Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

young mum prejudice

228 replies

SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 10:03

hi i am new to this site!!
just wondered if anyone else feels the same about being treated bad because your a young mum? it really gets my goat.
ok im 22 with 3 dc under4. BUT -
they were all planned
they all have the same dad
we own our house
i work and my partner works
we dont claim benefits, except cb, which correct me if im wrong, everyone is entitled to
and last but not least i am a bloody good mum!

so why all the patronising comments and filthy looks????????
my dc are never seen looking dirty, scruffy and are wel behaved and have good manners (apart from the baby obv).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 11:38

pagwatch - 'But if you want to prove that you are a good mum and a nice person the best way is to actually just be it '

i could say the same for all the mnetters that have judged me on here because of my name.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 29/05/2010 11:38

No BessieBoots - what I have done is pointed out that the OP is very unlikely to be real. FGS - pretending that she doesn't really get why people think her name is a bit dodgy? Come on. Don't be so naive.

I have nothing against young mums - one of my friends is 22 and has 2 kids under 3. She's brilliant and a fabulous mum. I just find trolls tiresome

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 11:40

ladybiscuit could you please explain to me what a troll is

OP posts:
posieparker · 29/05/2010 11:41

Sweetmuff...MN does have spates of trolling (people making shit up) and your name is quite ridiculous when your first post is about prejudice against young people. Sweetmuff sounds like a young unsavoury pornstar.

pagwatch · 29/05/2010 11:41

[sigh]

see SweetMuff . My post is almost entirely helpful, certainly well intentioned and includes my experience of a similar situation as the mum of a child with SN.
But you have found a bit to argue about.

Why are you so determined to fight?

I am just saying, get on and do what you are doing, be the good mum and nice person you say you are and peoples reactions will take care ofthemselves.

But if you are endlessly looking for a fight, for negativity , you WILL find it

MrsChemist · 29/05/2010 11:41

I'm also a young mum, and at first it did really bother me when people would stare or throw filthy looks my way, but then it just became so tiring getting offended all the time that in the end I just stopped caring.

If I see someone look me up and down, I hear the rant in my head starting, about how they don't know me etc.etc. but I've mentally had that one way argument so many times that I just cut myself off mid thought. I have better things to think about.

You and your family and friends know that you aren't a shoddy mother because you are young, and that's all that matters.

BessieBoots · 29/05/2010 11:42

I don't get why you'd think she was a troll just because she used the term "gets my goat" though. I don't think it's a particularly old-fashioned thing to say, I was just wondering what a young mum would be expected to say instead of it?

BosomsByTheSea · 29/05/2010 11:42

SweetMuff, sorry but you are just coming across as rather angry and immature.

As others have said, perhaps you're just getting back what you expect and imagining much of the 'dirty looks' stuff (just as you are imagining people are judging you on here because of your age when actually it is your attitude that is causing the responses you are getting).

pagwatch · 29/05/2010 11:45

I never respinded to her as a a troll.
But those who did were probably nudged along by the hooker/pornstar name. If it had been a funny or witty rude name then I suspect no one would have commented.

But there are trolls a plenty at the mo. I think people get tired of offering support when trolls are just posting crap.

I tend to not post if I can't be sure

BosomsByTheSea · 29/05/2010 11:45

ps pag, sorry about what happened to you in the park yesterday. I hate it when things like that happen - if I let it it can really spoil a lovely day. Hope it didn't spoil yours.

porcamiseria · 29/05/2010 11:45

hmm what a welcome you've had...........

the usual kind MN messages about grammer, warms my heart.....

I think OP people do tend to tar young mums with the same brush, not a huge amount you can do, until you look a bit older!!!!

suggest you get a t shirt saying "i am not on benefits, thanks for asking"

its not nice to be prejudiced against, but riase your head up high and in 8 years time as the wrinkles kick in it'll be a think of the past!!!!!

Original poster
SweetMuff · 29/05/2010 11:47

i really dont want to fight about this, i no prejudice will probably always be a fact of life whether you are a young mum, disabled , gay etc ect. i just wondered if people could at least tell me their reasons behind this prejudice and i thought i could reply to this. sorry if i am wrong.

also regarding the troll issue, do u seriously think i am making this up???
actually i am a 40yr old mother and thought this would be funny.
ffs!!

OP posts:
AmazingBouncingFerret · 29/05/2010 11:50

I was giving you the benefit of doubt but why would you expect to have people replying saying they are outwardly prejudice to young mothers?

PatsyStone · 29/05/2010 11:50

I think the prejudice stems from the widespread assumption that our lives and children are funded by the taxpayer, and that we don't put anything back in to the system.

porcamiseria · 29/05/2010 11:55

I think you know the reason, people wrongly assume you are on benefits and scrounging the system. sad but true, as there are alot of yound uns that do

get some pearl earring, a navy blue suit, some mid heel courts, dress your age up!!!!!

posieparker · 29/05/2010 11:57

The prejudice comes from being out of employment having not had time to contribute and the fact that so many young mothers get a bad press, some rightly and some wrongly.

Also a young mother is more likely to have children who suffer depression later in life, more likely to be poor, addicts and more likely to be young parents themselves.

Northernlurker · 29/05/2010 11:57

Why did you call yourself 'sweetmuff' then? It's a rather odd choice - please explain.

I had two children by the time I was 23 - I can't remember any adverse comments at all - from the general public - my mum had an opinion or two of course.

BessieBoots · 29/05/2010 11:58

That post makes me feel sick.

smokinaces · 29/05/2010 11:59

Its a preconceived idea that a lot of people have, and its up to you to prove otherwise.

I am a youngish mum (27 but often told look younger) with 2 boys under 4, living in a council estate relying heavily on tax credits and benefits so I can work 2 days a week.

All people see at first is another single mum with no qualifications on a council estate. My children look very different to each other so they presume they have different fathers. (have even been asked this at their nursery)

What they dont know is I am well educated, working and was married for 4 years to the father of both my children. I ended up in council housing because said ex-husband lost his job and income and we lost our home.

I dont scream and shout.I dont get offended. I just let the people that actually matter know the real me so they realise we're not all the same.

porcamiseria · 29/05/2010 11:59

"Also a young mother is more likely to have children who suffer depression later in life, more likely to be poor, addicts and more likely to be young parents themselves."

eh?? this must be recent stats

old mummies have only been around the 80s onwards , my Mum and Gran were 20 and 21 and both had PHDs

posieparker · 29/05/2010 11:59

BB...what mine?

BosomsByTheSea · 29/05/2010 11:59

Which?

posieparker · 29/05/2010 12:03

Not recent stats at all....I can link the research if you like.

Bumbleconfusus · 29/05/2010 12:04

Not read the whole thread, so no idea if its a troll or not, but would like to add, that I too, get some filthy looks.

I am 23 and only on my first but unfortunately still look about 16, so find myself having to constantly mention my husband and my age loudly in the hope onlookers hear that I am not in fact 16 etc. Also have to do this at church as people have lost track of how old I am and I never got married in the church.

On the other hand, why should I have to dress my age up, with earrings DD will rip out, a suit that will end up with baby vomit on it, heals in which i'm likely to trip and drop my baby with... safety first!

differentnameforthis · 29/05/2010 12:05

''also regarding the troll issue, do u seriously think i am making this up???
actually i am a 40yr old mother and thought this would be funny''

No, you thought it would be controversial! Therefore, you ARE trolling!

But really, it is too hard to keep caring what people think all the time! I don't give a toss what people think of me. If they have enough time to worry about me, their lives must be very boring!