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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep my kids off school tomorrow when they are not ill?

77 replies

Greensleeves · 28/04/2010 18:21

sorry, I seem to be on a roll tonight with the AIBU threads

I have just had a letter home from school to say that they are closing the school tomorrow afternoon so that everyone can go and see Prince Edward open the new courts and the local army cadets will be there etc - the children will be met by a uniformed officer and walked up to town

We are passionate pacifists and I am really not happy about this (am a school governor and knew nothing about it)

I would LIKE to offer my kids the choice, and I think ds1 at least would probably choose not to go

several of our close friends' children are not going and friends will be writing letters to the school tonight - but they are friends who don't work, and dh and I are both working tomorrow afternoon! I can't ring my boss and say I won't be in because I am withdrawing my children from school on political grounds

I really really don't want them to go though

and at the very least I would like to let them choose (I would let them go if they wanted to)

my head hurts

and please, no outpourings of disgust at the fact that we are pacifists and don't want our children to attend on those grounds.

OP posts:

weegiemum · 28/04/2010 19:40

tbh fab I'd be surprised if many of them had thought that aspect of it through.

"I think I'll join up because any war we are asked to fight will be a just war supported by the nation"

Not something most young people think through, IME.

cory · 28/04/2010 19:40

I think we will, Fab.

Anyway, what I would never do, or allow my children to do, is what some people did and demonstrate at the returning soldiers. Absolutely wrong and to my mind more than a little disgusting. The time to demonstrate was outside Whitehall. Which I did.

With the returning soldiers, I think the decent thing to do if you do not feel able to cheer is to stay away. Which is what ds did and what I would have done.

As for Prince Edward- well, don't feel very strongly about him- but I suppose that might still be the thing to do.

ImNotBossyBoots · 28/04/2010 20:03

I was an Army Cadet and Army Cadet Instructor for years. I don't have any strong opinions either way regarding war, just or not. What i will say though is as a child i had low self esteem and lived in a rough area and the Army Cadets did go a long way to helping me sort that out. There wasn't any pushing to join the Army IME, just a sense of team and belonging which did me the world of good.

I would say a new Air Cadet hut isn't that important in the grand scheme of things, however that hut may make a big diference to just one child trying to find somewhere they belong and are accepted.

weegiemum · 28/04/2010 20:06

It works all ways though, doesn't it.

One of the reasons dh is such an ardent pacifist now is because he was an army cadet and was pushed and pushed and pushed to go for an army scholarship for university and to do officer training etc etc etc.

His Dad is about to retire from the TA finally at age 65 and he has never quite given up trying to get dh to join up, even though he just turned 40!

Pozzled · 28/04/2010 20:34

I can understand why you wouldn't want them to attend, and think it should be your/their decision depending on their age.

I am utterly shocked that the school can give you such late notice of this, and I can't help but think that they would have to make alternative arrangements if you didn't want your children to take part. I don't think they can argue that it is in any way educational, and anyway you have to give permission for trips off of school grounds.

I would phone the school first thing tomorrow morning, explain that I didn't want the DC to attend, and ask what alternative arrangements they will be providing.

MrsCrafty · 28/04/2010 20:56

Whooooaaaaaaa.

Just think for a minute. I know you don't agree with the current war. (I don't either).

HOWEVER, if France or Germany suddenly felt it OK to attack this country, those lads/men/etc would be fighting a war that you might possibly agree with.

If you live in the United Kingdom as it stands, then it is your civil duty to pay respect to the people who are fighting the war, whether you think it's right or not.

If you don't, then move.

weegiemum · 28/04/2010 20:58

No, not true, IMO

I do not agree with "My country, right or wrong".

Its my country, adn if I think its wrong, I'll say so.

Hulababy · 28/04/2010 21:05

From OP though it is not the opening of a cadet hut. It is the opening of law courts.

weegiemum · 28/04/2010 21:06

Well why would the forces need to be there for the opening of Law Courts?

Don't they have their own (slightly less than transparent) legal system?

MissM · 28/04/2010 21:11

No. YANBU.

Original poster

Greensleeves · 29/04/2010 10:21

DH spoke to school this morning and was told (by shocked teacher) that we will have to pick them up at 1.50 tomorrow if we don't want them to go

surely this is wrong? Isn't the school obliged to keep them until hometime? There was no permission slip for this trip and we were given virtually no notice!

