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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not helpful when people are overly negative about FF?

309 replies

lunartictoc · 26/04/2010 17:25

Hi
Have been reading boards for a while under a different name, but wanted to post slightly contentious issue under new name.
AIBU to think that when discussing the merits of BF V FF, it is really unhelpful when some BF advocates try to strengthen their case with really negative comments/facts/ideas about FF? ie discussing how F-fed children are more prone to illness (including serious, like cancer) that it can lead to health problems for mothers, that it can cause obesity etc? I absolutely catergorically cannot BF my DS as much as I would have loved to - it is medically impossible. So I did a bit of research on FF, and many search engine results point here to MN. It scared me half to death reading what some posters have said about FF - I have no option, and without FF my son would have no milk at all! Some statistics (and indeed vitriol from the more judgemental posters) have just made me feel so upset and that I am being a bad mother, and damaging my DS in some way. I understand that pro-BF parents are keen to educate, and I understand that many F-feeders do so due to lack of support/education etc, but I think that there are many better ways to get across this message. Perhaps I am being over-sensitive, but some comments have really upset me! AIBU?

OP posts:
motherlovebone · 27/04/2010 17:54

no lunar, you didnt read any of the bf / ff threads and the name lunartictoc was from your uni days of course.

fuck off

MilaMae · 27/04/2010 17:56

Believe me I was not short of diagrams,books,leaflets etc.I had the lot,I was very committed,I'd done hours of research.

If you're struggling,knackered and clueless the only thing that is going to help is somebody there to actually physically show you how it's done,check latch,re-position etc,etc.

Compared to actual physical support the benefits of printed info must be miniscule,clearly that is the case when you look at figures. There is masses of printed material out there but very little physical support,breast feeding figures are low so......

SarfEasticated · 27/04/2010 17:59

I don't feel I have the emotional strength to go through another bloody bf vs ff thread. If you ff and can't bf just don't read threads about how bad ff is. it's just not bloody worth the angst unless of course is spurs you into trying to relactate.
You made your decision as I did, you can't go back so let's just get on with the rest of our lives...

Velvetbee · 27/04/2010 18:11

I BF DC3 for 2 yrs+, longer than any of the others and he's the one with the brain tumour...not sure what happened there.

People are so judgemental about every aspect of parenting that you must be gentle with yourself, do the best you can every day with the emotional, physical, financial resources you have and rise above...rise above...

Original poster
lunartictoc · 27/04/2010 18:29

you know, motherlovebone, i was all set to respond to your nasty message with equal aggression - and then I thought "why lower my standards?" I said that I hadn't read many current bf/ff threads, not that I hadn't read any, and yes lunartictoc IS from my Uni days. I didn't know there was a tiktok on the boards, and I would never EVER seek to be rude or offensive to anybody. I have no reason to.
I didn't make this choice - it was made for me. I enjoy interesting debate and hearing all sides - and am quite open to changing my opinion if presented with a good coherent argument. That's why I posted here. You must be a very unhappy person to want to upset someone else, by telling them to f*ck off for no good reason. It doesn't even make sense - I happen to agree with what tiktok has written on many of her answers on this thread!!
I don't expect you to believe me - but I really don't care. You're the one with the issues, my love, not me.

OP posts:
AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 18:39

your point is getting increasingly shrill, milamae, given that NO-ONE is disputing that physical support is needed.

and tbh i had books, leaflets AND lots of support (although i had to chase it, it didn't come to me) and i still didn't manage, sometimes that's just how life goes, no point feeling bitter about it.

Original poster
lunartictoc · 27/04/2010 18:47

And sarf - just for info, as i realise you probably haven't read the whole thread. The reason I initially posted was because when trying to find decent info on which formula would be best for me to use, I had to wade through lots of negative stuff and people (without knowing my history) banging on and on about why FF was so bad - even, in some cases, after me telling them I can't BF. Some people (this is in RL) just don't believe that/won't accept that. I am ALL for BF, just wanted a frank debate on what others feel - and fwiw I have changed my opinion somewhat after reading this thread - so all power to t'internet!

OP posts:
MilaMae · 27/04/2010 19:02

I'm not bitter at all I have 3 very bright, healthy children thanks to formula,absolutely nothing to be bitter about.

