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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want people to wear shoes over my lovely oak floor

278 replies

Carameli · 28/04/2010 13:56

we have since we moved been doing some major renovations to our house. It is now at an end and as we put really nice oak flooring in the living room and dining room we decided to have a no shoes rule in the house. Lots of my friends do this and it works fine.
I also lived in Finland for a few years where it is the norm and expected that you take off your shoes when you go into someone's house.
My stumbling block is my mum and dad who refuse to and have said they will sit in the kitchen rather than take off their shoes.
I love my parents dearly and but feel so upset over this. Have just had an email from my mum saying she does not know when my father will want to visit us again. What am I meant to say. My worry is he comes in with a stone on his shoe and we end up with a big scratch on the wood or I am not ale to invite them over for dinner etc etc(thinking ahead to Christmas etc etc birthdays)

arrrgggg. feel so frustrated.

OP posts:
Granny23 · 29/04/2010 01:35

MDS
5) They are afraid of stepping on something sharp on the floor
6) They are afraid they might step in something wet on the floor
7) They are afraid they might slip on the floor
8) They need to wear special shoes/inserts to keep their insteps up
9) They have verrucas, bunions, whatever
10) They have really horrible or disfigured feet
11) They have 'lifts' built in because they are short or one leg is shorter than t'other.

''we would be born with shoes built in' yeah just like we are born with hearing aids or glasses. Some people need their shoes and will not thank you for the embarassment of being asked to remove them.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/04/2010 04:05

I need to hear from the Aussies on this one, does anyone here do shoes-off? Because I like to wander around without shoes on (if it's not a party, and frankly even then sometimes) but I always feel like it's rude to take my shoes off and wander around in stocking feet. I sometimes do it, and mutter an apology about my feet hurting after work. But it seems like taking liberties to me, unless it's my Mum's place, like making myself a cuppa without asking.

I do think, though, OP, that if you have a one year old who will soon be walking, your parents' shoes will soon be the least of your nice floor's problems. My 17 month old's current favourite hobby is banging things on the floor (pots, etc) and throwing things on the floor (balls, food, rocks). Perhaps you should allow your parents to walk on the floor just to ease yourself into the fact that the floors will not be pristine for long.

thumbwitch · 29/04/2010 04:24

tortoise, we were at a friend of MIL's house the other day (ANZAC day to be precise) and their house is always a "shoes off please" house. I don't know whether or not she would have insisted if I hadn't asked, but I asked (as always) and we all took our shoes off when she said "yes please".

Most houses I have visited here are polished floorboards; so far I haven't had to take my shoes off that often. We mostly go barefoot here too but I am ambivalent about shoes on or off. I don't bring the pushchair in the house though - although MIL seems to think that is perfectly ok , despite it having been to the Easter Show and through the cow sheds etc...

Conversely at my Dad's (carpeted) house, he won't allow us to go barefoot at all - slippers or shoes (he just about tolerates socked feet) at all times.

coralanne · 29/04/2010 06:20

This is a hard one. My DN also renovated their home and there was a please remove your shoes sign at the door.

This was after trashing her mother's home for 25 years.

One of my sisters will not go to any function she has because she feels she is being belittled.

I have highly polished boards with rugs on them and really, the only shoes I would object to are football boots and stilletoes.

If someone turned up at your door with muddy wet shoes on, surely their common sense would tell them to take them off regardless of what condition your floor is in or what covering it has.

gorionine · 29/04/2010 06:31

Sorry, coming a bit late to this thread but

""It's a floor. It's for walking on.""

made me smile, surely OP does not expect people to float in inch over the floor

I do not have a nice expensive flooring but I ask people to take their shoes of in my house and I take my shoes off when I go to someone elses house.

cyb · 29/04/2010 07:03

FWIW my in laws never take their shoes off, as soon as they wash and dress they put their shoes on upstairs and wear them all day till they go to bed again.

I hate taking my shoes off, hate my feet

We ahve a posh oak floor too...if you have a half decent door mat (one of those washable ones) on the way into the house you shuldnt have a problem with stones stuck in peoples shoes

sarah293 · 29/04/2010 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 29/04/2010 08:03

We take shoes off indoors since we got oak flooring and new carpets. If you have decent floor covering unless you love cleaning and spending money I don't see why anyone would want to wear shoes indoors.
Luckily all relatives on both sides are shoes off indoors people as well.
I'd wonder at my parents sanity if they chose not to visit me rather than take their shoes off. Seems very selfish.
The shoes off thing is quite a recent phenomena. We kept them on when I was a child and I think people expected doormats to work miracles years ago, and maybe didn't buy such expensive floorcoverings.

