to not want people to wear shoes over my lovely oak floor

[Carameli]

we have since we moved been doing some major renovations to our house. It is now at an end and as we put really nice oak flooring in the living room and dining room we decided to have a no shoes rule in the house. Lots of my friends do this and it works fine.
I also lived in Finland for a few years where it is the norm and expected that you take off your shoes when you go into someone's house.
My stumbling block is my mum and dad who refuse to and have said they will sit in the kitchen rather than take off their shoes.
I love my parents dearly and but feel so upset over this. Have just had an email from my mum saying she does not know when my father will want to visit us again. What am I meant to say. My worry is he comes in with a stone on his shoe and we end up with a big scratch on the wood or I am not ale to invite them over for dinner etc etc(thinking ahead to Christmas etc etc birthdays)

arrrgggg. feel so frustrated.

I thought that Hyacinth Bucket was a joke woman-way OT with housework-I didn't realise that she is actually the norm!!!

wow I cannot believe how far this has gone. I have been out of laptop contact since the other day, trying to read through the many messages.
Lots have said about overshoes or slippers(I bought some lovely slippers but think that made things worse somehow)
Parents never been like this before so a bit of a shock really.
To those who feel I am BU you are welcome to your opinion but I feel we have worked long and hard to get our home as we want it and feel that keeping the living room floor without scratches is quite fair I think.
Our three children are of course allowed in there but we have called it a chill out room where we relax and watch tv/listen to music. Toys are in the family/play room.. They are fine with that. Family room has oak laminate that can take much bashing
I also love having a laving room to be able to chill in with my family and not have to worry about picking up countless toys.

I don't understand why some people find taking your shoes off when you come into a house so difficult. Have they seen the streets they walk down? and imagine all that muck being trailed into a home with young children and babies crawling around the floor. I always have guest slippers and the GPs keep a pair of their own slippers here so I suggest your parents do the same.

We always take our shoes off at home and when we go to someone else's house. Most people do when they visit us apart from my MIL and PIL who never do. I don't make a huge deal of it, I have about three door mats before they even get to the living room (we also have oak floors) and I would never, ever make someone I'd invited to my home feel uncomfortable especially family members, and a floor would never be more important to me than my relationship with my own parents. Either way OP I hope you get it sorted one way or the other.

I don't understand the logic of all the posters who say 'but that's what they do in Japan/Singapore/Scandinavia'. Quite correctly you wouldn't dream of leaving your shoes on there, as it would be deemed rude. From what many posters have said on here however, many people here find it rude to be asked to remove their shoes. Are our cultural norms not as important as theirs?

Perhaps mrs cusack but what are our cultural norms on this? Used to be a cultural norm to have a carpet in your loo as well and shoes on is just skanky. Now I have lived in a country where shoes off is the culture, It just makes so much sense and leaves me feeling icky at the shoes on culture here. I love few occasions when I've caugh a whiff of dog poo from the carpet and had to track it down and scub.

carpets in loos are more of a fashion thing rather than cultural, and while you might not like them, they are unlikely to cause offence. I take my shoes off in my own house but wouldn't ask guests to as it might make them uncomfortable - but that's just basic manners.

Perhaps the answer is to have a 'best room' and give people the choice. They can take their shoes off and sit in the best room, admiring the floor or they can go in the family room and relax in their shoes. I know which I would prefer-a house that is a home where people come before floors.

piscesmoon - you have the answer!!

I don't like being asked to remove my shoes, it feels unwelcoming and prescriptive. And I'd rather other people's socks/feet had shoes on them.

YANBU. Just because the floor is made to be walked on, doesn't mean it has to be trashed (books are meant to be read, but one doesn't have to bend the pages down, tear the cover and break the spine to do so).

Shoes inside, urggh, grim. OTH, I don't much love the idea of someone's foot skank on my carpet either.

My Dad used to make very pointed and snide gestures (exaggaratedly removing shoes and reminding my mother to do the same, loudly) I stuck to my guns and he's settled down.

I don't like having a dirt track from front door to kitchen, I don't like the idea of people's dog-shitty shoes stinking up the carpet where my kids roll around, I don't like the carpet ending up with a patina of street filth.

If I'm visiting someone else, I look to see whether they take their outdoor shoes off. If their particular shoe policy is not clear, I ASK them whether they would prefer me to remove my shoes and hope they give me an honest answer.

my DH laughed his head off when I told him about this thread & the outraged people who hate being asked to remove their shoes.

Yes, we take our shoes off, yes, we wear slippers. Yes I am quite lazy, but I do prepare meals 3 times a day AND bake my own bread, so not doing too bad.