Along with others I simply sympathize with the op and feel she has a point. There are far too many posters on MN who like to resort to scaremongering which isn't actually needed as the world and his wife know breast is best and as you point out are in total agreement that more support is needed.

You clearly have a problem with this being discussed,not exactly sure why

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:07

re the best formula etc... that is a very interesting thing... shrouded in mystery, wrapped up in an enigma etc. personally i used aptamil for dd1 and cow and gate for dd2, after i realised that aptamil has something in it that meant dd1's poos were soft for much longer than they would ordinarily have been.

tell you something interesting, an mner wrote to which mag to ask them to do a comparative piece on the best formula etc etc, they were falling over themselves, thought it was a great idea, why hadn't they done it before etc.

then... nothing. she wrote to them to ask how their testing was going and they said that they didn't think it would be a useful exercise. hmmmmm.

my best advice would be to use the one that's most easily available to you, because if you run out you will be kicking yourself.

Original poster
lunartictoc · 27/04/2010 19:09

haha - thanks aitch! Now THAT'S the info I was looking for!. We plumped for C & G too, in the end. Because there was an offer on at Boots, mainly...
9 months on, and he seems just fine

OP posts:
AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:09

utter rubbish, milamae. where are these posters? name and shame them.

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:11

you want to know where i read that info? on here. it's been discussed often. from here i know that sma constipates some kids as well... the things you learn.

Original poster
lunartictoc · 27/04/2010 19:12

Ah, see - I didn't know about mumsnet back then - google searches did lead here when I was asking q's on FF, but I couldn't sort out the plethora of info in my addled head!
I'm here now though

OP posts:
AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:13

and remember milamae, it's 'far too many' posters i'm after. i can think of a couple of crackpots who inevitably get shouted down... but as to the idea that there are heaps of them, it's arrant nonsense.

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:13

welcome, lunartic.

scottishmummy · 27/04/2010 19:30

ach now dont do the name and shame thang.you'll be wanting refernces with all claims next

thing is a vociferous minority do post horrid threads and can be most zealous and irresponsible.no not all posters do this,majority are eminently responsible

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:32

nah, it's bullshit. there are a couple of loons who pop up now and again and that's it. there simply aren't 'many', and milamae knows it, hence her radio silence.

MilaMae · 27/04/2010 19:42

No radio silence simply feeding and putting my dc to bed.

I'm not naming and shaming but as Scottish says they're there for all to see and it's a lot more than a couple as you and I both know.

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:45

bullshit.

MilaMae · 27/04/2010 19:51

In your opinion

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 19:54

name names, mila.

Buzzybb · 27/04/2010 19:58

Aitch I am doing food comparisons for my nutrition course I did originally choose to look at baby formula but the are so nutritionally similar it was not feasible the nutritional guidelines are very strict also because they cannot advertise formula [not including follow on milk which is not classed as formula] it means that most magazines, papers etc will not even think about an article about the merits of each a pity really as it means we have no real info or comparisons. On that note I am off to do a food comparison on kiddies spaghetti hoops I think Dp will be getting them and DD will never eat Barney pasta again, Dp can have them as he thinks crispy pancakes make a good meal Will be back after I write 3000 words on Barney and Postman Pat spaghetti

scottishmummy · 27/04/2010 20:06

demanding name name is provocative and irrelevant.threads happen,posts move,new posts emerge.no point dragging detritus and griping she said/i said

and actually i never look at the names but do know working mums and feeding threads bring all the gum bumpers out,citing statistics and getting het up

doesn't matter who said what

MilaMae · 27/04/2010 20:07

I have no intention of doing that,they're there.

In true bullying fashion you get the few extremely unpleasant posters then the others who in true cowardly fashion like to nod and agree and egg said scaremongers on. Just as nasty and just as irritating.

AitchTwoZone · 27/04/2010 21:12

lol, good to see that sm is sticking to her 'i don't look at names' line.

and nice use of 'bullying', milamae, not that you've lost perspective or anything but we are talking about breastfeeding here. you think that people who ff are bullied on mn and we#re all just supposed to let that stand? it's palpably not the case.

and buzzy, are you saying that one formula milk is much the same as the other?

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