OP posts:

Pronoia · 29/04/2010 12:42

The thing is, Greensleeves, they can. It's an education facility, not childcare, and you have chosen for your son not to participate in their particular brand of education.

you can try arguing the toss with them if you like, but you're unlikely to get anywhere. the best you may manage is for your son to be dragged along anyway, and made to stand with his back to the proceedings so he doesn't see anything that might upset you.

YesYouMust · 29/04/2010 12:54

They would have to demonstrate why exactly this trip is educational before i let them away with that, the school has a duty to educate they are not allowed to pick and choose when they do that!

Pronia, unless the school is private one, they can't choose their own brand of education, it has to fit into a curiculum and i'm not sure how they can say this outing does tbh.

As for

'If you live in the United Kingdom as it stands, then it is your civil duty to pay respect to the people who are fighting the war, whether you think it's right or not.

If you don't, then move'

Biggest pile of shit i've read on here for ages and that is saying something!

YesYouMust · 29/04/2010 12:56

Hula - posted by the OP further down

'have just reread the letter after talking to my friend and in fact the opening is of an Air Cadet hut '

Fennel · 29/04/2010 12:57

I'm sort of hoping that the dss have been forced to attend and made loud and embarrassing anti-monarchy and anti-military comments.

The school may yet regret taking them.

piratecat · 29/04/2010 13:00

i wouldn't send my child on something i didn't feel happy with. end of.

people keep their kids off for worse or less honest reasons all the time.

I'd prob go to the library.

Fennel · 29/04/2010 13:06

I think they're both working though, so can't just go and fetch them.

what did you do Greeny?

Donki · 29/04/2010 13:08

"My country, right or wrong"
Quite agree
When right, to be kept right,
When wrong, to be put right....

I wouldn't send my DS either

tinkletinklelittlestar · 29/04/2010 13:11

Boo hoo. Trendy wendies don't like war - what a surprise. War goes on whether or not UK forces are involved. Some people do not have much of a choice about going into forces. Do people think our forces sit around with their thumbs up their arses until a war happens? Our forces are spread thinly throughout the world engaged in various conflicts/peacekeeping duties that we do not hear about because they are not as newsworthy as Iraq/Afghanistan.

Would you rather the lads and lasses that serve our country had gotten into petty crime and then prison (which probably costs more than training them) or even on the dole? Not everyone finishes their education or gets to go to uni.

Meanwhile, back to the subject. YABU - not to send kids to school trip. A few hours is nothing and they probably won't remember that much about it . Even though you say you are giving them a choice, they already know yours and will go along with that to please you surely? I don't remember getting a choice about trips when I was at primary school.

Fennel · 29/04/2010 13:13

at least it's a cheaper school trip than bloody Cadbury World (a 3 hour coach trip). and probably more educational too in the end. You can have interesting discussions about it after. Which you can't really about chocolate (dd2s project for the whole of last term - yes we did cover the science and fair trade issues, but really, the monarchy and the armed forces are much jucier topics).

ScreaminEagle · 29/04/2010 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EmbarrassedNonTroll · 29/04/2010 13:18

they're always lads and lasses aren't they? could it be that this is because the army can start training them to kill whilst they are still children? (15.9 years old, to be precise)

MissM · 29/04/2010 13:20

Erm, why would France or Germany attack this country exactly?

This parade is 'showing appreciation'. Now, I think the soldiers in Afghanistan are having a horrible time of it and I feel for them, but it is their job. I'd love to see a parade showing appreciation for teachers, doctors, nurses, even the dad of a work colleague who has just sorted out my buildings insurance on a house that has flooded.

I am absolutely with Greensleeves and weegie on this. I'd also feel very uncomfortable if a party leader visited my child's school for a photo opportunity, and that goes for every party, not just the ones I don't support.

Tinuviel · 29/04/2010 13:28

So to throw a similar situation into the equation. A family is a committed group of vegetarians and the school organises a trip to an abattoir or a butcher's. They give no educational reason for this, no permission slip and inform the family that if they don't want their children to go, the parents will have to pick them up.

Does that sound reasonable?

YANBU. The school should justify the educational value and if they can't, provide alternative provision for your children.

Gay40 · 29/04/2010 13:32

I would have no hesitation about yanking my DD out of school if she was embarking on something that clashed with my principles or hers.
Not that the school ever tell us what they are doing anyway.

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