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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by the nasty bullying style of some of the threads on MN.

348 replies

Dismayed · 26/05/2010 11:47

Having just read the thread about whether or not we should be ok about male nusery workers taking DDs to the toilet I have to say I am completely shocked at the aggressive, bullying comments that the poor OP received. FWIW I agree that we should not discriminate against males working in childcare but think that a lot of the battering comments were frankly out of order! As I read the thread I had that sick feeling that I recognised from my schooldays when I witnessed someone being bullied! I'm new to MN and have found a lot of the info and threads helpful but am so disappointed that, instead of finding a source that I had hoped would be non-judgemental and supportive, I have just connected myself to more of that cynical nastiness that I am so fed-up with on fb and in the media!

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 26/05/2010 13:07

but that still seems to suggest breadnbutter if you have to use "and" with it - you don't say a jam and sandwich, do you, whereas you would say breadnbutter and jam (or whatever)

Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about here, not being Scottish, so will bow to the Scots etc. on knowing their own words.

LittleMrsHappy · 26/05/2010 13:10

to you maybe muddleduck, but who's the light banter aimed at?!, Im sure you would have a different opinion, in people trying to ridicule yourself, I will take the moral high ground tho, and not answer to this thread or the other again! you have your banter, it all about the fun..... clearly!

UndomesticHousewife · 26/05/2010 13:11

sunshine, I was responding to your post when I asked if that was the answer, I don't think it is because it just lets the bullies get away with what they are doing. It's not the answer to keep reasonable people away who want the support and advice from Mumsnet, but rather tell the ones who get abusive, angry and personal that their behaviour isn't on.
Mumsnet should do more to make sure this isn't happening as much.

But, the rest of it wasn't aimed at you personally and I haven't read or remembered any posts that would suggest that you are doing these things.

muddleduck · 26/05/2010 13:14

LMH

fwiw I think the line was crossed on the other thread and you were treated very badly. I have said this before.

but my reading of this thread is clearly different to yours.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/05/2010 13:14

LMH now you are really sounding precious and I do declare that was a flounce!

LittleMrsHappy · 26/05/2010 13:15

Muddle, I am going to switch the comp, off, atm that hug would be greatly appreciated. x

thesunshinesbrightly · 26/05/2010 13:15

UndomesticHousewife

It is true, i don't agree with the bullying at all but it's kinda expected,i have been flamed but you can't let it get to you.

Ronaldinhio · 26/05/2010 13:16

thread about threads

muddleduck · 26/05/2010 13:18

LMH

Tis prob a good idea.
In RL we can choose our friends, but on here anyone can join in. This is not always a good thing.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 26/05/2010 13:20

I'm still curious about compilant.

ChickensNeedOpposableThumb · 26/05/2010 13:22

I realised fairly early on that AIBU is actually code for 'I've got PMT, want to fight?'. Viewed this way, it is actually a valuable venting area. My husband and children thank mumsnet for it.

swanandduck · 26/05/2010 13:22

I agree that there are some incredibly rude and aggressive posters on Mumsnet. Even if you don't agree with someone's opinion it still amazes me the way some adults, who are raising children, open responses with 'fuck off' and similar.
I think it does put people off posting or opening threads.

UndomesticHousewife · 26/05/2010 13:23

You're right it's expected, which is a shame because years ago it wasn't like this, but I don't post in AIBU now for this reason, though I might just to start a fight .

thesunshinesbrightly · 26/05/2010 13:24

ChickensNeedOpposableThum...

Agreed

LetThereBeRock · 26/05/2010 13:26

I don't use the term myself but I have also heard people saying a ham piece, a jam piece, a turkey piece etc. It's definitely a sandwich though you could have a piece and butter or a buttered piece.

Original poster
Dismayed · 26/05/2010 13:33

OK, fair enough! I have been reassured that there are a lot of lovely people on MN but agree that I could turn off my computer if I don't like what I read on here so that's what I'll do (tbh I'm often confused by the little 'in-jokes' anyway). Perhaps I should get a thicker skin but I don't really want to be like that! Apologies for not knowing the 'rules' and for not knowing that this topic has been discussed before.

OP posts:
Pogleswood · 26/05/2010 13:36

I've read the other thread and I didn't think there was bullying,only a lot of posters who felt strongly that the OP was wrong.
The fact that you can discuss strongly held beliefs is one of the things I like about MN (in RL I feel I do have to hold back sometimes - not with close friends but with colleagues,DCs' friends' parents - OK ,I am a wuss )
Teasing LMH when she obviously isn't into it is a bit unnecessary though,IMO...

Dismayed,MN is supportive but it isn't non judgemental!

foureleven · 26/05/2010 13:41

I think only the people who write bullying, discriminatory or higly contraversial OPs that will offend others get flammed/ bullied.

If theyve happily upset someone with OP, why should they not be upset in return..?

If you think of some of these OPs as replies then they could be considered bullying themselves..

i.e. "Im a male nursery nurse and today a mother complained about me taking her daughter to the toilet"

Reply "I would feel uncomfortable about a man taking MY daughter to the toilet etc etc"

Would it be ok to flame in that instance.. because she wasnt OP..?

Were all grown women, most of us have been through child birth FFS.. surely we can handle some words on a screen?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 26/05/2010 13:44

Look at the moon

swanandduck · 26/05/2010 13:45

I've seen people get flamed for posts that are certainly not bullying, discriminatory or highly controversial.

WombFrootShoot · 26/05/2010 13:47

Can someone define bullying in this context please?

Disagreement does not = bullying
Following posters around MN dragging stuff up from other threads = bullying IMO.

thesecondcoming · 26/05/2010 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swanandduck · 26/05/2010 13:49

Ridiculing, name calling, implying stuff that the OP never said......

GinSlinger · 26/05/2010 13:51

Don't post in AIBU unless you're bloody well prepared to be told you are. It's not called the killing with kindness thread. I'd cut my own head off AND eat it before I'd post anything in AIBU other than AIBU to be pissed off to tears with people thinking AIBU is an outreach branch of the Samaritans.

pagwatch · 26/05/2010 13:57

we call breakfast, brekstut.
I don't know why
I have never been to Scotland.

The answer to percieved bullying on any thread is to address it there and then. Not another general thread as it looks as though you are saying 'I am lovely, everyone else is a bitch'

we are all just individuals sitting at our computers. there is no mumsnet group creating opinion. If you want to change mumsnet then take your views to the threads in question

bring on the revoloution!