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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be cross with hubby for seeing other women naked in a sauna??

132 replies

XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 09:53

Hi, I am new here. Have lurked for a long time and enjoy reading through lots of threads on mumsnet.

SO, Am I being Unreasonable.

We went on holiday with friends last week and we had a sauna attached to our holiday accomodation. We had a bbq and then our friends went back to their holiday 'home' and I stayed at ours with kiddies who were asleep. Husband asked if he could go with friends to carry on drinking and chatting which I said was fine.

Next day he tells me they had a sauna, thats fine. However, I know here that 2 of the girls that were friends of our friends rather than close friends of ours, were naked.

I'm cross that he stayed, should I be?? Or should I just let it go and accept it?

Thanks in advance, its been niggling at me for days!

OP posts:
DumpyOldWoman · 06/05/2010 11:14

OP: Put out his eyes.
That is the biblical and the Shakespearean model. You can't go wrong.

Tattyhead78 · 06/05/2010 11:18

IMHO if you had been to a naked sauna yourself, regardless of how many children you have had or how you feel about your body at the moment, you would definitely feel much better about your body afterwards! Goodness, there are many specimens out there and they don't care (mentioning no nationalities...)! YAB a little U, but I think you need to liberate yourself so that you don't feel this way any more. I recommend a holiday to a country where naked sauna is compulsory, such as Germany or Austria (yes, you will get funny looks in the swimsuit, as it is unhygienic) and you will soon feel better. Or you can be a true Brit, hide in the steam room and snigger at the naked old men walking past... Somehow naked people are less sexy than people with clothes on too, or is that just me?

ChippingIn · 06/05/2010 11:46

Y (and a bunch of others) ABU

If I went to a sauna and some people in there were naked, it wouldn't even occur to me to tell/confess - I wouldn't have even thought about it afterwards... I don't understand why you think he's keeping some big secret?

Tattyhead - no, it's not just you!

Snobear4000 · 06/05/2010 11:50

YABU.

Nudity does not mean sexuality. Um, except in the English-speaking world.

Out of interest, what country were you in?

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 11:51

Sorry I disappeared. Child emergency, well it was an emergency to the child anyway!

Ok, so I am being slightly unreasonable and slightly miffed that he didn't tell me and be honest about it.

Am off to try and be not so much of a prude and vote in the nude!

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Blumke · 06/05/2010 12:11

Sauna ettiquette in Scandinavia is:

It is normal to go naked into the sauna. Most saunas have signs saying no swimsuits. This is for hygiene reasons.

However it is not normal to sauna with mixed company.
I have saunaed naked with my mother-in-law, with my female boss and even with a famous actress but never with any man other than my husband or my sons who are both under 7 (considered the cut off age).

So YANBU . Naked fine, mixed company definitely not.

pearlym · 06/05/2010 12:25

YANBU, in theory, easy to say "don't be uptight" but I would feel really weird about it. I would feel bad that I had been left to look after the kids when this was going on, would feel v out of it all
I havw never liked that " daring " and "fun" nakedness stuff as I think there is more going on under surface, i.e comparing bodies, a bit of flirting, etc. maybe that is just me

mayorquimby · 06/05/2010 12:37

yes but there's a diffference between feeling weird/ uncomfortable with it yourself and being mad at your OH for simply being in a sauna when others stripped off. No need to get pissed off at someone else over your own hang-ups.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 12:37

pearlym, probablu the way I am feeling about it all.

I will speak to him tonight.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 12:43

Agree with pearly

MillyR · 06/05/2010 12:46

I agree with Blumke about Scandinavia - in a mixed sauna at a public pool you would be expected to wear a swimming costume.

Despite this, for once I agree with SGB. I do think nudity is quite normal in a private sauna, and I don't see it as being daring or sexual. As for comparing bodies, unless your concern is the relative merits of your vulva, you could be compared just as accurately with the women keeping their swimsuits on.

smallorange · 06/05/2010 12:58

My German friend is really about our attitude to nakedness.

In Scandinavia business meetings are sometimes conducted in saunas.

Op perhaps he got a thrill out of it - so what.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/05/2010 13:02

I agree with SGB obviously.

but I do wonder why swimsuits are banned for hygiene reasons

How is it less hygienic to wear a swimsuit??

smallorange · 06/05/2010 13:07

I am English so the
idea of getting naked with friends
horrifies me.

I can just about be in a sauna with myself naked
(but what if someone came in )

hot tubs worse though. Full of germs and
swingers.

jenduff · 06/05/2010 13:18

I don't get the hygiene aspect either? Surely you wouldn't want to put your naked fanjo on a bench that has recently been vacated?

pinkcarnations · 06/05/2010 13:28

I agree with pearlym, especially if alcohol was involved. Would he be happy if you had done the same?

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 13:30

alcohol was involved, all were quite drunk. He wouldn't be happy if it was me.

OP posts:
smallorange · 06/05/2010 13:37

I think i would be
pissed off though, op.

Haliborange · 06/05/2010 13:44

In that case maybe I would think that the sauna was the excuse for a bunch of drunk adults to get naked and oggle each other's wobbly bits. In which case I would be stapling DH into his underpants henceforth.

Original poster
XboxWidow30 · 06/05/2010 14:12

Lol, I will get the staple gun ready then!!!

OP posts:
Gibbon · 06/05/2010 14:20

Dear God. It's nakedness in a sauna, not a depraved orgy.

Not like they were spreading their legs saying 'check out me growler'

Aussieng · 06/05/2010 14:33

LOL - this is the funniest thread in ages.

In defence of Brits - Americans are worse (is that a defence?). Some of them even get stressed about nipple peaks visible under clothing

I personally am too prudish to go naked but would not be bothered by other people doing so and certainly would not be annoyed at my DH just for staying. OP - is there a bit of latent resentfulness at having to stay "home" with the kids there?

BTW - last time I was at the spa at centre parks there were a couple of naked people wandering around and no-one batted an eyelid. I'd have DH certified if he suggested that I should have left immediately just because of that!

pearlym · 06/05/2010 16:39

Were the naked people of the same sex as you?i do understand what a poster siad above about it not being fair to let my hang ups about body dictate what husband does, had not really thought about it like that and you areright, it would prob be more about how i feel than whther i thought he would be unfaithful etc. BUT, saying that, still think it OK for you to feel annoyed with him, I know I would be, and I think most men would be unhappy were the roles reversed.

As to the comment that yuo cna pretty much see body in swimsuit have to disagree, bare bodies are completely different kettle of fish to bodies encased in lycra and mostly covered up!

pagwatch · 06/05/2010 16:51

But pearlym
sauna use is not daring and fun nakedness - that is skinny dipping or streaking.
Sauna use nakedness is like theraputic massage nakedness - just the way it is meant to be done.

Of course if you don't like it don't do it. But your notion that people in saunas are flirting and flashing is not that far removed from suggesting that beauticians giving bikini waxes just like looking at "growlers" (copyright Gibbon).

No wonder people are stresed about their Dhs in a sauna if they all think that it is like some 1970s soft porn scenario!

Tattyhead78 · 06/05/2010 16:54

Re hygiene you don't just plonk your butt down on the bench, you must put a towel down for that reason (same with feet if you are being particular) and you should really have a quick rinse down before going in anyway (easier to clean skin than swimming costume). Mixed naked is fine in some countries and not in others, I guess. I am a big fan of the sauna and just go with whatever is acceptable locally which means that I would wear a cossie in the UK, even though it's not so good for the skin / hygienic. I would go every day if I could, as it really keeps you healthy. However, consumption of alcohol before the sauna session is definitely not recommended - that's just daft!