young mum prejudice

[SweetMuff]

hi i am new to this site!!
just wondered if anyone else feels the same about being treated bad because your a young mum? it really gets my goat.
ok im 22 with 3 dc under4. BUT -
they were all planned
they all have the same dad
we own our house
i work and my partner works
we dont claim benefits, except cb, which correct me if im wrong, everyone is entitled to
and last but not least i am a bloody good mum!

so why all the patronising comments and filthy looks????????
my dc are never seen looking dirty, scruffy and are wel behaved and have good manners (apart from the baby obv).

AIBU?

Bessie
we all have days like that. Hide the thread and forget about it.

What started off as an angry, shouty thread has turned into a 'look at how great I am' post, its boring and a bit crass really OP.

Pagwatch, it is horrible that people shout that at your son.

I was 18 when I had DS (10 in July), and I know exactly how the OP feels! (sorry, this is going to be long!)
When I was pg, I would get the tut tuts from old fuckers who thought I was still at school, even when I had my work clothes on!!!
The midwifes and staff at the hospital (except one old shit who worked the night shift), were actually realy nice to me, which surprised me, it was the other mothers who looked at me and spoke to me like shit! I was on my own cause DP was abit of a prat back then (we got back together when DS was older though), and they all had DH's and the woman in the bed across from me would talk loudly about me to her visitors, and they would join in with the comments and dirty looks!
On our first outing, I was on the bus and this group of old bags and a man (I find old men are worse than old wifies!) were banging on about 'school girl mums, scrounging off the state', I hadn't even looked in their direction, they had no right to make those judgments about me. Luckily my mother was with me, and she gave them what for!!! She made me get my pay slips out of my bag, and made it well known to that old shits (and the rest of the bus!) that I WORKED and paid my own way!
Although I did end up on benefits after my mat leave ended, but I was not sitting on my arse all day doing nothing, I was at college getting my highers, then after I left, I got a job and have worked ever since.
Someone else in this thread has mentioned over-zelous security guards, I got that too! It got so bad, that I only felt comfortable doing my shopping whilst wearing my work uniform! They never seemed to bother me when I was in work clothes!
When DS started nursery, I was the youngest mother, most of the other mothers were in their late thirties/early forties! Guess what, they also looked down their big stuck up noses at me! If any of their DC were naughty in the park, no big deal was made of it, however if DS did anything they would make a big deal of it!
However, theres lots of good things about being a young mum, I had tons of energy back then, and when DS grows up, I'll only be mid-thirties, so I'll still have my life in front of me.
Just hold your head high, you have nothing to be ashamed off, and as for some posters saying you sound immature, dont worry, I still feel and sometimes act about 16!!! LOL!

omg pag really sorry to hear that people would shout such abuse at your son, thats heartbreaking.

God, I just wish I had the self-control to hide this thread.

I was going to list all the reason why I'm not a crap mum, but I've just realised it doesn't matter to anyone but me.

it is shit. But there really is no point getting wound up.
If you pay too much attention to a few wankers it can make you ignore the vast majority of people who are lovely

Anyway. Do have to go out. DS2 has shit to buy

No, my point was that you are using this thread to stir & get a reaction.

You admitted you are not 22, so if that is true you are just trying to get reactions.

This started as a thread to ask a (genuine?) question & it is now just seemingly a vessel for your boasts & for you to pick fights.

Pretty much 'what ShadeofViolet said really'

i was quite blantly joking when i said i was 40!!!

i am a young mum and proud

ahem

I have 20, 000 words on this very subject.

it is desperatly boring

teenagers think society hates them. pregnant teenagers are even worse and think that they are being judged patronised, criticised etc when in reality they aren't. nobody really cares.

the end

oi posie - can you link me whatever stats you have? would be most useful and then i wouldn't have torisk makingthem up and getting caught out.

Look, you're a mother therefore you will be judged on everything

If you're young
If you're old
If you're thin
If you're fat
If you have too many children or one only
If you're part of an ethnic minority
If you speak to them in a different language
If you're poor
If you're rich

So just get over it, and do change your name, I keep thinking of thongs and porn closeups when I read it.

OP why do you think people are jealous of your children going to private school? Private school is not the be all and end all you know. That statement you made actually reinforces to me that you are immature. A number of mnetters also have children in private education including myself although only one of my three DC's is privately educated. BIG DEAL. I dont think that children going to private school should be the root of jealousy. There are so many much more important things in life. I had my first DC when I was 21 and never ever experienced this 'dirty look' behaviour you have highlighted. Not to say I dont believe you but I dont see why it would rattle you if you are a good mum and your children are happy. Just hold your head up high. You might not be aware of this but you come across as being really an 'aggressive know it all type'. I wonder why

SweetMuff, maybe you seem to be on the receiving end of patronising looks, judgement, and pity because you are EVER POISED TO TAKE OFFENSE

PS I was a mother at 22, and it's nothing to do with age - you have a crap attitude.

what nellykats said! apart from the name, i've seen worse on here!

I had DS at 18. His father and I have always worked hard to keep a roof over his head and have raised him to be a kind hearted, funny and well mannered little boy who is top of his year group for most subjects (particularly reading and literacy) despite being one of the youngest in his year (he'll be 8 in July).

You'd think that's be a good enough indicator of how well we're doing as parents so far, but I still get stick even to this day about my age.

Oh it was worse when I first had him though - especially when I went out without make-up on, as I was all big blue eyes and freckles and looked about 14. I had the usual dirty looks and muttering and plenty of patronizing too.

But the worst incident by far, was when my DS was only 2 months old and I had him in a sling on my front. I was walking through a shop door that this older man was holding open for a queue of people and when it got to be my turn to walk through the door, he slammed it in my face, almost hitting DS (I actually hurt my wrist by catching the door just before it hit my son). I was livid - I stormed through the door and asked him what the hell he was playing at, he could have hurt my baby, etc, etc and he (extremely aggressively) replied; "your son shouldn't have even been born - teenage mothers are despicable scum" or something similar (I know he used the word scum). I just stood there, open mouthed in shock that someone could be so AWFUL, whilst his wife dragged him away, saying; "Come on Jeff - just leave her be".

I do find the older generation tend to be most judgmental/ patronizing, but I still get a lot of prejudice from the mum's down the school as well. I'm the youngest of the mum's in DS's class by a country mile and some of them have been very snooty and snide when talking to me. I just let it fly over my head and pretend it doesn't get to me - if I were ever to say something, I'd probably get the response the OP has here, ie; "typical younger mum with an attitude problem". Oh well - maybe they're jealous of my youthful looks and energy?! LOL! It does upset me when the pre-judge my son though (leaving him out of party invites, etc) and I love their shock that he's doing so well at school!!!

Whenever I read posts starting with "SweetMuff" I keep hearing them in a sexy sultry voice, that then goes on to say "oops you dropped your towel, baaaad giiiirl"

"..Sweetmuff...MN does have spates of trolling (people making shit up) and your name is quite ridiculous when your first post is about prejudice against young people. Sweetmuff sounds like a young unsavoury pornstar.."

Laughs hysterically...... How very kind of you to explain to the SweetMuffette....
However [pedantic mode], Muffler, do try harder, the discriminating crowd of MNers expect their trolls to be,eerr.... how shall we put it.... a tad smarter.

Where's bloody posie gorn? I need her stats!!!

Rollmops

"Muffler", what a brillaint name!

I can see the film already

"She's one hot mamma, she's young but won't take shit from anybody...she's the Muffler"

meant to write brilliant, got a bit overexcited there...

Eccentrica - the stats are quite depressing actually:

Children born to teenage mothers have 60% higher rates of infant mortality and are at increased risk of low birth-weight which impacts on the child's long-term health.

Teenage mothers are 3 times more likely to suffer from post-natal depression and experience poor mental health for up to 3 years after the birth.

Teenage parents and their children are at increased risk of living in poverty.

However those stats are because most teenage mothers have unplanned pregnancies and are caught in a poverty trap. Clearly anyone who has chosen to have children and is in a stable relationship with a reasonable income and stable housing is in a much better situation.

BUT

the prematurity/low birthweight/PIH/complications/long term consequences are NOT due to young maternal age. It is a society problem and ahealth behaviour problem. Not an age problem.

AND another thing.

Women who have their children young get out of the poverty/benefits cycle years before their peers who don't get pregnant. They tend to have a few children, thn pull their socks up, go back to school and get jobs a bit later.

BUT there is NO research into unplanned prgnancy and outcomes - only anecdotal stuff.

The research does not separate out those who plan to become pregnant from those who don't and also there is no fixed age range and all teenagers are lumped together so your mature 15 yr old with good family and community suppport is classed the same as your immature 19 year old who is on her own.

Lady- do you have a reference for that?