to not want people to wear shoes over my lovely oak floor

[Carameli]

we have since we moved been doing some major renovations to our house. It is now at an end and as we put really nice oak flooring in the living room and dining room we decided to have a no shoes rule in the house. Lots of my friends do this and it works fine.
I also lived in Finland for a few years where it is the norm and expected that you take off your shoes when you go into someone's house.
My stumbling block is my mum and dad who refuse to and have said they will sit in the kitchen rather than take off their shoes.
I love my parents dearly and but feel so upset over this. Have just had an email from my mum saying she does not know when my father will want to visit us again. What am I meant to say. My worry is he comes in with a stone on his shoe and we end up with a big scratch on the wood or I am not ale to invite them over for dinner etc etc(thinking ahead to Christmas etc etc birthdays)

arrrgggg. feel so frustrated.

You are talking about parents who would rather not visit their children than take off their shoes to avoid damage to new flooring to their child's home though. This isn't the sort of parent I'm familiar with thankfully. I can't imagine refusing to visit my kids over something so trivial, and if I did I'd deserve it if they decided they'd rather not see me if I was so stubborn. It is your house your rules and the parents are playing power games.

lived in Singapore for a few and years and EVERYONE leaves their shoes at the front door. In fact, the locals would be greatly offended if someone walked into their home with shoes, and you would be viewed as really rude. Every expat or non Singaporean I met was happy to adopt this custom as it was more hygenic and makes complete sense when you think of it. Now we are back home we still take our shoes off as we enter but because of dirt etc, not to protect my wooden floors.

Sorry but shoes on an oak floor? No way! I can't see how anyone can have a problem with removing them - not like they're surgically attached to ones feet! If your parents want to sit in the kitchen then let them. You're not asking much in wanting people to remove shoes at all. With you all the way! Could you not say you love them dearly but could they please bring slippers? I don't get why they would find that so hard to do???
Best of luck with this. I would hate someone to trash my wood floor.

trust me,anyone would rather have scratches on their floor than smell MY feet in the summer.

FFS the floors are made out of wood, not crystal! I have oak floors, just had a load of people round who wore their shoes because we were sitting in the garden, it started raining, we came in. Was a lovely relaxed evening. Which it wouldn't have been if I'd insisted they de-shoe the moment they walked in.

But I've got the kind that are designed for kids and dogs, not the ones that are only meant for bedroom use

I had foot surgery years ago and one didn't come out well at all. Eventually I will have it redone but in the meantime I am really embarrassed to be seen without shoes on. And, tbh, I actually walk better now with shoes on b/c of the way my foot has to be supported. So, it's a cringeworthy moment to say the least when I am presented with this issue.

I did not realised how so many people were uncomfortable with their feet. I can fairly say I NEVER pay attention to my guests feet!

I always look at people's feet so I can entirely see why they would be uncomfortable.
I still can't get my head around why a floor is more important than friendship! I don't think I would want to visit someone if I was going to be on edge about the floor the whole time.

Well, it seems that the shoes-off shoes-on debate is fairly evenly split.

But to the OP, I would say that it sounds as though there is more going on here than just shoes (unless they genuinely have some sort of medical foot thing to which they feel you are being insensitive).

Do you find your parents difficult to deal with in other areas of your life? Because it sounds like a power struggle, blackmailing and all.

I don't agree with your shoe stance because I am a shoe-oner, but your parents are the ones BU.

Am still curious to know what OPs parents do in their own house(re shoes, obviously)

My dad and stepmother insist on no shoes in their house - I dont care about no shoes but they keep "guest" slippers which they say you must wear which I hate as I keep imagining other random peoples sweaty feet in them. I think they would be insulted if I brought my own. Lucky we dont go there very often.

The essential nature of floors, it that people stand on them.
In time someone will spill wine on them, be sick and pass out on them, a puppy will wee on them and kids will do what kids do.

Oak is one of the hardest wearing and durable woods on Earth. This is why medieval houses made of oak survive today, even though many people walked around there with shoes on.

You can buy these things called "door mats" where people can wipe their feet, prior to standing on your floor.

Would you follow guests round tut tutting if they touched something in your house?
How unwelcome everyone will feel, to know they are tolerated only as long as they do not descerate the floor.

For me the issue is more that OP has made a simple request of her parents & they won´t comply.

Whilst the rest of the populace contemplate weighty matters political, the shoeson/shoesoff debate rages on unchecked on Mumsnet.

Which is best? only one way to decide ..... FIGHT!

(I have a sneaky feeling that the Shoeson Brigade will have a slight advantage)

I thought one of the points of hard wood/tile etc flooring was that it was easy to clean, unlike carpet, and thus shoes can be kept on.

In fact this whole thing me, it's like writing thank you letters. For some people it is just the norm and the height of rudeness to ignore the "rule", while a perfectly merry bunch of other people have never even heard of this "rule" and are thus going around unintentionally upsetting people.

BTW teh OP said that her parents said they would still come but that they would sit in the kitchen, can't see anything wrong with that.

Also - no-one used to take their shoes off - when did this happen? When everyone switched their central heating up to max to burn the planet? If you took your shoes off in a house in winter 50 years ago you'd have ended up with frostbite.

'For me the issue is more that OP has made a simple request of her parents & they won´t comply. '

It is only a simple request if you want to take your shoes off and think that the floor comes first! The compromise is that OP gets some plastic overshoes. Her parents keep their shoes on, they don't have to wear some horrible sweaty slippers that someone else has worn, and the floor stays unscuffed-simple!
If everyone who is obsessed by the state of the floor bought cheap plastic throw away overshoes (like swimming pool ones)there wouldn't be a problem.
It seems the best solution as half of us think it extremely rude to ask someone to take their shoes off and half of you think it is extremely rude not to offer to take them off.

Yes overshoes were mentioned a while back.

Win win-parents don´t lose face by actually taking shoes off, Op doesn´t have to worry about her floor.

Of course her parents could always take their own slippers.

I HATE having to take my shoes off, especially if going out to dinner in the evenings when I am wearing heels. I am short and shoes 'maketh' the outfit IMO. At my inlaws, I end up looking small and with trousers that are too long!

If wearing muddy shoes, fair enough. But otherwise, get over it! It's just a floor!

Swimming pool overshoes are horrid though. You must really hate your feet to prefer wearing those to taking your shoes off or bringing a pair of slippers, I'd probably be happy if they brought with them a pair of indoor only shoes that just stayed inside as long as not high heels. That stops the dust/ mud/grit being trailed in and out. Some people expect miracles from their doormats.

Swimming pool shoes are horrid, but at least you get to keep your feet warm and comfortable and don't have the yucky thought of wearing someone elses slippers.
I think I might just plead a verruca and then I would have to keep them on!

Why not take your own slippers or a pair of indoor shoes?

Did anyone see the Sex and the City episode where Carrie has to take off her brand new Manolo Blahniks at a party and someone steals them?!

YES! And she says she's getting married to herself and registers for the shoes and it's hilarious.

"No you see, this is an outfit."

Love that episode!

For me, it's not whether the floor will be scratched, it's whether dirt will be brought in under shoes. Oudoor shoes inside a home also makes me feel sick. I have wooden floors and tiled floors in my rented house. If there is a party all rugs are picked up and noone is asked to take shoes off. I get the mop out as soon as they leave. ALthough we had a party a week ago and because I haven't felt well all week I still haven't mopped. Makes me feel dirty walking in my own home.

I had a friend once who had, I think, oak floors and she was advised not to mop them regularly - too much water. If that is the case with new oak floors then I definitely ask people to take their shoes off.