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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be angry that my sister isnt breastfeeding

151 replies

jellytot92 · 30/04/2010 23:26

hi, im new on here. im having my first baby in november and im planning on breastfeeding. my sister just had a baby and she says she doesnt want to breastfeed. i just think thats soooo slefish. the leaflets my midwife gave me said its so much better for babys and i dont no why she doesnt want to. am i being unreasonable or is she just a selfish moo. she says she doesnt want saggy boobs.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 01/05/2010 00:22

you have years of making choices for your child just take things one step at a time, there is no need to panic, you will learn it's all fun from. one other point how do you know that your sis didnt try but baby didnt want to know. she is hardly going to shout from the rooftops i feel like a failure, believe me alot of women feel like that but shouldnt. it still comes back to preference. jellytot you need to forget about it and move forward.

Tiredmumno1 · 01/05/2010 00:23

from here - i meant

madcatsazz · 01/05/2010 00:30

one other thing Jelly - being a mother is, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I ever had to do - not because looking after a kid is difficult - but because justifying your choices, making the right ones, raising a 'good child' and all the other pressures are significant. You've got a big job ahead of you and I promise that having someone like your sister to talk to will be one of your most valuable assets. There will be nobody that does everything the same as you but you will learn (for your own sanity) that to not judge or be judged and to have an ear to bend is a mother's most treasured tool.

scaryteacher · 01/05/2010 00:30

This makes me cross. Your sister hasn't said she is not going to feed the baby, just that she is not going to breast feed.

It is none of your business - look out for your own baby and leave your sister alone.

ICouldHaveWrittenThis · 01/05/2010 00:30

for the first time ever - what thesecondcoming said

Bumbleconfusus · 01/05/2010 00:44

I kinda see where you're coming from OP... I suppose like others have said you just need to concentrate on your DC to be... you can watch your sister change stinky nappies and if you do manage to breastfeed, you can be pleased with the sweet smelling nappies the baby produces, every few days generally rather than every day. I know that sweat smell isn't lovely, but it least it doesn't smell like adult poop (ick, I fear weaning). Be pleased for your own DC that you won't need to keep them away from everything (my dogs regularly manage to have a good sniff or lick of DD) and I know she will generally be fine because of the immunity I'm passing to her. You will get to have a very different mothering experience than her, as its not just the baby who benefits, its the mother.
Incidentally I heard the cow argument the other day, and my response is I'm not a cow but I am a MAMMAL... mammal love

pigletmania · 01/05/2010 00:55

oh no not another bf debate type thread, fed up of em their all over the place.

BertieBotts · 01/05/2010 01:28

People aren't saying you are young and naive because you want to breastfeed - most young mums don't want to breastfeed. (I am a young mum and dislike all the stereotyping, but it's a fact based on figures, not a generalisation) - people are saying you are young and naive for ASSUMING that everyone "should" breastfeed or at least try, or that there are no "good" reasons not to want to breastfeed.

I am a breastfeeding peer supporter, and when I was first looking at the issues, deciding how to feed my baby etc, I did think similar - breastfeeding is free, more convenient, and better for the baby so why doesn't everyone do it? Now, I know a lot more - and I know that breast vs bottle is a personal choice thing, and yes, breastfeeding is better from a health point of view, but I don't think that anyone should feel forced to do something they don't want to do. Bottlefeeding from birth is a valid choice, as is breastfeeding for six months and then stopping, or mixed feeding, or extended breastfeeding to, say, six years. All perfectly fine and good choices. My role as a peer supporter isn't to persuade women to breastfeed, it is to support them to continue breastfeeding for as long as they want to.

It's easy to think "This is what I am going to do, and it makes so much sense that everyone should do it!" but just because something is right for you doesn't mean it's right for everyone else. We are fortunate in this country to have clean water and access to health services and information that makes it safe to bottlefeed, which means that mums who can't or don't want to breastfeed thankfully have a perfectly good second option.

Don't judge someone for a choice that they make just because it's different to what you would do. They might have reasons that you don't know about that they don't wish to share.

CheerfulYank · 01/05/2010 01:53

Well, Bertie just said everything I was going to say and said it better.

Your DS is gorgeous by the way Bertie

IveStillGotIt · 01/05/2010 01:55

jellytot92- I think its brilliant that you want to breastfeed, not alot of mums your age do, i was one of them, for the same reason as your sis, and i was embarrased at the thought of getting them out in public!
However, as im 10y older now, if i were to have another dc, i probebly would give bf ago.
However i do think its none of your business if your sis wants to ff, i got hassel from my mums next door neighbour and all the other mums on the ward, and this pissed me off, and did nothing to change my mind about ff, if anything it made me want to do it even more!

BertieBotts · 01/05/2010 01:58

Thank you CheerfulYank

crabb · 01/05/2010 02:02

Hmm, OP mentions "niece" early in the thread, then talks about her sister feeding "him"??

Tiredmumno1 · 01/05/2010 03:04

Well spotted crabb.

i was wondering if this made up, just to hype mnetter's tonight. i wonder????????????.................

scoutliam · 01/05/2010 03:53

Yabu but that's ok, your only twelve and haven't had time to grow the hair on your knuckles yet.
Next should be something about stay at home v working mums by the way

thesecondcoming · 01/05/2010 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gibbon · 01/05/2010 08:20

Didn't we have this thread some months ago? Or have all threads over the years blurred?

Poor quality trolling.

MrsMiamla · 01/05/2010 08:28

did anyone else notice that her 'niece' became a 'nephew' at midnight

BetsyLittleson · 01/05/2010 08:28

Yanbu. You have to stop her - her baby might explode if it has formula .

MrsMiamla · 01/05/2010 08:29

ooh, sorry crabb..i see you did!

CantSupinate · 01/05/2010 08:30

I would be sad if it were my niece too and I knew cast iron it was just plain laziness that meant the mother wouldn't even try -- but you are definitely going to have to let go of this one, OP! People make lots (and lots and lots) of less-than-perfect parenting choices.

Save your ire for the truly malicious or stupid things that happen to children .

PrettyVacant1 · 01/05/2010 08:35

We must not deprive feed the trolls.

Thread about a thread: AIBU to ask MNetters to feed me as it would enable me to BF my baby.

RubyBuckleberry · 01/05/2010 08:41

'i'm new here'

haha busted - niece to nephew!

BetsyLittleson · 01/05/2010 08:42

I thought when she said him she was referring to her own baby?

SirBoobAlot · 01/05/2010 08:59

Either: Trip trap trip trap...

Or: Yes, you are being very unreasonable. Its none of your business. If her reason is that she doesn't want saggy boobs, I think that's a shame, yes, and I can kinda see where you're coming from (though she's doing to get a hell of a shock as pregnancy isn't fantastic for that...).

As for "not feeding a dog" - well no, but it will feel like it in the first weeks! Do not presume you will be able to breastfeed, or presume it will not hurt and shred your nipples.

I am a few months older than you - I am 19 next month - and am breastfeeding my 6 month old. Now I am helping out at my old antenatal group and trying to help people to make the best choice for then when it comes to feeding their children. And yes, it frustrates me at times if people don't want to for reasons such as your sister, but in the end it is their choice, its not mine, and I would never dream of getting angry with them, like you have with your sister. If she has already had her baby then she will have had all the information available to her just as you have, and has made her choice.

Butt out, and focus on your own pregnancy and child-to-be.

montysma · 01/05/2010 09:00

Woah harsh much?! I think it is her business. She's not shouting it at her sister, she's asking a reasonable question on here.

Jellytot I think it is a shame she won't even try and yes I do think it is selfish.