2rebecca · 29/04/2010 08:19

We don't ask casual visitors to remove shoes though, and I don't think I've ever asked a relative, they just remove them automatically. Most people when they see shoes near the entrance and that you aren't wearing any automatically remove theirs. It's just politeness. Yes it's a floor for walking on, but that's what we have feet for. Shoes are for wearing outside.

piscesmoon · 29/04/2010 08:25

It is a good point with children on the floor. Surely banging toys on it etc is more damaging-or are they banned?
It reminds me of 'Keeping up Appearances' programme where Liz is terrified of having a cup of coffee in the 'hand painted' china in the pristine kitchen-I would far rather guests could relax and enjoy my company! It send a starange message if the looks of the floor are more important than friends!

2rebecca · 29/04/2010 08:33

We only have oak flooring in 1 area of the house and had it fitted when the kids were past the banging toys stage. Recently had my toddler nephews staying though and although the room was played in and they played with assorted plastic toys there was no "banging" as such. Don't recall my kids banging the floor repeatedly with anything hard enough to dent it, if they had the banging item would have been replaced with something softer or we'd have gone into a carpeted room. Oak is fairly robust against minor bangs. I just hate housework and have no desire to spend more time cleaning than I have to. At the moment a quick vacuum over the oak floor occasionally suffices. If outdoor shoes were worn I'd have to mop it as well, and then repolish it if water and cleaning agents gradually eroding varnish. It all seems an unnecessary hassle.
Many cultures remove shoes inside.

mowcop · 29/04/2010 08:34

Also late to this discussion, but regardless of whether the room is carpeted or wooden floor I personally think shoes in the house are a no no. Mainly because you just don't know what's on the bottom of them and we play/sit/lie on the floor a lot. Not nice when someone has walked all over it in dirty shoes.

fifitot · 29/04/2010 08:35

I prefer people to remove shoes and many ask but don't insist. However when you think about the amount of crap people tread in on their shoes then it makes sense to remove them.

My mate is Japanese and was horrified people leave their shoes on in the house - so clearly a cultural thing as well. She provides little slipper things from Muji for any guests which seems to work well.

TBH - it's only one room in our house which is a problem where the carpet is light. We have cheap laminate flooring elsewhere as we are too skint for posh wood unf.

Don't think YABU. can't understand why they are getting so upset about it!

CoteDAzur · 29/04/2010 08:36

No shoes in our house. With two DC rolling on the floor, dog poo or whatever else sticks to shoes is not welcome here.

YANBU. Your parents are strange.

tryingtoleave · 29/04/2010 08:41

I'm an aussie, tortoise, and the only homes I've come across shoes off in have been Asian or my dh (who is Russian). I guess it's just a cultural thing and if that's what you do than I understand it must seem dirty not to. But I find it really weird and used to hang back mortified as dh (when he was still boyfriend) used to harrass people to take off their shoes as they came into his (rather filthy) apartment. I put an end to that once we bought a house together. His parents are always making comments about how filthy my floors are but have at least given up giving me slippers. I hate wearing slippers during the day - seems very lazy. And for all those who say taking off your shoes is healthier, can I just say that my in laws all have disgusting, diseased feet and I have to avert my eyes from their disintegrating toenails poking out from their flip flops.

Also, I'd rather have a bit of dirt on the floor than a pile of festering shoes by the door - nothing more unattractive to my mind. ANd people look stupid in socks or slippers. If you must take your shoes off why can't you have a decent pair of shoes just for wearing indoors? Even barefoot is better.

Hullygully · 29/04/2010 08:48

Stilts.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/04/2010 08:48

Oh, phew, tryingtoleave, I've been feeling as if it were just me.

I'd not mind the custom, but I think if I shrugged the shoes on my way into most Aussie homes they'd look at me like make yourself at home, why don't you?

2rebecca · 29/04/2010 08:49

I don't think people look stupid in slippers or socks, although if I had bare feet under sandals then exposing bare feet might be a bit uncomfortable in someone's house, so can imagine if living somewhere hot people might be less inclined to remove sandals. In Scotland that's not much of a problem. I love taking my shoes off, and as I'm often sitting on the floor in the house would find indoor shoes uncomfortable.

sarah293 · 29/04/2010 09:11

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Message withdrawn

Hullygully · 29/04/2010 09:20

Chop their feet off

diddl · 29/04/2010 09:28

""It's a floor. It's for walking on.""

Yes-and they may walk on it-just not in shoes.

Actually,this is the sort of stupid thing my ILs would try to pull as a power thing

PatsyStone · 29/04/2010 09:32

Tryingtoleave How does wearing slippers/socks make you lazy? Or stupid? What a ridiculous thing to say. We don't have a festering pile of shoes by the door either.

Diddl Exactly what I thought when I saw that comment.

diddl · 29/04/2010 09:37

Well I´m barefoot at the moment so I can´t begin to think what that makes me

PatsyStone · 29/04/2010 09:44

Diddl you slut

Maybe that's why I am not getting my essay done because I have my stupid slippers on. I will blame the slippers.

sunshiney · 29/04/2010 09:45

I think your parents are being a bit awkward.

You've spent a lot on your floor, would it kill them to take their shoes off until the novelty of your new floors wears off?

I haven't read this whole thread but I'm amused it's reached 200 posts on what seems to me an open and shut case of YANBU

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