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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep my kids off school tomorrow when they are not ill?

77 replies

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:21

sorry, I seem to be on a roll tonight with the AIBU threads

I have just had a letter home from school to say that they are closing the school tomorrow afternoon so that everyone can go and see Prince Edward open the new courts and the local army cadets will be there etc - the children will be met by a uniformed officer and walked up to town

We are passionate pacifists and I am really not happy about this (am a school governor and knew nothing about it)

I would LIKE to offer my kids the choice, and I think ds1 at least would probably choose not to go

several of our close friends' children are not going and friends will be writing letters to the school tonight - but they are friends who don't work, and dh and I are both working tomorrow afternoon! I can't ring my boss and say I won't be in because I am withdrawing my children from school on political grounds

I really really don't want them to go though

and at the very least I would like to let them choose (I would let them go if they wanted to)

my head hurts

and please, no outpourings of disgust at the fact that we are pacifists and don't want our children to attend on those grounds.

OP posts:

mumbar · 28/04/2010 18:25

You are giving your children the choice to make there own minds up how can that BU?? Well done. If you don't agree then it's your choice. I'm sure the school will have to keep them at school as the rules must be similar as those children who's parents don't want them to join any religeous celebration, assemblies etc?? It's a school trip if you don't give your permission then they can't go BUT the school must provide alternatives.

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 18:26

I think I would understand you argument a bit better if they were going to the official opening of an army base, or tank factory.

But it is an opening of (presumably) law courts?

If you are against the fact that Army cadets are used to make the roads safe to cross etc, I do think yabu. They will only be lads/girls in uniform. I know as pacifists you are against the whole idea of war and armed forces, but personally I think to protest against this is not really necessary.

I don't personally think you should be able to pick and choose things associated with the school that you don't believe in. I am a firm atheist, however I did not stop dd going on a visit to Exeter cathedral for instance.

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 18:29

Mind you on second thoughts who gives a flying fuck about your law courts and prince Edward. What a boring thing to do anyway.

Sp YABNU if you want to let them have the day off and go and sun yourself in the garden

cory · 28/04/2010 18:30

When something similar happened at ds' school I wrote to the school saying that they had to make separate arrangements for ds; I also complained about the fact that this (welcoming the troops back from Afghanistan) was the only outing where the letter from the school had not contained a box which you could tick if you did not wish your child to attend, though they always do that with things like trips to the synagogue. Not sure they quite got that point but they did keep him off. If the whole school had been shut I would have done what you will do.

The children would have been asked to wave flags and cheer to welcome our heroes; not only do I have doubts about this particular war, but ds is a committed pacifist (more so than me) and there is just no way he would have done that.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:32

I don't want them to be there goggling at Prince Bloody Edward as though there's something special about him either

I find the whole event completely anachronistic and inappropriate tbh

but I would let them go if they wanted to - if I wasn't working I could offer them the choice

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weegiemum · 28/04/2010 18:35

I'd be keeping them out cos of the Army connection (we are pacifists) and the Prince Edward connection (we are republican).

I have had multiple discussions with family over this - I don't feel like I need to "support" what my RAF-linked brother is doing in Afghanistan (though I email, write and send prezzies).

I'd be keeping mine off - and explaining why. It will go down as an "unauthorised absence" which doesn't look too good for the school either!

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 18:36

Yes agree with you about prince Edward.

They closed our whole school down when Princess Diana came to town to open the library. We were given flags and told to cheer .

Mind you they closed the school down as well when Anneka Rice came to do challenge Anneka on the youth centre as well so we could be filmed waving at her as she went through town in an open topped jeep.

Not much went on in devon

Marne · 28/04/2010 18:37

keep them home, it sounds boring anyway, i'm sure you can find something more exciting to do at home with them.

Clumsymum · 28/04/2010 18:37

Yes, I think YABU. This school trip is part of their education, and the fact that some army cadets will be in attendance, and usefully helping the school in escorting the children, should be seen as a positive thing. You have chosen to be pacifists, the Cadets have chosen a path that might lead them to defending their country in the future. I don't guess they'll spend the walk into town proclaiming the glories of war, for goodness sake !!

