to not be willing to leave behind my newborn for my friends 'no children' wedding.

[alannabanana]

so this wedding is taking place in august by which time i will have a roughly 8wk old newborn. i already have a 17 month DS for whom childcare has been arranged, but i have always said that leaving the newbie will not be feasible as i will be breastfeeding (boobies willing!), and to be honest the venue is a bit of a drive and i would not be able to enjoy myself knowing i had left such a young dependent baby with someone else. (i should say at this juncture that the very kind friend in question who would be taking care of DS and the new baby has v little experience of babies but great with toddlers, and ordinarily i would only trust my mum with the baby but she, and indeed my ENTIRE family, will be on holiday at the time of the wedding.)
i stipulated all this months ago to our supposedly close friends - the bride and groom - especially the part about my family being away and DH's family not being an option because they live nowhere near us, and they seemed ok with us having to bring the newbie, but have just received a phone call tonight saying that actually no children means NO children, even tiny babies. now, DH is actually more upset about this than me as the groom is one of his oldest and closest friends - i am of the opinion that if they don't get that you can't just leave an 8wk old baby willy nilly then theres nothing i can do to convince them - but poor DH is actually quite hurt that his mate has effectively withdrawn our invitation to his wedding, and i think he's well within his rights to be hurt, and a bit cross. is this unreasonable you think? im hoping that this doesnt spell the end of our friendship with them but it is disappointing.

Trellism you are mental. Peoples choices just because they are at odds with yours do not make them bad selfish inconsiderate people. Please pull your head out of your arse because you are starting to get annoying now.

Why is it I can go to a wedding with children and not bitch and whine about how crap weddings with kids are/how they spoil it etc etc although I had a child free wedding but others cant accept people have a different view?

A daytime event, children are invited. Evening, they aren't. It's really not complicated. And yes, I have taken my DC to funerals (asked the family beforehand) and while I found it slightly taxing (to me only, we sat right at the back) during the service I was thanked by the family and loads of other guests for having the nerve to bring children to the wake. A joy, a reminder that life continues etc.

And as for the 'oh well babies are okay but I don't want older children' line, my DC (like most I should think) have never been put to bed by anyone other than me or their gran. So I couldn't go to an all day wedding + evening reception unless my mum was able and happy to do that. I know not all parents have that luxury.

I hope that the 'no kids' wedding is held at a point in life when no one you really care about has kids so it really doesn't impact on the B&G if people aren't able to come.

If you ever get remarried, I wonder if the rules will remain ...

If I ever got married personally i'd do it with just me and my hubby. Why oh why would I want to pay for a load of shirty moaning old people who think its a personal slight I dont want their little Cuthbert running riot and spoiling an intimate occassion.

Those of you who had child free weddings, presumably you have been asked to other weddings since you've had children. What have you done with them?

My husbands cousin requested no children at her wedding even though she had a small child herself. What did we do? Got someone to babysit, stayed overnight and made a weekend out of it!

Oh yes I am a hard hearted selfish cow you see for understanding why people dont want kids at their wedding. I just do a job where I help kids get better and from time to time actually save their life- wow what a child hater I really must be!

That's what both my sisters did - eloped Bloody brilliant and good on them. I have no desire to be a prop in someone's 'Big Day'.

Were your children really small and happy to be put to bed by someone else? That's very lucky. I think that's much harder once they get a bit older - between the ages of 2 and 5 I think is really tricky with babysitters

oh Trellism.

first of all, i had kids at my wedding.
i know, its a shocker. and i only invited people i knew and loved. [which as we all know, is a CLASSIC Bridezilla move]

i think if you care to cast your eye across my comments you'll realise that although i think people should be allowed to invite whoever they bloody well want to their wedding
[because i have no sense of 'duty' to invite horrible distant relatives or yes, bratty kids that ive never met]

i have also suggested that it neednt be a big deal. if you cannot go because you cannot organise childcare, if you truly wanted to celebrate with that couple you would find time to get together with them in the future.
equally, if the bride and groom really care for you, they will be disappointed you cannot come but accept your reasons and suggest a meet up, or they might spend the extra cash on providing childcare for your children.

il go back to the birthday party thing. DO tell me Trellism, do you invite all your friends kids to any of your birthday parties?

good use of the dictionary terms. however, let me replace them.

