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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To put 6-month-old DS2 into a nursery one day a week?

103 replies

angel1976 · 26/04/2010 14:25

I am so tired. I can't think anymore. Can't see the wood for the trees (or is it the trees for the wood..) anymore? AIBU to consider putting almost 6-month-old DS2 into nursery for one day a week?

I knew having two so close in age would be hard but gosh, DS2 is almost 6 months old and it doesn't seem to be getter easier. DS1 is 26 months old.

DS1 - Great personality and a real delight but hard work. Really active, curious and very smart. Talking really well already. Needs to go out and do stuff. Staying at home drives us both nuts. He already goes to nursery 3 days a week.

DS2 - Lovely, placid baby. But doesn't like drinking milk form day 1. Now being weaned and doesn't want to open his mouth to eat. Has had a persistent recurring cough. When it comes back, he just coughs all night (he sleeps through his coughing, I don't!). Thinks he has a touch of reflux, even now, he can bring up whole feeds of milk now and then. Bumping along on the 2 percentile line. I just feel like I can't stop worrying with him.

Both just came down with chicken pox. No help from family nearby, in-laws are nearby and it's all talk with them. DH literally had to beg them to come last week to take DS1 out for a couple of hours as DS2 looked like the plague during his bout of CP. My family is overseas.

DH - Very busy job. Leaves early and comes back usually after kids have gone to bed. Our relationship is suffering because I am tired and grumpy. We have gone out for dinner when our friend has babysat but that's not it.

I need 'ME' time. I just need to go out and be able to do something. Get my hair cut, buy some new clothes and have a think about my job and going back to work. Or go for a run. I just feel like I am so tired from being a mummy 24/7.

DS1 goes a really lovely nursery. His carers have been asking when DS2 is going to them. I trust them completely. DS2 would love the attention. DH knows I am feeling really stretched. I am thinking of putting DS2 into nursery for 1 day a week so I get a break. But I also know a lot of mothers don't get a break ever! So am I genuinely being unreasonable for even considering it? Can't think straight anymore... Thanks.

OP posts:

BAFE · 26/04/2010 14:27

No YANBU - pick up the phone and ring the nursery now before you change your mind.

YesYouMust · 26/04/2010 14:27

YANBU - Though for settling purposes etc 2 or 3 mornings is better than one whole day iyswim.

sazlocks · 26/04/2010 14:29

not at all unreasonable - even if you only do it for a couple of months til things feel more manageable. It sounds like it would do you the world of good to have a break.

Original poster

angel1976 · 26/04/2010 14:30

Thanks for your kind messages... I am sitting here tearing up. I just feel so emotionally depleted and so tearful. I feel like I should be able to cope but can't seem to be able to. Physically, I am fine but mentally, I just feel so tired.

OP posts:

JoandMax · 26/04/2010 14:32

YANBU at all, the happier you are the better parent you'll be. And you sound like you really need the break.

I have 20 months between my two boys, DS2 only 6 weeks and it is knackering, am on the go constantly from the minute I wake up! DS1 goes to our local nursery 2 mornings a week which he loves so I will definitely be sending DS2 when I feel the times right for us all.

Original poster

angel1976 · 26/04/2010 14:34

DS1 was such hard work as a baby but I couldn't bear to put him in nursery till he was 11 months old and I felt he was ready. DS2 is so placid but because of that, I think he wouldn't mind being in there for one day a week but I feel so guilty at the thought of it and that I am 'punishing' him for being easy. I am sitting here in tears, that's not normal is it?

OP posts:

BAFE · 26/04/2010 14:37

I think it is normal to be sat in tears when your absolutely weary and fed up. Of course it's normal. You're not punishing him, he'll love nursery. Just do it.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 26/04/2010 14:45

YADNBU - you will be an even better mummy if you get a break every now and then. If you can afford it, do it. Do it now in fact. You sound like you really need a break.

addictedtolatte · 26/04/2010 14:46

YANBU my ds is 23 months now and i regret not putting in him at least one day a week. he doesnt have very good social skills but this is just because he has never really been around that many children. i am putting him in this week and dreading it. so i think it works both ways really you get a bit of me time and he can mix with other children.

patienceplease · 26/04/2010 14:58

YANBU - I put my DD into nursery 2 mmornings a week (same place as DS) simply so that I could have some me time. It saved me. My DH also worked long hours and was usually away lots at weekends too. If it had not been for nursery I don't think I would have coped. If you can afford it then do it. Some days I did lots of housework things and others I just did stuff just for me - going into town to browse at leisure and have a coffee - bliss!
I don't have that time now cos I'm doing some part time work and I miss it soooo much.
I think you should phone them NOW and you will feel so much better having started the process towards your rest time. HTH

porcamiseria · 26/04/2010 15:00

yanbu, do it for your own sanity. DO IT!!!!

