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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not log in to mumsnet these days never got serious advice just loads of bitching

178 replies

justsue · 11/05/2010 23:53

Hi all I logged into this site last year to discuss my son, (who now is settled with my first darling grandchild, she is lovely). Then came back bout my "father" but cannot get people to understand what is going on. I watch u all bitching about stupid stuff and would love to say " ugh hello there is other things going on in the world than MY CHILD IS NOT TALKING TO ANOTHER CHILD AND I WANT TO BEAT HER MOTHER. Get a grip people. I dont give a shit if your child hates billy across the road and he has not been invited to the party , get over it , I dont give a flying fish if your nannie does not live up to your standards, do it yourself for gods sake, what I do do give a shit about is how fucking malicious you lot are and how we "newbies" dare not post again for advice

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 12/05/2010 00:25

are we in AIBU?? oh dear, not a good place to expect niceness op..

thinker.... inny's or outies?

SirBoobAlot · 12/05/2010 00:25

OP, do you want to start another thread to discuss this? Simply because everyone posters occasionally don't read the whole thread and just reply to the OP. I'd hate for you to get attacked if you want to speak about something like this. Though of course if you're comfortable talk here, ignore me

thinker · 12/05/2010 00:27

Sorry OP

Well they look like sticky out belly buttons.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 12/05/2010 00:29

Tony Blair looks rather rat like don't you think?

You should start another thread sue, just as sirbob suggests

thinker · 12/05/2010 00:29

BELLYDECHOCCYFLUFFTHINGY He isnt much of a looker but he had a really little sexy way of talking, like he needed to swallow but was supressing it, it was very erm wahts the word, not slight SUBTLE.

Original poster
justsue · 12/05/2010 00:29

ok, again apologies, I have had the most crappy day. I became a full time carer (after being made redundant for my "dad" in Jan). My dad put me into care when I was fifteen for not being perfect, meaning I had a hare clip and clefte palate, (its sorted now). I am his carer OMG I have not been in touch with him for the last fifteen years since my mum died, and he treated her like a piece of dirt, she died of malnutrition (sorry cant spell that lol). So when I come on here and want to post my life, I look at what is going on and think omg no one will belive me and yes I got "angry" but not in a real life way

OP posts:
thinker · 12/05/2010 00:30

Apparantly John prescott used to be lush in his day.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 12/05/2010 00:30

ROFL!! sexy way of talking? Haaaaaa! He looks like a rat, he looks like roland rat

toccatanfudge · 12/05/2010 00:31

agree with the others - start another thread not in AIBU.........and ask for this to be deleted.

The way MN goes people are going to read your OP and reply based on that without reading further on......

thinker · 12/05/2010 00:32

I think it isnt fair on JUSTSUE shall we take this elsewhere ??

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 12/05/2010 00:32

Oh sue, that's terrible. How did you find yourself caring for him? Have social services offered any help?

Thediaryofanobody · 12/05/2010 00:33

Sue the sad thing is people will believe you because of the terribly shitty things they've experienced.
I would have, my dad ended up caring for his terrible terrible mother.

unltd · 12/05/2010 00:34

do you WANT to be his carer

you can say no

im sure its more complicated than that

you poor thing

Casmama · 12/05/2010 00:34

How did you end up having to care for this man?

wukter · 12/05/2010 00:35

Start one in Relationships maybe, lots of caring, wise people there.
Sad for you, Sue.

Original poster
justsue · 12/05/2010 00:38

I just sort of fell into it, I had been made redundant, needed the money at the time, and the stupid thing is I feel sorry for him, He thinks I had this perfect childhood and he and mum took me to the hospital every year for the operations, when in real life he walked away, dont get me wrong my mum was fantastic and I love her to death I hated him from the age of 15 (I am now 45). I leave my feelings at home and care for him simple as that, but today was a bad day and I was wrong for posting in this site. Im sorry people I just want support I guess and not bitching thats all

OP posts:
Original poster
justsue · 12/05/2010 00:43

I look after him for my mum,he does not remember the bad times, he thinks we had a fantastic childhood. I feel satisfied that he depends on me , thinks i am the "perfect child". Ok your all right I should post this elsewhere, but tonight I am getting to talk about this

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 12/05/2010 00:43

No, it's OK, really it is. You really do seem very angry which is understandable. It can be really hard when you have a family member who can't see the damage they have caused.

Casmama · 12/05/2010 00:46

Do you believe that is how he recalls your childhood and have you discussed with him that is not how your remember it?

unltd · 12/05/2010 00:46

that sounds really really difficult

how much care does he need?

can you get any outside agencies to help you?

sorry for all the questions, maybe practical help might make things easier for you

Casmama · 12/05/2010 00:48

Just read your previous post re not being in touch with him for fifteen years - this must be horrendous for you. Is there any way you can get out of it, are there any other family members?

Original poster
justsue · 12/05/2010 00:48

Im not angry I promise, im just really sad lol, I moved on a long time ago and I look in the mirror and see a nice person. Yes I have had my troubles like everyone else but I deal each day as it comes. Tonight I could quite happily put him in a care home and walk away (and rightly so), but I wont, I will not let judgemental people affect me and I suppose thats what this thread was all about really....... no iM NOT A NUTTER

OP posts:
Onestonetogo · 12/05/2010 00:49

justsue, don't neglect yourself by putting him before everything else in your life. It's as if you're putting aside your life and your happiness for him (which he obviously doesn't deserve. I'm sorry but a parent who turns his back on his DC doesn't deserved to be cared for by them!).

Casmama · 12/05/2010 00:51

Who are the judgemental people? I agree with onestone - it seems like you are the one suffering here regardless of the judgemental people. In the circumstances would it not be better for you if you were to put him in a care home? Sorry for all the questions.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 12/05/2010 00:57

No one has said you are a nutter.

I think it depends on what you are trying to achieve by caring for him. It's great having the power, having him depend on you but if you think about it, it's not going to make it all OK. My mum was a bit of a cow, she had mental health problems and at one point she blamed me for her being sectioned. I don't have a close relationship with her and I (and my sister) see myself as her carer as she is often in need of support. It took a long time for me to see her as a person with faults rather then my mother. She's not perfect, she made mistakes, sometimes really big ones. I did hate her for a long time, now I don't for she's just a creature of her circumstances. When I learned about her, about her relationship with her parents and when I saw that she was a person I changed.

Do you have family who will help you? Caring for someone is very hardgoing.