Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

pregnant woman vs man with pram (another bus thread)

160 replies

beanlet · 01/06/2010 23:16

So, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was sitting on one of the disabled seats on the bus, the ones that fold up to allow extra space for prams if there are no disabled people. A fit young man got on with a DD who looked to be at least 5 sitting in a folding pram. Despite the fact that there were two free folding seats next to me, he made me get up and sit somewhere else so he could park the pram.

AIBU to think a) disabled trumps 5-year-old in pram, b) 36 weeks pregnant is near-as dammit to disabled, and c) therefore I should have "sat" my ground?

OP posts:
honeydragon · 02/06/2010 23:21

yabu - sorry. I stood on the bus for a 40 minute journey to get to hospial at 38 weeks as it was rammed - pension day and everyone on the bus was either more elderly or with a pram. The lady with the pram also stood to let someone sit between the handle bars and leant on the pram to keep it stable. I have also done this many times.

Personally I credit a nice bumpy trundle standing on the bus four times a week to the nice early quick arrival of dd . Also had to walk 2 miles to and from work throughout pregnancy and that didn't bother me either, despite mild spd.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 02/06/2010 23:56

At 36 weeks pregnant with ds1, I helped clean the side of a train for its naming ceremony. I wouldn't have baulked at moving to another seat to let someone with a buggy use the space intended for them, nor did I consider myself disabled, or even as near as damnit disabled.

I've also been 36 weeks pregnant with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to run round after.

Triggles · 03/06/2010 02:21

apologies for the very last comment mrsbean, did get you confused with OP. beans and all

sarah293 · 03/06/2010 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 03/06/2010 09:23

I sat and ate chips.

Tell you what though when I was 41+ I did want to sit down. Luckily I live in a civilised place and never even needed to ask. In fact I had to start accepting seats I didn't really need from when I became visibly pregnant because people were being so kind and I didn't want to upset them.

cory · 03/06/2010 09:29

MintHumbug, as the parent of two disabled children I am not convinced that folding a buggy and holding an NT toddler is all that difficult either. I have done that scores of time and it really doesn't compare to manoeuvering a wheelchair with a teenager in it.

However, you are perfectly right: no point in shifting the buggy if there is nowhere to put the wretched thing and abslutely no point in inconveniencing everybody for a woman who could equally well sit somewhere else.Buggies in the aisle are a safety hazard.

My order of priority would go: anyone who might reasonably be supposed to be disabled, child in buggy, pregnant woman. Having said that, I would have shifted buggy for pregnant woman who looked ill and tired if there were no other seats on the bus- but I can't see why a pregnant woman can't walk a few paces: you are expected to do that even when in labour!

And in any case, I could not possibly have shifted the pram because that didn't fold.

honeydragon · 03/06/2010 09:38

I don't think its competitive pregnancy thing (either who copes the best/ who is entitile to rights on buses due to condition) - i think the only way to comment on this is to point out that you are capable of doing stuff when pregnant, like Riven in all fairness I had no choice in the matter, but for crying out loud if you are not suffering any particular illness and are undergoing a normal pregnancy and can't move to another seat on a bus how the hell are you going to cope with labour? Even my 7 year old ds knows to give up his seat on a bus or train to some one who needs it more - although we have had a few close calls with larger ladies who aren't pregnant

AmazingBouncingFerret · 03/06/2010 09:38

Hang on OP... You were sitting in the little fold down chairs at the front?? Is that right? Why? They are lower. Surely they are harder to haul your arse out of at 36 weeks pregnant than the normal higher up ones.

I sit at the front with my monster truck of a pram and my three year old. I will get off the bus if a wheelchair user needs the space. I have tried to stand up for elderly people before but they usually let me sit back down!

Morloth · 03/06/2010 09:41

I like it when people post "but I am pregnant" like that is some kind of special trump card on a forum of mothers.

PrammyMammy · 03/06/2010 09:53

You cycled with SDP? Hats off to you, i couldn't even walk without crutches.

OP yabu, and i suspect you know that by now OR this was a wind up.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 03/06/2010 10:00

Well - the OP is conspicuous by her absence, PrammyMammy....

sarah293 · 03/06/2010 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsbean78 · 03/06/2010 15:14

Minthumbug - what's ridiculous about bringing a baby on the bus in a sling and bringing on an easy to fold pushchair (I have the Baby Jogger City Mini, folds and unfolds one handed, easy peasy?).

I'll tell you what.. if you don't bring a sling, you are an abomination who hasn't a clue about disability and a lazy twat to boot. If you do you are inconsiderate fool who wishes to endanger your child to fulfil your own hippy ideals. There's no winning on this argument. Maybe all mothers should just stay indoors!

As I said before, in general, I find the outrage about the spaces on the bus ridiculous (and mostly) pathetic except where the person complaining actually has a disability or a child with a disability.

The vast majority of the time there are two spaces which are (in the main) occupied by parents and babies/young toddlers and it's a PITA when you want to get on the bus and it's occupied. End of.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 03/06/2010 16:07

Morloth

I am enjoying the competitive pregnancy stories here.

I was waiting tables, full time, at 36 weeks. And it was summer.

(actually that's a lie, I went on mat leave at 34 weeks. Bugger.)

electra · 03/06/2010 16:13

Sorry, I do think YABU. Why can't you sit in a normal seat? It would never have even occurred to me to sit in a disabled seat at any point in any of my pregnancies.

electra · 03/06/2010 16:18

Gosh I can't tolerate and cannot understand pregnant people who think everyone has to treat them with extra special care as though they are some kind of unique phenomenon.

I just do not get it

biddysmama · 03/06/2010 16:33

i'm 29 weeks pregnant and i have a pram... today i moved for a disabled person on the bus... do i win?

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 03/06/2010 16:44

No biddy, because you are being smug

posieparker has the right idea, imo.

biddysmama · 03/06/2010 16:50

lol i was being silly

babywalks · 03/06/2010 18:52

Why do you feel you have a right to the fold down chairs more than a man with a buggy? You are pregnant not disabled. I'm not saying he had more of a right to those seats than you but surely if there were other seats available on the bus then it would have been easier for you to sit on one of them? Also the child may have been younger than 5, you can't really tell just by looking.

It couldn't have been as bad as my bus journey yesterday; I am currently 35.5 weeks pregnant although found out today I am measuring at 38 so am feeling really huge. Yesterday I got on the bus with DD who is almost 13months. She isn't walking herself yet so if I go to get on the bus and there is already a pram on and the driver tells me to fold mine, I just wait for the next one as it's far too much hassel. There was already a buggy on this bus yesterday but he still let me on. So me and this gran were standing at the disabled area with our buggies and the driver then lets on another pram (first time I have seen one let 3 on at a time). She squeezed her pram in across from the disabled area, pretty much right behind where I was standing and then went and sat down. Nobody offered me a seat so I just stood for the journey taking up most of the isle with people trying to squeeze in between me and the pram behind me. Not enjoyable. But I would never expect someone to offer me a seat just because I'm pregnant......admittedly it is a bit annoying when they dont but still everyone is different. You can't just get special treatment because your pregnant!

So I think yabu as there were other seats available for you to sit in.

notanumber · 03/06/2010 20:44

The OP does sound bastard mad. I can't wait for her to do a few journeys with a buggy and then see how she feels about people sitting in the foldy down seat when it's not necessary.

The foldy down seats in the buggy area are for the parents of the buggies, no? (Except when needed by wheelchairs). And I have to say that most people do usually try to keep them free or give them up to the owners of buggies in my experience (and I get on busy London buses practically daily).

However, last Sunday at about 9am I got on a bus with DS in his buggy (also I am v visibly preganant - due in a month). Due to time of day the bus was totally empty except for an elderly(ish) man.

Where was he sitting? Yes, in the foldy down seat. Did he move to any of the other acres of empty seats? No.

I must admit, I found it a bit weird that he didn't move on the grounds that the foldy down seat was the only place I could sit and if it's taken then I have to stand next to the buggy, whereas he could have sat literally anywhere else.

But, y'know.... He was old and probably would have found moving a bit of a pain. I was a bit irked by it but... Public transport though, innit? Thems the breaks.

scottishmummy · 03/06/2010 20:49

pram can only go pram space,you got a seat elsewhere,whats your beef?

see how you feel once had baby and folk wont vacate the pram space.methinky you may feel v differently

Morloth · 03/06/2010 21:15

Why do you have to sit next to the buggy? We often end up spread out over the bus.

notanumber · 03/06/2010 21:28

Because even with the brakes locked, London buses often take corners sharply or brake or stop so suddenly that buggies (especially lightweight ones) slip out into the aisle or can topple (unless you wedge it with one wheel either side of pole).

And because when children are still little you often need to be close enough to placate them / pick up toys / feed them endless stream of breadsticks etc. Otherwise the whole bus suffers from having a screaming child on board.

It's not life or death, I know, but I would always choose to stand next to the buggy rather than sit away from it as have seen on quite a few occasions buggies go careering when the driver is a boyracer and there is no-one on hand to steady the buggy.

Morloth · 03/06/2010 21:31

Ah, I always wedge ours in sideways so that the pole is keeping it in place.

Was just wondering as we spent the whole day out on the bus/tube (DS1 is 6 and DS2 10 weeks) today and often needed to be flexible just to manage it.

Everyone was lovely though, even with the heat.