Original poster

angel1976 · 26/04/2010 15:06

Thank you! I still feel so guilty at the thought. I keep thinking that lots of women do everything themselves and they cannot afford to have the 'me' time. We are lucky that we can afford it but DH does work hard for the money so we 'pay' for it with his long hours away. patienceplease It is likely I will go back to work 3 days a week from July/August anyway but I want to put DS2 into nursery NOW for my own sanity. I don't feel like myself anymore. I didn't feel this way with DS1 so I don't know what is going on that has made me feel so down with DS2. I had a prolapse as well with DS2's birth and I've felt very down about it. I want to do something to make me feel good for myself iykwim.

I am taking DS1 into nursery tomorrow and I will speak to the coordinator then. I feel slightly better now. Thank you all.

OP posts:

BornToFolk · 26/04/2010 15:09

YANBU. If you can afford it, do it.

You already know the nursery and the staff there so you know both your boys will be well cared for. Lots of mums use creches or family help.

If it makes you feel better, can you do it on a trial basis, so if you or DS2 don't get on with it, you can stop it?

narmada · 26/04/2010 15:11

Definitely not BU, get DS2 into nursery pronto. I have a friend in a very similar situation to you and she did exactly what you're thinking about doing. And she has never looked back. It gives her a few hours to do essential things and even send a few emails!

On another issue, and I hope you don't mind me going off-beam a bit, have you explored the possibility of getting your DS2's reflux treated. I also had a reflux baby and so I know that it can add an extra, er, dimension to childcare. There are lots of things to try - antacids, proton pump inhibitors. GPs can be very reluctant to do anything, or even recognise the problem, but your son sounds like a pretty clear-cut case to me. don't stand for the 'oh well, he's not losing weight' line.

Firawla · 26/04/2010 16:17

yanbu, if you need a break and you can afford it then why not? theres no rule to say you couldnt take him out again if you changed your mind, and its not like putting him in fulltime. just because some people dont have any help doesnt mean u cant use things 2 help u if you find it useful. i dont think theres a reason to feel bad about it, as you know the nursery & trust them

Missus84 · 26/04/2010 16:22

If you're going to go back to work in 3 months anyway, putting ds2 in nursery now will probably be easier on him. 6 month olds are quite adaptable and he'll probably settle really well - by 9 months he'll probably be developing separation anxiety so introducing new carers then will be much harder on him.

hurtnamechanger · 26/04/2010 16:23

Do it, do it, do it.

NarabugHitWindscreen · 26/04/2010 17:29

YANBU, and your little one will probably really enjoy the nursery and benefit from the social time, my DD did!

And remind your DH that you are also doing a very busy job!

Original poster

angel1976 · 26/04/2010 17:32

I feel a lot of guilt about DS2. I bottle-feed him (I have a pituitary tumour and my hormones are all out of whack and BF-ing never worked for us) and I felt so bad when he got CP as it's unusual for babies under 1 to get these childhood diseases and if I had BF him, maybe he wouldn't have gotten it. I've been back to the GP numerous times about his cough and they kept saying it's something he gets cos he is a winter baby and he will outgrow it. I can't face doing the same for his reflux and I keep thinking he will outgrow it and he is getting much better compared to his early days. I just keep hoping I will get to the 6-month mark and things will get easier and in some ways, they are but in other ways, I just feel I have no more to give.

OP posts:

OhCobblers · 26/04/2010 19:19

It doesn't matter that "lots of women do everything themselves and they cannot afford to have the 'me' time*.

They either want to, have to, can't afford help or have lots of family who are more than willing to help. Everyone's child is different and therefore every parent will feel differently.

I'm a great believer in getting help if you can afford to (if you needed help at work in a "paid" job wouldn't you ask for it? a little simplistic i grant you but you get what i mean?).

i probably can't afford my au pair but i cut corners to make it work because if i had to be on my own with my children 6 days a week (husband works lots of weekends) i would go a little mad and i say that with one of them in nursery 5 mornings a week (3yo) !!

Have that time to yourself and come back a little refreshed and relaxed. It won't just be YOU that feels the difference!

Good luck.

withorwithoutyou · 26/04/2010 19:27

Please don't feel guilty angel1976, you sound like a very kind and loving mother

Oh, and my friend's DS caught chicken pox at 5 months old and he was exclusively breastfed.

rocketupbum · 26/04/2010 19:32

I can't even begin to imagine how hard a small age gap is. I think if you can then 1 day would do him no harm. I also think it is a good age to start some childcare as they are a bit too young to really know what is going on and it then makes life a bit easier in the future! Do it and then enjoy the time/sleep!

coppertop · 26/04/2010 19:35

I'm one of those who doesn't get any help. If you have the opportunity for a break then definitely take it, and certainly don't feel guilty about it.

minxofmancunia · 26/04/2010 19:38

YANBU, get it sorted tomorrow, it sounds like evryone would benefit, it's not remotely selfish it's sanity saving! I have 7 month ds and 3.7 yr old dd and if I could put him in at her nursery one day a week now I would!

Manda25 · 26/04/2010 19:57

I went back to work 2 days a week when DS2 was 5 1/2 months ....just to get some 'me' time

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