Agree with GetOrfMoiLand here, you shouldn't "cherry pick" the bits of education you do and don't want the school to provide

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 28/04/2010 18:40

cory I am not looking for an argument but are a little confused why you wouldn't want your child welcoming back soldiers. I get you are against war but the soldiers are just doing their job.

elliemental · 28/04/2010 18:41

it's hard one. One of my children would refuse to go regardless of my feelings (he is republican nd pacifist too) but my younger ds would be gutted not to see a 'spectacle' and do as everyone else does...
I don't think you're being unreasonable, I think I'd be letting my children choose too.

elastamum · 28/04/2010 18:42

i think its your choice, YANBU they are your children. when I was really struggling just after my H left us I sometimes didnt send the kids to school as I couldnt face getting everyone up in the morning. Now thats being unreasonable !!!

weegiemum · 28/04/2010 18:45

Was just talking to dh (he's working tonight).

He said you should volunteer as a helper and then go along with placards

"End This Insane War Now!!"

"Stop Sponging Off Us You Inbred Twats"

etc etc etc

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:45

have just talked to my kids about it in a neutral (it is your decision2 kind of way (and yes, they know we are pacifists/republicans, but ds2 in particular is more than capable of saying he wants to go anyway)

have just reread the letter after talking to my friend and in fact the opening is of an Air Cadet hut

I think it IS our prerogative to "cherry-pick" a little actually, they are still our children and I am very supportive of the school generally.

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:45

neither of them wants to go

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:46

I wouldn't have wanted mine at the welcome home thing either cory

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weegiemum · 28/04/2010 18:47

Mine would also be kept off for a "welcome home" type thing.

No-one else gets cheered in the streets for just doing their job!

AntoinetteOuradi · 28/04/2010 18:48

Cripes. In the face of an extra day off school, I'd abandon all principles and send them regardless.

Mine have 21 weeks off per year. After having them both at home until they were five, that's quite enough for me without adding days for principles.

That aside, it's your and your children's choice.

scurryfunge · 28/04/2010 18:48

Will the friends who are not working that day assist with child care if yours are not going

Marjoriew · 28/04/2010 18:52

I think you are being unreasonable, actually. You object to your children being accompanied by members of the military and you are a pacifist. But you would be quite happy for my son who is a soldier, having served both in Iraq and Afghanistan to accompany your children to safety and defend you and yours.

GetOrfMoiLand · 28/04/2010 18:53

There is no point in having a load of children troop along to watch the opening of an air cadet hut. So I review what I said earlier and say keep then off, especially as they don't want to go.

The only people who would be interested in the opening of a cadet hut are the cadets (and I say that as a mother of a daughter who goes to air cadets).

And I take it back, actually you are right to keep them from things you don't agree with. I have done so myself - I kept dd off from a boat trip because I knew she would be sick, a stupid trip to a petting zoo because I knew the place was run badly. So yes sometimes parental views trump that of the scdhool.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 28/04/2010 18:58

weegiemum! It isn't just any old job though is it.

cory · 28/04/2010 19:00

FabIsGoingToGetFit Wed 28-Apr-10 18:40:30
"cory I am not looking for an argument but are a little confused why you wouldn't want your child welcoming back soldiers. I get you are against war but the soldiers are just doing their job."

Fab, I have absolutely nothing against the soldiers as people and would support any measure to give them adequate health care, support, counselling, pensions etc etc. But the fact that they are just doing a job does not mean that I have to approve of every job of the kind that they do, nor does my ds.

If you send small children out waving a flag to welcome the heroes home, then it is very hard not to give them the idea that the war they have just returned is a Good Thing. And there are controversial aspects abut both this and the Iraqi war and concerns about human rights abuse perpetrated by soldiers have been raised. The wars have not had the wholehearted support of the international community and I don't want some headteacher to tell my son that they are something he has to cheer about.

I might add that I don't make him go on demonstrations and shout about it either; I simply don't think someone that young should be made by an adult to express any attitude on such a serious subject. He should be allowed to make his own mind up when he is old enough.

Dd was made to sing and wave a flag during a function relating to the Iraqi war. I marched against that war. If I did not inflict my views on dd, then the school doesn't have to do it either.

I do not have to take a caring attitude towards soldiers so far that I approve of every war that goes on.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 19:00

I don'[t accept for one moment that the soldiers serving in Afghanistan and Iraq are "defending their country" or in any way safeguarding my children

and if you mean that they are escorting the children to and from the hut - well, the teachers could do that perfectly adequately

it's all for show, and I disapprove of it

OP posts:

Original poster

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 19:02

and I'm not happy for my children to be used as fodder in some horseshit PR exercise for the armed forces and the royal family

it's crude propaganda - lovely 1940s style photographs of happy smiling children waving flags

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