young mum prejudice

[SweetMuff]

hi i am new to this site!!
just wondered if anyone else feels the same about being treated bad because your a young mum? it really gets my goat.
ok im 22 with 3 dc under4. BUT -
they were all planned
they all have the same dad
we own our house
i work and my partner works
we dont claim benefits, except cb, which correct me if im wrong, everyone is entitled to
and last but not least i am a bloody good mum!

so why all the patronising comments and filthy looks????????
my dc are never seen looking dirty, scruffy and are wel behaved and have good manners (apart from the baby obv).

AIBU?

Bosomsbythesea

thats really nice of you. No , didn't spoil the day. DD was oblivious and I imediately assumed that she has just misconstrued what I was doing.

I suspect there are some who assume young mum = benefits. I suspect that some also think that being very very young and having children is not a great idea in some circumstances.

It is probably a mixture of reactions. But I honestly believe that the percentage of idiots who would imediately be hostile is pretty low. But I suspect if feels much higher

which post makes you feel sick Bessie?

I work with a girl who is 23 and has two children the oldest on is 4. She looks very young in fact when I first met her I thought she was about 18 (did not know she had children at this point).

She gets a lot of comments including one of our customers asking if both her children had the same dad now I am 38 and have two children the oldest being 14 and I was 25 when he was born and have never been ask if they have the same dad (they do) so I find it very rude to ask someone this on the basis that they are / look young.

I have a friend of 40 how has 3 children by 3 dads and had her 1st when she was 22, when I met her she had 2 and was expecting her 3 and I assumed they all had the same dad (her now husband) and I never felt the need to ask her or anyone else for that matter of what ever age about the parentage of their children.

Sadly though in todays world a lot of mums are young some have multiple children by multiple men and do not do a good job of parenting and these have sadly become the yard stick by which all others are judged.

posieparker - 'Also a young mother is more likely to have children who suffer depression later in life, more likely to be poor, addicts and more likely to be young parents themselves.'

lovely thanks for that. just wondered if you could explain to me how my children are more likely to be poor when they each have a substantial amount in trustfunds and are privately educated.

SIL is in her early 20s. Her dc is the same age as mine. She is a perfectly good mother and I envy her youthful energy.

Yet she constantly gets patronised by health professionals, has had threats of referral to social services if she asks for explanations or second opinions, people assume she has few or no qualifications, and are surprised when she talks about her aspirations for her son.

I don't get any of that. I'm 35.

The OP has a point. Although SIL knows how to write without using textspeak, which probably helps her quite a bit...

different most threads on mn are 'controversal'. does that mean most people are trolls

SweetMuff, yes the statistics do say every child.

ffs and you wonder why?

you have 3 under 4. They are 'privately educated'???

What, at the 'Infant Academy for Babies'?

notcitrus you are quite openly being petty. so now i am a bad mum as i use textspeak.

porc, old mummies not only around since 1980's, my gran was 40 when had my mum(1930's). Life was not a fairytale then either, it did not always follow the plan we would like.
FGS whatever age you have babies, SOMEONE will give you a look, maybe nothing to do with you, just what is in their heads at time.

bosoms no my two eldest attend a very good private prescool linked together with the private school. i detect a hint of jealousy in your post.

SweetMuff - you are obviously a lucky young Mum if you are in your situation. The reality is that a lot of young Mum's aren't, so you may be the exception rather than the rule around your area. People are just reacting to the rule - you should just rise above it and know you are doing the right thing for your kids.

You do seem a little on the combative side though, so just be sure that its your age people are reacting to and not your attitude

Do you? I detect an air of smuggery in your posts but there you are.

There are other lifelines available.

posieparker where did you get this nonsence from, every child???
they must be able to forsee the future better than mystic meg!

not smug but proud

SweetMuff

You also continue to engage only with those with whom you can fight .

Has nothing that has been said by any of us who are trying to engage with you about the possibility of your being defensive, resonated with you at all.

Your continuing to respond to only the posts you see as totally supportive or totally negative does add to the impression that you tend towards being hostile.

ok sorry pag you have a point there, just constantly i feel like i have to explain myself and stand up for myself

Whoa, do you not understand sarcasm? Statistically your children are more likely, than mine, to end up addicts etc etc. Not that they will but it is more likely.

I am struggling to think how a three year old is in a private pre school? And I don't believe, if you are as affluent as you say, that anyone would give you dirty looks. You either have money and are less likely to be judged or you don't.

Being stroppy is not very grown up.

i am off now to take my dc out for their mcdonalds nuggets and lemonade

SweetMuff, I find that's part of the job description of being a mother - constantly having to explain yourself and stand up for yourself. FWIW, I'm an older than average mother, and I got comments all the time about being a "career woman" in the most disparaging tones. You've just got to learn to rise above it or you'll spend your entire life getting irate about it!

I have over-reacted massively to this thread- Bad morning. Apologies to all I've been snappy with.

Just want to add that the OP came here with something that had been bothering her, and the first comment she got was about her name. I'm not sure how helpful it is for mners to post statistics (sources unknown) about how as young mums, our children are more likely to live unhappy lives. That made me want to cry (as I said, bad morning- over-sensitive- Sorry).

Live and let live, eh?

yes posie i understand sarcasm, see my previous post

Sweetmuff

Just have a week or so trying to go into the world assumingthat everyone thinks you are really nice. Smile more than usual and engage with people more.
It honestly does help.

You will always get negativity from some people but it is usually based on their own lack of self esteem. People who shout 'retard' at my son are clearly not feeling great about themselves. People who yell 'flash wanker' at me as I leave the house are clearly not having a good day.

As differentnameforthis says, think of it as their problem and let them get on with it. But don't tar everyone who looks at you with the same brush or you are doing exactly what you accuse them of.

have to go out now.
Hope the thread has been helpful

sorry to hear you have had a bad morning bessie.

i would not worry about the statistics i think we could all guess the source, non existant i would say!!