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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

young mum prejudice

228 replies

SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 10:03

hi i am new to this site!!
just wondered if anyone else feels the same about being treated bad because your a young mum? it really gets my goat.
ok im 22 with 3 dc under4. BUT -
they were all planned
they all have the same dad
we own our house
i work and my partner works
we dont claim benefits, except cb, which correct me if im wrong, everyone is entitled to
and last but not least i am a bloody good mum!

so why all the patronising comments and filthy looks????????
my dc are never seen looking dirty, scruffy and are wel behaved and have good manners (apart from the baby obv).

AIBU?

OP posts:
posieparker · 29/05/2010 17:18

Sorry, am here but not....supposed to be sorting stuff out! Joseph Rowntree research....I think!!

pagwatch · 29/05/2010 17:19

Fair enough Patsy. I take your point

But I do think it is possible to get overly pre-occupied with how you think others are percieving you and that become a problem of itself.

And this is AIBU which is known to anyone who has spent more than an hour on the site as the home of robust replies and currently, multiple trolls.

And, whilst I have not argued with OP about her name it is very dodgy looking and lacks any redeeming humour.I have seem ruder but the pseudo coyness is very mens magazine and it isn't funny or clever. People do react to that,rightly or wrongly

Manda25 · 29/05/2010 17:26

Sorry i haven't read the whole thread but i think (like someone else mentioned) that self esteem does have a lot to do with it ....and also some people just have a chip on their shoulder (you looking at me !!) . I had a baby aged 17 and i never received or noticed receiving snide remarks or dirty looks. The only comment i remember was a friend asking when i was having a termination ... i thought that was a fair question to be honest.

I was also a pretty crap young mum but i only realized this when i had my second son 12 yrs later. He is now 19 (i am 37) and i am amazed he turned out so well.

sunshine2010 · 29/05/2010 17:36

I had my first at 23 and my husbandwas 22 and we never heard any comments. We both look young especially my husband he got mistaken for being 16 a few weeks ago. No one ever says anything though as we are married. However people comment on us being marriage young as we were teenagers when we wed. People think thats more mental than having a kid for some reason

LadyBiscuit · 29/05/2010 17:47

The OP was being really aggressive and ignoring any supportive posts. Then went on to say that her children are in private education and have trust funds. Then ran away

I don't have any problems with younger mums at all - like I said, one of the best mums I know is 23 and has 2 DC. And I've always had a lot of respect for spookycharlotte.

CrosswordGeek - using 'gets my goat' doesn't mean you don't deserve respect! I just don't know anyone of your age that uses that expression. Perhaps it's had a revival though

ApocalypseCheese · 29/05/2010 17:53

I use get my goat

LadyBiscuit · 29/05/2010 17:57

Really? I'm 45 though so what do I know?

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 18:04

ladybiscuit ive hardly ran away, just dont have time to sit on mn all day with 3dc who need attention and stimulation.

just catching up with the thread now

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 18:09

hurleysatonme - 'After 4 children in 5 years, your muff is going to be anything but'.
thanks for that, although next time you are going to slate me at least get your facts correct. i have 3dc. no more to be said i think the joke is dead

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 18:11

thankyou to everyone who has shown support throughout this thread

and for those of you have turned this thread into a mockery of my name, please take your vindictive bullying elsewhere

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheese · 29/05/2010 18:13

She may have had 3 casereans for all we know

CrosswordGeekWantsChange · 29/05/2010 18:20

When better to use expletives than when angry or upset?

Some of you are really quite offensive, and do in fact, have the attitude of 12 year olds. "stay out of the sun" because I look 25+? Sigh.

CrosswordGeekWantsChange · 29/05/2010 18:23

HurleySatOnMe - You sound like the 14 year old girls I remember from School, bravo. I'm sure you're very proud of yourself. Hope you don't pass on your judgey pants to the kids.

Nellykats, I presume you meant my swearing, and not my use of the English Language in general, as I'd have to make some points if it's the latter.

congratulations on looking 25+, now work a bit on your language perhaps

Would look much better as:

Congratualtions on looking 25+, now, perhaps you could work on your language a bit.
OR
Congratulations on looking 25+, perhaps now you could work on your language a bit.

PickUpYourPants · 29/05/2010 18:52

Sweetmuff - I do worry about your attitude, whether you are real as just something about your whole story just doesn't quite ring true to me. Maybe instead of being aggressive and appearing immature you could try to explain yourself and your situation more clearly and then you would get more positive and supported posts back.
I won't comment on your name but you appear to want to wind people up and have succeeded!

SirBoobAlot · 29/05/2010 19:10

I disagree entirely that it is a confidence thing. I think its more a case that some people lead very depressing lives and wish to take it out on people they see as easy targets. I had so many horrible comments when pregnant, and feel a lot of these were because I was disabled as well. It upset me, and then on reflection I felt very sorry for the people who had insulted me, as they were obviously very bitter about something.

Was also told by "friends" I should abort and when I made it clear that wasn't an option for me, was informed the best thing for my baby would be to put him up for adoption. Needless to say we are no longer friends.

OP as you are new to MN, may I point out to you that this is not "vindictive bullying"; it is AIBU. You will get support and be told to fuck off - possibly in the same post

Nellykats · 29/05/2010 19:11

CrosswordGeekWantsChange

thank you for the tips, English is not my first language so I welcome corrections

I was referring to your using fucking fuck in one sentence, I was definitely a bit sarcastic but I thought at the time that it was unnecessarily rude.

Look, this thread seems divided between the under 25s and the over 25s. Talking as somebody in their mid thirties, I can certainly remember being a twentysomething, most of us do. We're also aware of getting criticized for being old, or for being scruffy or too made up or too pale or too tanned. My point is, you always get funny looks, either by the ones younger than you or the ones older than you...

So I didn't think that the comments directed to the OP where that unreasonable, and found your swearing a bit OTT. Excuse me if I offended you, I don't mind getting corrected, syntax is a bitch. Oops see I swear as well

TakeLovingChances · 29/05/2010 20:04

Right, I haven't read all the posts on this thread, but I will say two things.

I was 25 when DS was born, no one has openly said anything to me about being young, but I know some people are thinking it.

Secondly, there is a TOWN in Ireland called Muff! For all we know the OP might be from there and not just referring to her own muff.

posieparker · 29/05/2010 20:46

this is some

For youEccentricaGallumbits

LadyBiscuit · 29/05/2010 20:51

That's very kind of you TLC but the OP has had 10 hours to say that's why she's got her name and she has chosen not to.

I wonder if her children are in bed yet, given she's been away stimulating them all afternoon. I'm very keen for her to post again

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 21:17

ok i chose my name as i was typing loads in and they were all taken!! so in the end i tried to think of something different. i like all the cupcake names but everyone i put in was taken and i idint want one with loads of random numbers in. so i then changed to seet muffin which again was taken, so i shortened it to sweetmuff!! i thought it was quite sweet and it made me smile and you guessed it, it wasnt taken!!

OP posts:
baloothebear · 29/05/2010 21:19

I also think the op has a good point. It's very telling that so many on this website are willing to give her a hard time.

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 21:19

thanks TLC i didnt name after that, but i honestly didnt think my name would cause such a stir considering others used on this site

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 21:22

baloothebear i was expecting some good points as to why people feel the need to judge others due to age, but to be honest i am quite upset that people can judge me on my name, just makes it seem like playground bullying.

what is the need i wonder?

OP posts:
SweetMuffin · 29/05/2010 21:24

Oh look! SweetMuffin wasn't taken after all

If you're going to lie, do make the effort to make sure they're not the kind of lies that are easily found out eh? First rule of being a teenager I'd have thought

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 21:29

pmsl!!!
just wondered how long it would take 4 u 2 do that!! bunch of sheep

OP posts: