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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be cross with hubby for seeing other women naked in a sauna??

132 replies

XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 09:53

Hi, I am new here. Have lurked for a long time and enjoy reading through lots of threads on mumsnet.

SO, Am I being Unreasonable.

We went on holiday with friends last week and we had a sauna attached to our holiday accomodation. We had a bbq and then our friends went back to their holiday 'home' and I stayed at ours with kiddies who were asleep. Husband asked if he could go with friends to carry on drinking and chatting which I said was fine.

Next day he tells me they had a sauna, thats fine. However, I know here that 2 of the girls that were friends of our friends rather than close friends of ours, were naked.

I'm cross that he stayed, should I be?? Or should I just let it go and accept it?

Thanks in advance, its been niggling at me for days!

OP posts:
foureleven · 06/05/2010 16:55

I havent read all of this. Gut reaction. What would you have done OP?

I would have left immiediatley as I would have felt disrespectful to my DP to be in the company of naked men. Id like to think he would do the same.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 17:00

foureleven, exactly my point. thats what I thought when I heard about it??

OP posts:
foureleven · 06/05/2010 17:01

Have read it now. And i stand by what i said.

A sauna in the day time where it is acceptable to be naked is one thing, and fine in my opinion. But a late night sauna after you have been drinking, with naked women, then keeping it from your wife...? not cool.

LadyBiscuit · 06/05/2010 17:08

disrespectful?? blimey. No one even looks at other people in the sauna.

This thread reminds me of when I was a kid and my friend, her mum and I were in the sauna in a hotel on holiday. This old bloke came in and wanted us to take our swimsuits off (like you're supposed to otherwise all the chlorine gets into the air) and grabbed the strap of my suit to try and show what he meant because we couldn't understand what he was saying. My friend's mum went ballistic and chased him out of the sauna and round the pool, flicking him with her towel and shouting 'dirty old man' in full view of all the people sitting in the restaurant which overlooked the pool

motherinferior · 06/05/2010 17:14

The hygiene is also for you. A sauna in a swimsuit is a one-way ticket to thrush, I understand.

I would be fed up if I were left in charge of the kids while my DP was out boozing. The nakedness, though, not a problem.

SolidGoldBrass · 06/05/2010 17:21

TBH once you have spent your first half hour being naked around other naked people unless you are a completely insanely sexually dysfunctional prude, you will have reached a really good level of acceptance of your own body, no matter what it looks like, which will never entirely leave you.

KissWithAFistula · 06/05/2010 17:22

ROFL LadyBiscuit!

Poor man - was he naked and being chased? Rather like a reverse Benny Hill

pearlym · 06/05/2010 17:30

I think the key si the fact that it was late at night after a few drinks - key difference between that and a sober sauna in the afternoon.

Haven't heard the word growler in this context for years, v funny, but i also recall that in 1980s yorkshire, growler was another word for pork pie, as well

jenduff · 06/05/2010 18:05

Yes I think there are different connotations between a mixed public sauna with strangers during the day to a late night drunken stripping off within a group of friends of friends - can't say exactly why but it just doesn't sit comfortably with me.

LadyBiscuit · 06/05/2010 18:18

Yes, the man was naked. Was indeed like a reverse Benny Hill.

smallorange · 06/05/2010 18:42

Yes that's it. Dp sat in a sauna chatting to some friends in the afternoon would not really bother me, even some of the women were naked.

But a drunken evening on holiday? That wouldbpiss me off. You need to have words with him.

Habbibu · 06/05/2010 19:12

I went to a big academic conference in Finland once; one of the activities was a meal followed by a sauna. I'm not good in heat, so passed, and sat by the lake. It's funny how the very eminent people who scare you stupid in their mufti are suddenly humanised when you see them legging it out of a sauna to fling themselves naked in a lake! That sauna had separate men's and women's sections, but the leaping into the lake was very much a mixed sex activity.

Sassyfrassy · 06/05/2010 19:13

I'm swedish and love saunas. If in mixed company (unless at a party) everyone would have a towel around their waist at least and a lot of women would cover their breasts as well.

Single sex saunas you'd just use your towel to sit on though.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 19:29

Thanks for all the replies. I have yet to talk to him about it but will let you know how the conversation goes!