Bride (n): A individual hosting a ceremony and/or party in which she is joined with her husband in a legally binding ceremony, and then a raucous piss-up, relaxed evening of food and friends, giant family get together, take your pick.

Wedding (n): a ceremony and/or party in which bride and groom are to be joined together in matrimony, and to celebrate with the ones bride and groom feel are dearest to them.

Friend (n): someone who wishes to be with the bride/groom on their special day. may come with or without kids, depending on how bride and groom want to play it. after all, its their party and they'll cry if they want to...

Child (n): sometimes a welcome addition to the party, sometimes a creature that would prefer to be tucked up in bed at home.

Baby (n): see above. special attachment to above friend, usually due to inability to feed self .

oh oh oh and one more thing.

if a guest had an elderly parent who youd never met who was still sprightly but very confused and unable to look after themselves, would you invite them to your wedding too?

genuine question.

I think its called a guest- sharing the happiness of two people you actually like, well unless they dont want your little rays of sunshine at their wedding and then you automatically dislike them...

I agree with everything redredwine said.

My view is that people who think having a baby/family trumps everyone else (even's close friends' big day) is mememe.

As a single person I definitely preferred childfree events, come to think of it, even now I do.

Oh I know you were minty- just clearing up the inevitable labels i'll no doubt be branded by some!

LetThereBeRock: perhaps, but DH (who wrote that) has been at the receiving end of a particularly shitty Bridezilla experience along with me and DD.

That doesn't give you/him the right to be so nasty towards anyone who has ever had a child free wedding or anyone who has no objection to them.

It doesn't give either of you the right to stereotype the same people as selfish,arrogant and lacking in empathy.

A delicious irony that RedRedWine et al argue for the right of anyone to do anything on their "special day, Hun"; but god forbid someone request the right to have a negative opinion of that choice. That's verboten!

MintHumbug - that's what I've done when I've gone to weddings that I've not wanted to take DC to but my parents aren't always available. And of course that doesn't really work for family weddings, as presumably the grandparents are also invited.

As a guest, I would prefer to be given the option. As a host, I would give my guests the option too. I wouldn't have a wedding or any event at a venue that wasn't suitable for the disabled or children. But then given I have the former in my immediate family, I am pretty sensitive to inclusion

To me its like the age old vegetarian debate. Dont agree with eating meat- dont eat it. Dont agree with child free weddings- dont have one! However thinking you have the right to call other people names/brand them selfish/dictate what they should be doing- nooooo!! Out of order entirely

redredwine, agreed.

its not my fecking job to please fecking everyone. if you cant come because of your kids, thats fine, when could we meet up another time to celebrate, if you wanted?

is that Bridezilla-y?

Bridezilla is- you all must wear calvin klein white. and no ugly people. and you all must be at my beck and call all wedding day. and im inviting your daughter because she is adorable and will look great in the pictures as my flower girl, but your son has a wierd nose and is too loud so he cant come at all. oh and i wont cater to veggies. and you all must stand around fro six billion years while i get all my photos done of me looking like every other fecking bride in the universe.

Nope, people are entitled to their view. However as I said earlier why is it ME who had a child free wedding isnt going round trying to convince people that weddings are no place for children, unlike those who are against childfree weddings?

and trellism, im still waiting on the elderly parent question, if you please

Don't understand your irony, Trellism

And, actually, yes. If you have a wedding then, in my opinion, family does trump bridezilla. You'll find most non Anglo Saxon cultures believe this. Otherwise elope or go to an island or something.

Yes, I'd invite the confused old dear. Why not? Might be a lark. I even had a vegan at my wedding.