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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend shouldn't be discussing this yet with her 12 year old dd (bit intimate0

104 replies

Curiousmama · 15/05/2010 11:24

She's been discussing puberty etc.. with her dd who's starting to change slowly. That's a good thing as I believe you need to be open and able to talk about this sort of thing.

But she's also said she'll show her how to shave her lady bits when she needs to. I know my friend is obsessed with this for herself but surely her dd should choose? Not that I want to know but I just feel it's going a bit too far. Or am I being stuffy, is this the norm? I only have dss but have lots of girls in my family and have never heard of this?

Btw friend isn't a mumsnetter so won't see this. Although tbh, if it came up I'd say it to her face that I think she should let her decide.

OP posts:
LutyensVotes · 15/05/2010 11:28

My mum showed me (or at least did a demo with a razor, didn't actually shave her bits in front of me iyswim) when I was 12. Not that different from a dad showing his teenage son how to shave his face is it?

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2010 11:33

i think it's unnecessary but as long as she makes it clear that it's absolutely her decision then it's not so bad I guess

My mum was very much of the opinion that I didn't need to wear make-up, shave etc etc to look nice... people ought to like me for who I was
but I WANTED to sometimes wear make up, and shave my legs and things and it'd have been nice if someone would have shown me how to do it all properly

sharbie · 15/05/2010 11:35

what do you mean by ladybits

QOD · 15/05/2010 11:36

Depends if it shows outside of swimwear lines etc, my dd is 11 and mortified by puberty and would be really upset and embarassed if it showed.
I wouldn't SHAVE her but do have a tube of hair remover already on standby for legs, bits and pits!

bluejeans · 15/05/2010 11:38

I'll be doing this with my DD, definitely. Don't want her to be embarrassed by hairy bits sticking out of her swimming costume like I was as a teenager! (although maybe I was just very hairy!)

bluejeans · 15/05/2010 11:39

X post with QOD!

Original poster
Curiousmama · 15/05/2010 11:41

Sorry meant all off, would have no problem about bikini line that's normal.

Ok maybe I'm being weird as no-one showed me but then my peers were there for advice or I maybe read about it in mags? But am ancient so can't really remember

OP posts:
bluejeans · 15/05/2010 11:42

Ah that's a bit different and not right imo!

foureleven · 15/05/2010 11:44

I think its essential to explain this in order to avoid embarrasment in changing rooms etc. Pubes are natural of course and she should know its her choice how far she goes with it.. Im guessing your friend isnt encouraging a Hollywood..?!
The poster who said about it being the same as boys shaving beards was right.

Original poster
Curiousmama · 15/05/2010 11:46

Yes she's encouraging a hollywood. Sorry I wasn't being clear,I'm not firing on all cylinders at the moment.

OP posts:
sharbie · 15/05/2010 11:51

argh no then

foureleven · 15/05/2010 12:00

Oh... god. I have a Hollywood, have done since I was about 21 and to be honest its a complete pain in the arse to maintain.

Why would anyone wish that level of grooming on a 12 year old..?

Plus, she shouldnt be SHAVING it! and I doubt any beautician worth their salt would work on a 12 year old...

DuelingFanjo · 15/05/2010 12:08

I think it's bizzare. I do trim my 'bits' but I think teaching a child that shaving your 'bits' is part of a normal routine is just odd behaviour.

Original poster
Curiousmama · 15/05/2010 12:23

Glad it's not just me then.

OP posts:
Marne · 15/05/2010 12:29

Her daughter, her choice.

I was never told about shaving by my mum although she was very open about other things (sex and periods).

My daughters only 6 (so no need to show her at the moment) but the bathroom door is never shut in our house so she has seen me trimming my lady garden.

I think i would have been very embarassed if my mum got her bits out and showed me how to shave when i was 12 .

KerryMumbles · 15/05/2010 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansmistress · 15/05/2010 12:32

No, YANBU, it is totally weird and strange to suggest your pubescent daughter needs to shave all of her pubic hair off. Showing her is even worse!

I would suggest your friend is a bit weird. I understand that for her, total pube removal might be a normal part of adult grooming but it certainly isn't normal for everyone, and completely unnecessary for a child. Plus, isn't pube removal a bit of a sexual thing? {ick}

CantSupinate · 15/05/2010 12:36

My mother was a very au naturelle nudist, I guess it was a 1970s thing? They just didn't see the need to shave or trim back then. I still struggle with this modern cultural obsession against body hair.

If I understand OP correctly I'm thinking yanbu, It's a personal preference thing, not "needs to".

RunawayWife · 15/05/2010 12:41

I worked it all out for myself, I would have been mortified if my mother had got involved in giving demos

Zondra · 15/05/2010 12:47

Encouraging your daughter to fully shave her vulva at 12 is weird & pretty disgusting.
I'm despairing of the creeping of porn ideals into "normal" life. Sick.

Grooming is fine. Noone wants their child to be embarrassed by spiders legs hanging out of their swimsuit but, encouraging fully bald down there is wrong.

Btw- I am not a hairy hippy dippy type. I am groomed down there depending on my mood. Sometimes all off,trimmed,landing strip,etc. But, I am an adult & it definitely is for me has sexual connotations. My DH likes to be surprised when he comes home from working abroad & it gives him something to look foward to iyswim?

Before, anybody trots out the hygiene excuse. That is nonsense. As long as hot water & soap is available then there is no need to worry.

Firawla · 15/05/2010 12:53

its normal.. i would tell mine to do it, i would not demonstrate infront of them no way but give them a razor, wax, cream or whatever they want and tell them to do it as part of their hygine and normal routine then yes. i dont see why its weird. i think there was a long thread on this before with some people saying its a porn related thing but its not, in our religion we are told to do it for hygiene (muslim). i dont see why its considered so sexual and wrong for them to remove it, do you consider it the same for arm pits hair then? cos its just the same really..

BertieBotts · 15/05/2010 12:55

Maybe she thinks that she will be likely to want to shave it in the future and wants to prevent the inevitable googling for "How to shave your fanny" which could bring up some... other kind of instructional videos!

It is sad though that she thinks her daughter will want to do this at 12 What is sadder is now she has mentioned it, she probably will

I think it's probably more hygienic to have hair there, BTW, assuming you wash!

CantSupinate · 15/05/2010 13:01

Sorry, but I dispute whether shaving the crotch and underarms are really "just the same".

Hairy Underarms smell very badly very quickly even with mega powerful deordorant -- that is their biological function, to stink.

Hairy crotch only needs a good wash once a day to avoid smelling, they never smell as bad as hairy pits!

policywonk · 15/05/2010 13:08

Oh yuk (to OP, not read thread yet)

LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 13:13

But lady bits do need a trim, if they grow outside of a swimming costume area. It's so not a good look.