Lol at the Benny Hill type scenario though.

OP posts:
smallorange · 06/05/2010 19:29

DP thinks it's an over reaction. 'It's just some naked people,'apparently.

susssiq · 06/05/2010 19:30

I live in sweden and also back up that mixed saunas are common (I have one at home actually as do many of my friends) and we often sauna mixed couples and I always wear a towel around me and dont expose myself more than necessary. at swimming baths they are usually gender specific as are changing rooms.

WidowWadman · 06/05/2010 19:30

I'm German and love saunas. However haven't been since moving to the UK. The sauna I went to was mixed and I never saw it as a problem. There are also single sex facilities, but mixed sex is certainly not regarded as weird.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 19:38

smallorange, probably what my husbands reaction will be! Although I am sure he wouldn't see it like that if it was me telling him I was drunk and in a sauna with some naked men??!

OP posts:
MissMarjoribanks · 06/05/2010 19:53

It wouldn't occur to me that I would need to be told by my DH that there were naked women in a sauna he had attended.

DH: Hi DW, I'm home.
Me: Hi darling, have you had a good time?
DH: Oh yes, there was a sauna. I must tell you immediately that two of the ladies were naked.
Me: Really, darling? How interesting.

Then again, we've been together to a couple of mixed sex saunas where everyone was naked, so perhaps we don't share the nudity = sex view.

Missus84 · 06/05/2010 20:25

Wouldn't have bothered me. It was just some naked people sitting around rather than an orgy I presume.

NetworkGuy · 07/05/2010 09:30

" we had a sauna attached to our holiday accomodation."

So am I being a bit dumb in thinking he was "host" and while you are upset / offended / angry that he didn't explain what had happened, he may have (me just being on the fence!) sticking there to be sure that nothing outrageous went on, and you (as whole family) might go to the sauna the next day and found sauna with used condoms or other "evidence" of what went on.

After a few drinks, and friends of friends whose mindset you're unable to know, almost anything might have happened.

I'd have to lose at least 4.5 stone before considering going in a sauna (with or without trunks) and it just doesn't appeal to me anyway ('sensitive hands' compared with my Mum's 'asbestos hands' LOL) but they are potentially dangerous too, so after a few drinks, it might be that he was simply being cautious.

Quite understand: YANBU to be upset, and I'm not saying "give him a break" as I'm a bloke, but unless you get his explanation, we're all going to remain in the dark.

foureleven · 07/05/2010 09:46

Network guy.... If he was that concerned he could have just told OP when he went to bed 'theyre getting a bit raunchy down there, make sure one of us checks it out for condoms etc before any of the kids go in..'

We do need his explaination though OP, come on!

zazen · 07/05/2010 09:48

Was there the whipping with the birch twigs?

I absolutely love a sauna and steam room, but loathe MIXED ones - bluuurgh... yuk yuk.. I've been felt up in a sauna by a bloke - it was just a horrible experience.

I don't wear anything in the steam room, if I can, except a towel and my own sweat! it's better for the skin, and you don't get a funny smell from chlorine in the cossies.

I expect you are feeling a little bit miffed about
a) him not telling you himself
b) being 'on duty' with your lovely babes
c) post partum body blues, perhaps?
d) memories? of Kenny Everret style 1970s porn movies, when 'all my clothes fell off'!!

(remember Kenny - ah bless 'im)

However, your DH sounds like a good bloke, and now you have every excuse for a lot of 'me' time! Enjoy your hols.

Welcome to Mumsnet.

LillianGish · 07/05/2010 10:03

We lived in Berlin for some years where you would be very much frowned on for wearing a swimsuit in a sauna, steam room or even some spa and hotel swimming pools - but heaven help you if you didn't wear flip flops! I must say I could never really get used it - I wouldn't have minded if it had been single sex, but it never was. My German friends thought I was bonkers - one even refused to swim in some public pools where you had to wear a swimsuit. That said, it never bothered dh - I just don't think men have so many hang ups about their bodies.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 07/05/2010 10:30

Hi,

It wasn't our sauna even though we had one. He followed them back to their accommodation to carry on drinking and chatting and it ended up in the sauna.

No, no chats as yet, he was working late last night so I haven't even seen him yet!

OP posts: