Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that being an escort is a valid career choice?

300 replies

whatkatydidathome · 26/05/2010 13:41

I have a friend who is 19, unqualified and attractive. She was a lap dancer but is now considering escort work. She has tried it a few times and appears able to earn £200 an hour working for what appears to be a reputable (well as reputable as you can get I suppose!) agency in London. I have been thinking about how I feel about this (and discussing it with dh) and can see why she is doing it and I sort of think that I do think that it is a valid career choice (as long as she sticks with the agency who provide back up etc).

OP posts:
Downdog · 27/05/2010 17:55

It's the world's oldest profession (oldest JOB?) and while it's not for me, I refuse to judge those who decide to become sex workers.

It may be illegal here, but it isn't in many other western societies, where sex workers have been brought into the fold so they can be protected, work in safe environment and be taxed. My sister works in the sex industry so I have some experience with it.

Many many sex workers are exploited, abused and/or are simply desperate to fund drug/alcohol habit dependancy & have emotional issues.

Then again there are many other perfectly healthy and sound of mind women who choose to be sex workers - any why shouldn't they. Though all that I have met have gone into it, not through a life ambition to be a hooker, but as a way of getting themselves out of a tight spot/financial issues.

If she proceeds she must keep her wits about her, takes all the necessary precautions re her health and safety in her work and has an exit plan. It's a job that probably has a higher emotional and physical toll than others, not to mention what she will be exposed to will more than likely put her off men for life. And her trade will depend on her presenting herself, indeed treating herself as a sex object - which may be difficult to sustain & may affect they way she thinks about herself.

I do think at 19 she is being naieve to think that this is a career she will want to be doing as an older woman. Indeed most people these days are not doing the same work at 50 that they were at 19. As for staying with the same agency for years and years - again this is unlikely to happen.

Another problem for sex workers is when they want to move on - they feel ashamed about putting sex worker on their CV etc - so it can cause problems getting out of it & into a 'straighter' life.

whatkatydidathome · 27/05/2010 17:57

Dittany - I don't think that they'd have me but joking apart it is not something that I'd want to do. But then there are lots of things that I wouldn't do for moral or ethical reasons which other people have no problem with. Similarly there are lots of things that I would have no issue with which others do. We all have different moral codes but that doesn't necessarily mean that any individual is necessarily right or wrong, especially in areas where we are talking about consenting adults.

OP posts:
vintagewarrior · 27/05/2010 17:57

Cannot beleive how narrow minded you all are, her body, her choice. If men are silly or desperate enough to part with that much cash, why judge her for taking it. To feed and clothe my child iwould consider it, but would not tell anyone as I wouldn't want my son judged, I wouldn't really care what a bunch of posh mummys thought that's for sure.

dittany · 27/05/2010 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bathbuns · 27/05/2010 18:23

vintage are people judging her for it though, or being hugely concerned for her welfare? For me, it's certainly the latter.

It's so easy nowadays to be very blase about it all, and talk about the woman being empowered and perhaps choosing this job quite voluntarily. That's all well and good but there is imo very little information out there about the grim reality of what happens to lots of these girls after a few years of this type of work(not all, but lots). Even if they come out of it physically safe, it can do such damage emotionally.

whatkatydidathome · 27/05/2010 18:32

Sorry but why do you think that I'm "actively encouraging her"? I have repeatedly said that I have tried to talk her out of it and also that I, and others, have together found her alternatives - got her a room in a shared house (deemed to be too full of second hand furniture), got her on a college course (deemed boring), found her a paid cleaning job (classed as too low paid), found her a voluntary job in the industry she said she wanted to work in (journalism - however the paper was deemed too local and boring) etc etc. She appears to have no problem with selling sex and also wants the kind of money she can make doing this. She is not on drugs, she just wants expensive clothes and make up and does not want to struggle.
I'm not sure why I need to try somethign myself before I can say "okay, if you really want to do this then I will not look down on you for it" to someone else.
Can I ask whether all the non vegetarians telling me to "try it myself" have personally slaughtered many cows for example? I suspect that most have not but are happy with their moral decision to eat them. Ditto for other occupations which I will not list . Accepting the fact that someone else may be happy carrying out an act is not the same as being happy to do it yourself.

OP posts:
dittany · 27/05/2010 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 27/05/2010 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BritFish · 27/05/2010 18:48

dittany, katy just said that the girl has had options, yet chosen to go down this route instead...

dittany · 27/05/2010 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 18:51

whats my problem ????

I just hate sanctimonious claptrap, thats all.
And there appears to be a bucketfull on this thread

whatkatydidathome · 27/05/2010 18:51

As I have said (repeatedly ). I am not "keen" that she prostitutes; just prepared to accept that fact that she has choosen to. Secondly she does have options - as many have pointed out she could buckle down to life on a low income and/or go to college. She does not want to. She has tried living on what she can earn outside sex work and she has tried sex work and she knows which she prefers. I would prefer the low paid non-sex work but then I am not she and I am not that bothered about wearing designer jeans or posh make up. She is.
I don't follow your logic re the cow. I'm assuming that you have also had sex but that you do not want to have sex for money so you must consider the act of "having sex" as different to the act of "having sex for money". Yes I have "had sex" but no I have not "had sex for money" as I too consider the two to be different and do not personally want to do the latter. However if someone else does want to then this is their decision.

OP posts:
dittany · 27/05/2010 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 27/05/2010 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 27/05/2010 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 19:02

Sometimes you have to repeat yourself, just to be heard above the noise. so I will

I have seen many marriages that look very similar to selling sex for money

dittany · 27/05/2010 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bathbuns · 27/05/2010 19:07

wow, you sound lovely Old Mac. Sneering at someone who is genuinely concerned for someone. I have known 2 people who worked as prostitutes and don't want to see someone hurt in the way that they got hurt. How is that sanctimonious?

Oh and I've reported your thread.

OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 19:10

I dont know whether a young woman is being encouraged into something by an older woman at all, I will leave that to the self-appointed expert. You.
But I do know that proper debate is skewed, diverted and wrecked by prats who leap on the high horse and make pronouncements that noone would ever disagree with in order to take the high ground and assume the mantle of morality. And thereby deny it to everyone else

I am concerned with her well-being

What a load of. we are all concerned.

SambuccaKelly · 27/05/2010 19:11

Oh FGS, it's not narrowmindedness to suggest that a young woman with her whole life ahead of her should not be encouraged to view prostitution as a 'career choice'.

And I am not judging the women who do it. Far from it.

But this whole 'her body, her choice' thing is a crock of shit. Female empowerment through selling your body. Yeah, right.

You know, I can't even be bothered to argue the case. if you can't see it, you can't see it.

I hope your young 'friend' has a happy life. Sincerely.

whatkatydidathome · 27/05/2010 19:11

She is not looking for parenting from me . This is why I am thinking about changing my tack as she appears to be gettign more and more fed up with me telling her that she should get a non sex work job and now avoids me. (I do not see her often as we live in different parts of the country but do visit her mothe roccasionally.) I now think that I can do more good by being more accepting of her. If you consider any work in the sex trade to be explotation of women then I can see why you'd object. The fact is that I do not.
Yes she was thrown out of home but primarily because she was seeing, and sleeping with, an older man. Both I and her mother called the police about this but they would not do anything as the girl would not press charges. Her parents attempts to stop her seeing him caused such bad rows that the new husband told her to go so she did. She choose to go with this older man - and I talked to her about this but her arguments were centered around the fact that she could have a lot more "fun" with him as he had a fast car, his own flat etc etc. Boys her age did not and could not afford the kind of presents that he was buying her.

OP posts:
OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 19:21

BathBuns - I am not sneering at you. merely pointing out that there are some methods that should not be used in a serious debate like this one is.
Unless you are Tony Blair

dittany · 27/05/2010 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldMacEIEIO · 27/05/2010 19:34

And Dittany, you skillfully avoid the possibility that some are not harmed by it. For some it might be right