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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave DS alone in house while we go to pub?

332 replies

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 20:57

Let me explain...

We are going on holiday with my parents and brother. We go every year and usually we camp but this year we're getting a house because DS 15months a bit young for camping (bad sleeper and noisy!). It's a tiny little village, v quiet, no crime ever as far as I know. The house has a garden, with a gate that leads onto road behind, where there is a pub.

Today my mum suggested that one night we could all go out together for a meal/drinks at the pub as it's so close we could take the baby monitor. The way things are positioned, it would be just like sitting out in the house garden, if the garden was a bit longer iyswim!

I'm not sure how I feel about this. She really sees no problem in it, we would obviously lock up the house, it would take barely a minute to get back if he woke (which he rarely does at that time), and anything untoward would be heard over the baby monitor. This all makes sense but a little thing in my mind is a bit [unsure emoticon]... I'm sure other nights we will stay in/BBQ, they will babysit so me and DH can go out, and we will stay in when they go out, but it would be nice to all go just one night.

It's not a big deal at all, she isn't going to get pissy or anything if we don't do it, but just wondering would you do it? Judge away

OP posts:

YouCantTeuchThis · 30/05/2010 23:39

Nah, I wouldn't bother! Interesting that your MIL thinka that 'altogether' is sans enfants though

And puh-lease can we have one thread from a parent looking for persepctive on children being left alone with the McCann/freaky fire scenario like it happends everyday and twice on a thursday?!

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:41

yep RedRedWine - weird and wonderful is exactly my point. i will leave it soon as it seems that holding my view actively pisses people off and i don't want to provoke pointlessly but as a final few points - the child is unattended in a cot not roaming the whole house with all the additional dangers that might present and is actually attended by parents a few metres away listening to a baby monitor - imo good minimisation of risks, limiting potential negative impact of weird and wonderful list of potential harm that could be difficult to grasp for someone of my apparently limited brain power. mccann case is not a good example of minimising all risks.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:42

It doesnt happen everyday but like I and many others have said other more real risks happen- so can we please not get so blasé about kids being safe left in a house alone, if they are it is down to chance nowt else.

WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2010 23:42

To me it's not about kidnappings or chokings. Instinct just tells me you don't leave a tiddler alone in a house.

Perhaps it's atavistic.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:43

A better way to minimise risks to your child is not leaving them unattended surely , common sense, anyone?

scottishmummy · 30/05/2010 23:44

so get a babysitter

larks35 · 30/05/2010 23:45

RedRedWine - that could happen while mum and dad are downstairs watching a movie though, couldn't it?
All the things that could go wrong are rare but I pesonally couldn't leave my DS in the house alone but I do stay in the garden when he is asleep and I do use a baby monitor.
Scttismummy - I don't think anyone here (and I'm definitely not, all I want to do is hug them and wish them well) is having a go at the McCann's they're just using that dreadful tragedy as an example of what can happen if you do leave your DCs alone in a house.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:46

You are more able to respond to anything seemingly untoward when in the same house rather than in another four walls though...

larks35 · 30/05/2010 23:46

I meant to say "do not use a baby monitor"

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:48

i wouldn't leave a child 'unattended' however we clearly disagree about what unattended means. i'm not fully attending to my 3 year old right now as i don't have a baby monitor in her room listening to whether she's ok while i sit in the living room but she clearly wouldn't count as 'unattended'. in my opinion, a baby in a cot, 10m away with baby monitor on which i'm paying great attention to is also not unattended.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:49

PS I must apologise for my shocking spelling/grammar I am a bit tiddled...

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:49

cross posted with others there on the same point

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:50

10metres away v being in another building and again for good measure...

larks35 · 30/05/2010 23:51

Well yes, if we hear it through the surround sound! TBH RRWine I ain't really disagreeing with you as there is no way I'd leave my DS alone in a house, but I am aware that even though I'm here, I'm not always on DS-indanger-alert! (Like now for eg)

SolidGoldBrass · 30/05/2010 23:51

Aww, LVAV, you aren't half getting a kicking from muppets on this - and all you said was that it had been suggested as a possibility, not that you were going to shut the baby in the cellar and spend the night in a crack den. What if it rains hammers? What if tonight's the night the dead do walk and get into the house and eat the baby?
OK to put a kinder interpretation on it, people do worry a lot about stuff that's actually, statistically, pretty safe (and maybe, as someone mentioned, there is something fairly instinctual about not leaving very small DC unattended). The other interpretation is that old misogyny-based one that when a woman becomes a mother her life is over and she mustn't ever contemplate doing anything enjoyable as even the wish for a bit of childfree time is bound to mean her DC will die horribly.

TBH I think quite a lot of parents occasionally leave small/sleeping DC in the house for a short space of time and guess what? Nothing horrible happens. But I can see that it would make you a bit uneasy to do so even when you knew it was safe.

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:52

To me its a question of being a responsible parent- how parents who put their need for a drink/meal/chinwag before the safety of their children can call themselves that is just mystifying

TheCrackFox · 30/05/2010 23:53

I wouldn't do it. This is a baby we are talking about not a pet rabbit. It is not that difficult to arrange a babysitter or to have a nice time at home.

LJBrownie · 30/05/2010 23:53

there's no such thing as no risk. in the garden with no baby monitor as per larks - is that ok? if i've had a couple of drinks, i'm less able to attend to my child should an emergency arise... but that doesn't stop me from ever drinking at all. who knows what is more risky. you're fully entitled to me for it of course - i think it's my first one on MN

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:54

Can you not see the glaringly obvious difference- between IN the house and IN another building...who were you calling muppets exactly

hmc · 30/05/2010 23:55

The way you describe it - doesn't sound like a problem, but you are clearly uncomfortable, so don't do it

WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2010 23:56

Of course there are risks with everything. Plugging in the kettle etc.

But if you're there at least you know you've done everything you can.

And if you're there faster than if you could be because you were in the pub then so much the better. Right?

I'm not really sure why I'm pointing out the obvious.

It's a baby alone in a house. You don't do it.

Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 30/05/2010 23:58

Horrible things can and do happen every day. Doesn't mean they are not still rare. Of course he could choke on his own vomit in a quaint little village but he could do so here at home too, where I actually don't use a baby monitor. I suspect the vast majority of children who die in bed, die when their parents are at home with them, not out in the pub, although I have no stats to back it up. Being in the pub a bit further away would not make that more likely to happen, and actually, in my personal circumstances, if I was at home with him, I wouldn't have a baby monitor on and would check him less frequently than if I was out, so maybe he'd be more likely to perish if I was at home! The issue would be whether I could live with myself if it did, rational or not.

I couldn't contemplate spending the whole time worrying about extremely unlikely things happening to me/my family, I would be an absolute wreck. I can't worry constantly any more than people who do can't not, iyswim.

OP posts:

RedRedWine1980 · 30/05/2010 23:58

Well apparently it makes you a neurotic over the top bitch if you dont...im sure the Mcanns wish they'd have been more neurotic and OTT but hey never mind, it doesnt happen everyday

scottishmummy · 31/05/2010 00:00

stop bellyaching about the McCanns its a cheap dig

CherryBaby · 31/05/2010 00:01

No fucking way.

Does that answer your question?

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