to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

YABU and are part of the sick paedo-mania that is driving men in the UK out of education and child-care roles.

Debi...I referyou back to the title of your post

it says it all

and you are backtracking, lady

I don't quite understand how undignifed having a simple wee is - I have a 4.5 year old and if he's having a wee my role (or indeed any carers) is mostly to open the doors for him if they are too heavy. How much active management does having a wee need in a 4.5 yr old?

do you think the same should apply to little boys and female workers though Debi?

Not attacking, but would genuinely like to hear your view.

Debi but you haven't answered if you would find a female stranger just as upsetting as a male stranger. That's what just doesn't add up here.

yep

is it because he was a stranger

or becuase he was male?

either way, a child wetting themselves in these circs is the worriesome thing

OP I find it a little odd that you think being immodest at 4 will lead to unguarded behaviour later on. As Lulu said, you are projecting sexuality onto her.

That opinion actually reminds me a little of the attitudes of my (catholic) upbringing, i.e. that nakedness is something to be ashamed of. But that's a HUGE can of worms so I'm going to leave that particular thrain of thought there...!

read the title...it tells you all you need to know

Gichin, thank you! I think some people are so narrow minded to think that this automatically links to abuse/paedophillia. If I was that overly paranoid I would be a stay at home mom. I really can't believe that people cannot believe a child deserves dignity!

"TUPPENCE"!!!!

DebiDean you say that it is because he is a stranger not male but if you read your original post it is clearly obvious that the defining factor is because he is male even your title shows this.

So i wonder since you have a son on the way would it bother you if females take your son to the toilet will it impact on his dignity?

Opps - many crossed posts!

JUST RE READ OP THERE IS NOT ONCE A MENTION OF THE MALE NOT BEING IN HER KEY GROUP. IT STATES SHE WAS TAKEN BY A MALE AND I FELT THIS WAS WRONG AND ASKED A FEW PEOPLE WHAT THEY SAID AND GOT A 50/50 RESPONSE.

WELL NOW YOU'VE ASKED A FEW MORE, GOT A 70/30 RESPONSE CHANGED THE STORY ETC.

WHOLE OP IS ABOUT MALE ROLE MODELS AND THEIR ROLES WITHIN A NURSERY.

omg omg omg

< walks away blowing steam from ears>

she has said a few times that for her this is not a paedo thing and she is not concerned about abuse happening.

It is how her dd feels inside when she has to go to the toilet in the presence of a man who is also not one of her main carers. OP as I understand it feels this is demeaning for her child in that her dignity as a female child is compromised in some way whihc the girl feels

I don't really get it tbh but I accept this is what she really feels.

honestly the little girls at the preschool I work at (up to 5yo) couldn't give a stuff what gender the adult is when they've had an accident/need help in the loo. They are more interested in a) choosing which snazzy pants they get to borrow out of the nursery drawer, and b) getting back outside to play

I want to know what Debi thinks about female carers and little boys. And anyone else who said they would feel "uncomfortable" about this too.

Debi Please answer the question (that you so conveniently keep avoiding!)

Am vaguely amused with the very careful guarding of dignity in matters of micuration here. Am I the only woman here who never peed without an appreciative audience of small children for what seemed like years on end?

I am clearly terminally undignified.

"maryz - please READ my posts, I have accepted that the majority of my concern is that he is a STRANGER rather than he is MALE"

OK, so your daughter wasn't happy about being taken to the toilet by a member of staff she was less familiar with. Unfortunately it's just a fact of nursery care that children will have contact with a range of staff, some they'll be closer to than others. If your daughter would do better with care from just one person, then a childminder might be more suitable.

AM STILL WAITING TO HEAR HOW A MALE CARE WORKER IS COMPROMISING HER DIGNITY WHEN IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, SAID CARE WORKER IS PROBABLY OUTSIDE THE DOOR...

STOP IGNORING THE PERTINENT QUESTIONS OR DON'T ASK IF YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE

IT IS BEACUSE HE IS MALE OR A STRANGER!!

Agree missus, i did suggest the very same

i also think it is a concern the child in question would wet herself in these circs

LOL at GerbilMeasles. We are without dignity here too - DS1 likes nothing better than a chat to while away time in the loo.

LULUMAAM wanna start an AIBU to expect an op to answer a question instead of changing the story to suit posters thoughts!!!!

Well I really don't know but once she actually wet herself it was not just a matter of pulling down underwear and sitting on a toilet seat with the door more or less closed. Presumably she had to take the wet things off completely and get wiped down? Otherwise the urine would sting on her legs.

However the point seems to be that it would have been undignified for her to have gone to the toilet iwth a male there anyway, even if no mishap had happened.

As I say, I don't really feel I'm getting it and I think the nursery staff haven't understood it either