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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

pregnant woman vs man with pram (another bus thread)

160 replies

beanlet · 01/06/2010 23:16

So, I'm 36 weeks pregnant and was sitting on one of the disabled seats on the bus, the ones that fold up to allow extra space for prams if there are no disabled people. A fit young man got on with a DD who looked to be at least 5 sitting in a folding pram. Despite the fact that there were two free folding seats next to me, he made me get up and sit somewhere else so he could park the pram.

AIBU to think a) disabled trumps 5-year-old in pram, b) 36 weeks pregnant is near-as dammit to disabled, and c) therefore I should have "sat" my ground?

OP posts:
NormalityBites · 01/06/2010 23:42

For me the order of priority goes: Person using a wheelchair, person using crutches or otherwise obviously impaired, elderly person. Heavily pregnant women, very young children, anyone struggling in any way with luggage/folding prams/holding DCs, people carrying children in slings, anyone ballsy enough to ask, then pushchairs. As luggage they are inanimate objects and least of the priority list.

fyimate · 01/06/2010 23:43

Oh forgot to post about the actual subject at hand here
Erm, prams are awkward to fold, I hate having to fold mine and my DD is 4 and seems to now refuse to walk anywhere...getting her out of a pram and sitting her down, then folding the pram is a serious upheaval, alot easier to just ask you to move imo.

MintHumbug · 01/06/2010 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime · 01/06/2010 23:45

fyimate - that reminds me of the time i marched (well squeezed) onto the tube with dd2 (5yo) in her folding pushchair - i saw a disabled/ wheelchair bay opposite me which was occupied by a bloke in a suit and put on my 'don't mess with me' face and barked 'excuse me, that's a disabled bay - could you move please'. he got up, apologised, and moved to one of the other seats. i parked dd2, turned round, and saw a completely empty disabled bay directly opposite...

i did apologise to him. - i even offered him the seat back, but he was so flustered by the whole experience he didn't dare move...

fyimate · 01/06/2010 23:47

NickOfTime - Oh dear poor you!
His reaction is funny though, glad he didnt get mad! He must know not to mess with a mummy! ;)

Worz · 01/06/2010 23:51

I had mega SPD and because of it I couldn't even walk, let alone climb onto a bus ..... I guess moving to another seat is the sensible solution, don't dwell on it mate, stuff like this gets blown out of proportion when you are pregnant.

You will soon forget about the experience.

Good luck with your new arrival!

MintHumbug · 01/06/2010 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharlieBoo · 01/06/2010 23:53

Where on earth was he going to put the pram if you didn't move? If there were other seats what's the issue? You are pregnant....NOT disabled by the way.

VengefulKitty · 01/06/2010 23:57

When DS was just on 4yo he was recovering from 6 weeks in hospital on traction with a broken femur. He was learning to walk again so went his buggy everywhere.

He was still shaken and I would have wanted to be sitting with him and not fold up his buggy when he could barely stand.

Yet to the outside world it looked like a boy with nothing wrong and far too old for a buggy.

So YABU. How how can you be sure that this girl couldn't walk for any reason that you couldn't tell like my DS?

Good luck with your soon to be here baby

14hourstillbedtime · 02/06/2010 04:15

You know what? I bet you would have been fine if the man had just said something like 'I'm terribly sorry, but I have a buggy to fold/disabled child/etc. etc and would you mind moving?' What I think is annoying you is the way he 'made' you move? Right? I mean, you know you're not disabled so was it his 'tone'?

ZacharyQuack · 02/06/2010 07:48

Oh beanlet, come back in a few months when you have your new baby in a pram and some pregnant women is sitting in the disabled space.

fernie3 · 02/06/2010 07:55

If there were other seats YABU as its just as easy for a pregnant woman to sit in a normal bus seat. Last time i went on a bus looking very obviously pregnant I ended up standing for 20 mins up to the hospital !

5inthebed · 02/06/2010 07:56

Op, when I was 8 months pregnant (And the size of a small country) I had my large 3 year old in a pram on the bus in the disabled spot. The pram was a beast of a thing, designed for disabled children. He has autism, but you'd have known that from looking at him seeming as you can tell a disabled child from a normal child. A wheelchair user wanted to get on, and I wouldn't/couldn't move to the other spot as there was a woman there with a toddler in a small pushchair nor could I fold the beast pram down. The bus driver made me get off! So your "having to move a few seats" could have been a lot worse!