Why on earth would you want someone to traipse dirt through your house ?

OP, not you are NBU & I think your dad is BVU. It's a battle of wills, let him sit in the kitchen.

Perhaps you could just treat your father's intransigence with a slightly amused detachment?

For example, reply to your mother's e-mail by saying, 'Ok, just let me know when he decides he would like to visit again.' Perhaps the next time he does come round and they just sit in the kitchen, leave them in there - alone.

I think my father just did not like me making up my own rules rather than sticking to the ones we were brought up with. I agree with Lovingthesun - it's a battle of wills. Stick it out, your Dad's behaving like a toddler to refuse to come round.

Perhaps the OP could buy some cheap rugs and runners. Then she could put these down over the oak floors when her parents come to visit.

What do the shoes off people do when they visit a house where dogs live? We have 2 dogs and a coal fire. I can't imagine people wanting to walk around barefoot in our house. Or do they bring slippers with them?

Don't people have mops or hoovers?

I don't know what you do with all the shoes. If I have a meeting at my house with a dozen people I struggle to deal with the coats, I really can't think where I would put all the shoes and I hate the thought of them all sitting around barefoot.

Who are all these people with dog shit and all sorts over their shoes? Don't people have door mats?

I know the op was concerned about the appearance of her floor, and really what's wrong with respecting and looking after her house for starters, but as a lot of us have digressed onto the hygeine aspect, I googled, and I can't see anything that says wearing shoes indoors is a good thing, but, if you can be bothered (clearly I am using any diversion tactic to not do my poxy essay )

diseases-viruses.suite101.com/article.cfm/sole_survivors_germs_and_shoes

www.treehugger.com/files/2007/10/ask_treehugger_23.php

findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0NAH/is_10_37/ai_n27409845/

Ugh. I bet most of you shoes on brigade wouldn't put your handbags on the floor in a public toilet, but you're happy to walk on it then walk all over your floors

I have 3 boys and two dogs and live in the country where even on the driveway and doorstep it can get a bit muddy in winter. We have all hard floors downstairs and carpets upstairs so we have a no shoe rule upstairs only. I find it ridiculously awkward and time consuming to keep taking shoes on and off all day long every time someone goes in or out of the garden (which happens alot in our house) so we don't bother. I just accept that I need to mop alot! I also do not think it's fair to have friends over for dinner, or a drinks party, and ask everyone to take their shoes off, and pad round on hard floors in their stockinged feet! A bit undignified if they've dressed up nicely! I would feel very uncomfortable if someone asked me to do that.

Culturally it's not really something we need to do here, is it? It's just seen as a bit uptight and (sorry to say it but..) a lower middle class obsession with appearances.

Possibly in Finland it's due to adverse weather meaning people's shoes are always snow or mud encrusted, perhaps? And in Islamic countries it may be a legacy from times when, historically sanitation outdoors was poor and because of the extreme heat disease was rife? We don't have those issues here and tbh my friends who are very precious about their floors and carpets are also the friends who rarely entertain because they can't do 'fuss and bother' and their children are never allowed paints or playdoh, or to have more than 4 lego bricks out at a time because of the mess. Yet they can have SKY telly in their bedrooms from aged 6 Keeps'em from messing up the house, see?

As someone else pointed out, floors are for walking on! If you are worried about scratches and dents you should have concreted it! It's a home, not a museum. Lighten up, enjoy life.

What a lot of unnecessary and nasty judging in one post.

Oh ya, we are SO lower middle class

As well as wearing slippers, I too make several trips into the garden, guess what, I take my slippers off & climb into my (hunter) wellies & tend to my chickens & wander around my land. Then I remove poo encrusted boots, slip those slippers back on. Takes seconds. In fact, may I suggest that rather than slipper wearers being lazy, it's the people that leave their shoes on all day that are lazy.

BTW I do have a hoover, we do have friends over & the very notion of our house being pristine becase we ask guest to remove their shoes, makes me laugh even harder.

So there.

I like the 'best' room idea.

I thought the whole point of having wood floors was that they are easier to clean, hard wearing and look better with age, so you don't have to worry about people taking shoes off or muddy paw prints. That's the whole reason I really want to rip the carpet ip and extend the wood there is in the kitchen to rest of downstairs.

Just wanted to sympathise with the OP. My parents are visiting today and as usual have insisted on wearing their shoes round the house (despite the wet and muddy weather outside), which I wouldn't mind too much except for the fact that when we go to their house my mum barks 'take your shoes off' before we've set foot through the front door

DaisymooSteiner-that´s terrible!