her sit down, the point is that she sat in the seats reserved for those with disabilities when other seats were available, then was offended when she was asked to move, as she ASSUMED that the child was not disabled, when in all actuality, she wouldn't have a clue.

She should've sat in the regular seats from the moment she entered the bus, and this whole stupid thing would have been a non-issue. Had she been a normal considerate person, none of this would have happened.

Triggles, I just get sick of everyone going on as if every child on every bus has a disability just because they're over 2 and in a pushchair. Yes, there are hidden disabilities - absolutely - but it is highly unlikely that every older child in a pushchair is there because of disability.

I also think pregnant women should be afforded some degree of courtesy in the late stages of the third trimester, regardless of how healthy they are/have been. It's common decency - I have always felt this, was raised to think this and feel it even more since I have experienced having a head rammed into my pelvis in rush hour traffic.

I find all this bus etiquette irksome. I take ds in a sling on the bus (took him in a pram all of four times, all when he was under four months). I get looks and comments for this as the older folk deem it unsafe. I often wonder how safe it is, in all fairness.. I'm sure in the event of a crash my six month old would be far better off in a pushchair appropriately parked than strapped to me in a sling. Yet I feel under pressure with a pushchair as there is always someone disapproving.. it's a minefield.

Roll on, driving test.

Courtesy, yes. If you were standing, then yes it would be courteous for someone sitting in a regular seat to get up and let you sit down. HOWEVER, you cannot simply assume that just because not all older children in a pushchair are disabled that the one you encounter is not disabled... or temporarily recovering from an injury... or something of this sort. And being pregnant does not entitle you to priority use in the disabled seats. There's really no point in continuing this, IMO, as you simply cannot see past the end of your nose on this and are highly unlikely to be reasonable about it at this point.

I do find it interesting that you say that you feel under pressure when you use a pushchair as there is someone disapproving, when you've done the same type of behaviour to someone else.

I love your comments about the 2 year olds being disabled mrsbean.

"I do find it interesting that you say that you feel under pressure when you use a pushchair as there is someone disapproving, when you've done the same type of behaviour to someone else. "

Sorry?

I haven't done anything to anyone.

I get on the bus with a sling, sitting miles away from the disabled/pushchair bit. I took a pram with me to the clinic when I went for jabs and my baby was terribly tiny. Shocking! How dare I! Outrageous! Selfish! Foul!

I have already posted on another thread that the ONE time I have seen someone with a wheelchair waiting to embark on a bus, I got off the bus to let them on.

So, not really sure what you're getting at.

I am NOT the OP btw.