Stop being so meladramatic, you're pregnant, not disabled!

belgo · 02/06/2010 08:00

5inthebed - why did you not tell the bus driver your child has special needs and needs the special pram?

posieparker · 02/06/2010 08:03

Personally I go against the grain on MN and think people in need are people in need, noone has a greater need. So the refluxy, very unhappy baby should be allowed to stay asleep in a pram, the disabled person gets to ride the bus and the pregnant and elderly too. There's noone more needy just needy. So perhaps the guy could have been more flexible but then so could you have, being pregnant you should have avoided those seats anyway as there was a likelihood that someone else may have needed them.

5inthe bed......I hope you complained.

Triggles · 02/06/2010 08:06

YABU. And I can't believe that when someone comes on the bus that needs that space, such as someone with a pram, that you didn't VOLUNTARILY move. I had dreadful SPD and used crutches and still managed just fine on the bus without using the seats put aside for disabled/wheelchairs/prams. Pregnant does NOT equal disabled!

Isanotherday · 02/06/2010 08:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It is highly possible that the child wasn't disabled and their father had also made the assumption that you were fit to move....although you probably were.
If the child wasn't disabled I think a child of that age should be able to wait in a seat whilst buggy folded, or the buggy should have been folded at the bus stop.
I also think you may not have posted if you had been asked nicely.

5inthebed · 02/06/2010 08:07

I did Belgo, and I contacted the bus company after the incident. They told me it was drivers disgression whether or not they see the pram as needing to be in the wheelchair space.

belgo · 02/06/2010 08:10

5inabed - I suppose it is hard for a bus driver to decide, so many people are unreasonable and have a huge sense of entitlement at the expensive of everyone else.

Also agree with Isanotherday - a lot can be achieved if only people ask each other nicely.

CrosswordGeekWantsChange · 02/06/2010 08:11

This is not as irritating as getting the bus 2 weeks after a section to find a pushchair in the disabled spot..... Empty.... Whilst the owner and the child sat at the back of the bus. They watched me struggle on with big heavy pram, didn't move it, didn't offer to fold it down. I ended up standing the whole way so that I could fit part of DDs pram in a space so that people could still get on and off the bus. When they got off the bus, they didn't even apologised, just laughed. Wish I would have said something.

But, on this note, YABU. You will realise this when you DO have a pram to take on the bus and YOU struggle or have to ask someone to move

5inthebed · 02/06/2010 08:14

Belog - yes hard for the driver to decide, and understandable if they've never heard of autism or dont understand what it entails. But the pram is huge, not hard to miss it, lots of peope admire it when we're out and about in it .

misdee · 02/06/2010 08:15

being pregnant doesnt equate to being disabled.

this reminds me of the time i was pregnant with dd3, and dh and i travelled on the tube to Guys hospital. I got some odd looks as i ensured dh was seated te whole time on the tube even if i had to stand. afterall, dh 'looked' ok, and seemed like a fit healthy young man. But i knew, as did he, that he was potentially dying of heart failure. he had fluid collecting in his legs, which you couldnt see because of his trousers, and that 'smokers' cough he appeared to have was due to the fluid collecting on his lungs

cory · 02/06/2010 08:17

beanlet Tue 01-Jun-10 23:26:12
"No, child did not have a physical disability (I've worked with children with physical disabilities, so I know when I see one)"

That is amazing! You mean you could look at my seemingly healthy children and spot that they have an invisible joint condition that means they are often in severe pain and unable to weight bear? That is truly amazing and better than any of the paediatric consultants we have seen: they had to do extensive tests. But you have worked with children with physical disabilities so you know when you see one. You should hire yourself out to hospitals, save a fortune on consultants!

You know, it's people like you who make my children's life shit!

Triggles · 02/06/2010 08:18

I don't agree that it's a "depends on whether or not the child in the pram is disabled" situation. Are YOU going to actually ask the parent "is your child disabled? if not, I refused to move"... I think sometimes you have to give the benefit of the doubt. You are pregnant (and inconsiderate), not disabled.

biddysmama · 02/06/2010 08:23

i'm pregnant with spd and would move for a pram

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