To think my friend shouldn't be discussing this yet with her 12 year old dd (bit intimate0

[Curiousmama]

She's been discussing puberty etc.. with her dd who's starting to change slowly. That's a good thing as I believe you need to be open and able to talk about this sort of thing.

But she's also said she'll show her how to shave her lady bits when she needs to. I know my friend is obsessed with this for herself but surely her dd should choose? Not that I want to know but I just feel it's going a bit too far. Or am I being stuffy, is this the norm? I only have dss but have lots of girls in my family and have never heard of this?

Btw friend isn't a mumsnetter so won't see this. Although tbh, if it came up I'd say it to her face that I think she should let her decide.

YANBU. The point about allowing a teen to shave armpits and legs is that they are on view and they might be self conscious, as most women remove these. It isn't standard to have a Hollywood. Shaving the bikini line is fine, if she feels embarrassed in swimwear.

I would hate to be shaved personally, I would feel like a big baby, but I respect people who prefer this. I am very fussy about my legs and underarms though.

Personally I just trim that area, but then I don't have a lot of body hair so it is quite a neat triangle anyway, IYSWIM

Brazilian is a landing strip going up the middle.

"I have already decided that she will be allowed to shave as soon as she goes to senior school. "

I find the idea odd that a child should have to ask permission to shave or to apply an age level - surely if and when she wants to shave she should.

I think it must depend if you are prone to be really hairy or not. I think teaching a child that a hollywood is the norm is wrong and urghh, but bikini line maintenence is probably advised if you are very hairy.

My Mum was crap really, she didn't tell me about anything, I didn't even tell her when I started my periods. Luckily I'm not a very hairy person really and didn't need to know about any of this. My friend however was very hairy, her mother advised her wrt bikini line etc and she did use immac.

Tbh I don't even maintain my own erm topiary, so I'm unlikely to be advising dd (unless she asks?).

And as for the whole cultural thing wrt Muslim's, wonder who thought that one up, was it men perchance?

Surely along with foreskins, pubic hair serves an actual purpose??

Widow - I quite agree! Her body, her choice, surely!

Gigantur

"DD is 5 but has lots of very dark obvious hair,. just like me.
I have already decided that she will be allowed to shave as soon as she goes to senior school.

She has seen me shaving before so knows all about it. as and when the time comes i will be happy for her to ask and for me to explain. not sure i will give her a demo....its bad enough having to look at my own fanjo let alone flashing it to my dd."

Hang on a sec... your daughter is five and has pubic hair?

Stop being such a prude, OP!

ooh, no not pubic hair yet.

but she is very hairy as am i.

her legs, arms and back are already very very hairy, more noticeably than most adult women.

I will try and postpone her shaving for as long as possible but I fear she will want to earlier than most

Oh I do despair at our culture that persists in making women feel their body hair is unacceptable, and even more when it's women who persist in upholding that idea. I have a DS so this might not ever come up for me but if I had a DD I would do my best to help her accept and love herself, and not to feel ashamed of her body. If she wanted, as an adult, to shave her legs (as I do sometimes) or let her airpit hair grow (as I do sometimes), I'd hope she'd be doing it for HER, not for anyone else, and not because she felt she had to.
I'm a hairy mary myself, lucky enough to have a man who doesn't care much, but then, I wouldnt be with a man who made me feel bad about myself. And he wouldn't dare, anyway!
I can't be arsed with bikini-line faff, I just wear bikini shorts if I;m swimming.

awful awful awful
i would be gutted if my daughter turned into a shaver of bits
she is a woman - natural woman

MudandRoses - another bikini shorts-wearer here - they save sooo much hassle!

PosyPetrovaPauline - I love your name!

would be surprised if this is the norm tbh

I started with a Bollywood when I was 14, taught by my mums mum.

It's like a Hollywood, excepts its done with a naan

OMG I must be so old and boring and SO out of touch. Surely there must be parts of this country where its OK and fine to not mess about with your pubic hair - I can see it if you want/need a tidy bikini line but for the rest of it - it's natural. What's wrong with that? Surely you don't need to be a '70s hippy' to explain why you just leave it as it is?

Your friend is in danger of passing her pube neurosis onto her poor DD. Nothing wrong with hair removal on legs, underarms, bikini line if her DD is self-conscious about it, although I would always recommend waxing, rather than shaving, particularly if she's starting young (long-term waxing results in less regrowth and finer hair) but removing everything? No, not good and will definitely mark her DD out as 'weird' on sleepovers etc. You say you'd say something to her face if the topic came up, if I were you, I'd bring it up and gently suggest she'll be causing all sorts of problems for her DD.

workingitout no no no not old and boring

beautiful - natural and not afraid of your own body and sexuality

"It's like a Hollywood, excepts its done with a naan"

snurk.....

PosyPetrovaPauline - also don't want my daughter to be a 'shaver of bits'.

um, i hate to say it, but i find its very itchy if i let it get too long down there... i dont think pube shaving is neccassarily a sign of being un male enslavement...

hmmm i would have thought that is just your body being used to being clipped

i dont get itchy but then i dont de hair down there

my head never itches though

I would definitely teach a dd to shave properly, nobody taught me. I used step fathers dry shaver secretly for about 3 years. But just her armpits and legs, and about bikini trims, on a as needed basis.
I may tell her about waxing and stuff, but would not want her to do it unless she was older and old enough to pay for getting it done.
My friend said the sooner you wax the better it is,(hair grows back softer and comes out easier) and she is giving her dd's gift cert. for Brazilians when they reach age 15.

Agree it's definitely a personal choice whether to trim/remove "lady garden" (love the description, whichever MN started that) and age/maturity must also be a prime consideration.

However, I'm not sure about Firawla's "in our religion we are told to do it for hygiene(muslim)" comment.

TOLD TO DO IT - that's just so wrong! Who on earth (male religious leaders especially) has the right to dictate such a personal thing? I really don't get aspects of the muslim religion, if this is true.

did I understand that correctly - muslim women remove all their pubes as a matter of course? Really? It's part of the religion? Or akin to the veil?except sort of the opposite I suppose? Am confused. Find it a bit weird that a religion would discuss pubes. So a full on toe-the-line muslim woman would remove all pubes upon marriage? Fascinating.

I'm not a fan of extreme pubic topiary. A bit of trimming for swimming is fine, and prefer creams to razer as less likely to cause infection in me.
Encouraging your daughter to remove all her pubic hair because you don't like it when she's only just grown it seems a bit mad, but some women do seem to have an "any hair on your body is evil and should be killed" philosophy which I find strange.

It is quite common for muslim women in the Arab world to remove all body hair, but I'm not sure if this is a cultural rather than a strictly religious thing. I'm not sure if (eg) Pakistani or SE Asian muslims would also do this.