To put 6-month-old DS2 into a nursery one day a week?

[angel1976]

I am so tired. I can't think anymore. Can't see the wood for the trees (or is it the trees for the wood..) anymore? AIBU to consider putting almost 6-month-old DS2 into nursery for one day a week?

I knew having two so close in age would be hard but gosh, DS2 is almost 6 months old and it doesn't seem to be getter easier. DS1 is 26 months old.

DS1 - Great personality and a real delight but hard work. Really active, curious and very smart. Talking really well already. Needs to go out and do stuff. Staying at home drives us both nuts. He already goes to nursery 3 days a week.

DS2 - Lovely, placid baby. But doesn't like drinking milk form day 1. Now being weaned and doesn't want to open his mouth to eat. Has had a persistent recurring cough. When it comes back, he just coughs all night (he sleeps through his coughing, I don't!). Thinks he has a touch of reflux, even now, he can bring up whole feeds of milk now and then. Bumping along on the 2 percentile line. I just feel like I can't stop worrying with him.

Both just came down with chicken pox. No help from family nearby, in-laws are nearby and it's all talk with them. DH literally had to beg them to come last week to take DS1 out for a couple of hours as DS2 looked like the plague during his bout of CP. My family is overseas.

DH - Very busy job. Leaves early and comes back usually after kids have gone to bed. Our relationship is suffering because I am tired and grumpy. We have gone out for dinner when our friend has babysat but that's not it.

I need 'ME' time. I just need to go out and be able to do something. Get my hair cut, buy some new clothes and have a think about my job and going back to work. Or go for a run. I just feel like I am so tired from being a mummy 24/7.

DS1 goes a really lovely nursery. His carers have been asking when DS2 is going to them. I trust them completely. DS2 would love the attention. DH knows I am feeling really stretched. I am thinking of putting DS2 into nursery for 1 day a week so I get a break. But I also know a lot of mothers don't get a break ever! So am I genuinely being unreasonable for even considering it? Can't think straight anymore... Thanks.

as you can see op you will need to get used to alarmist jip if you use nursery

pop him in one day.do anticipate you will have wobbles - but cut yourself some slack

It'll be much less stressful on a baby at 6 months than a baby at 12 months ime. I honestly think it'll be a positive thing for him to be settled into the nursery at a younger age.

OP, regarding what you were saying the CP, my baby was fully bf and still got CP at 16 weeks - in fact he has had everything this past year - tonsilitis, winter vomiting, countless colds etc, despite being fully BF, so don't beat yourself up about FF, breast milk is not an automatic cure-all.

Hope you get a break soon - a happy relaxed mother is the best thing for a happy relaxed baby.

ds1 went to nursery for one full day a week from 9 months and he was absolutely fine, although when we moved to a new area and nursery they suggested to morning sessions so he could feel more part of the group. He was 2 by this point and I agreed with their thinking.

I don't agree that children would prefer tired, stressed mummy over a day in nursery. I also think that just because the past generation did it differently doesn't mean they did it better.

For me the time with ds1 at nursery was used to clean, do the food shopping and get on top of day to day stuff so the rest of the week I was less stressed and we could enjoy our time together. I loved being able to get all my jobs done in peace and then have an hour with a cup of coffee and magazine! I don't think my "me" time was spent being lazy it allowed me to be more productive and much happier

I would do it if they were happy once there (hard to tell in advance, but can usually predict on clinginess of baby!) My dd2 went to a childminders once a week and never liked it really. She just wanted to be with either me or my husband. However, we had to for work reasons and that was that (she liked it there, but hated leaving us, once she could speak which was quite early, she would say 'stay with mummy' 'stay with mummy' which made me feel bad). I think two or three mornings a week is better, as it's much more of a routine. Once a week wasn't regular enough for her.

I would definitely get some help though; if the nursery thing doesn't work out, what about getting a cleaner/someone to come to you for a few hours whilst you potter about. I only say that as I'm not sure nurseries take ill children and you might find yourself missing those slots and feeling even worse at the thought he could be in nursery, but isn't because he's sick. But in principle, I think handing a baby over for a few hours a week is a good idea, whether to a granny/childminder/nursery if they are not too distressed by it (which does vary from child to child).

My DD has attended a day nursery 1 day a week for the past year and has loved it. she went just after her 2nd birthday and has never been unsettled or unhappy there. She has made friends and had a strop last week as she wanted to bring her keyworker home for tea! and couldn't understand why keyworker in question might have better things to do on a Friday evening . I work on a very ad hoc basis and I sent her to nursery for her own benefit and to save my sanity as I have 4 DC's and no family locally. How selfish of me eh and I can honestly say just a small break each week has made me happier calmer and ultimately I feel a better mum. Someone told me once that if your on a plane and are told to put you're oxygen masks on you should always put yours on first otherwise you might not be able to help those around you. I feel the same about parenting , unless you look after yourself a bit you will soon be burnt out and unable to look after anyone else.

Thanks for all your posts. I got really stressed today during lunch and almost threw DS1's lunch on the wall. We had been to a toddler group and he managed to get hold of some biscuits from the adult table and wolfed them down so quick. Didn't eat his lunch of homemade meatballs and cous cous. Told myself to take a deep breath and I did. Why do they press your buttons so badly when all you want is the best for them? (Don't answer me, it's a rhetorical question, I know they are little and they don't know any best!). And of course DS2 would not open his mouth for any food. I gave him some steamed asparagus and he happily chewed on them till he gagged and threw up. I can't win, can I?

Still, at least DS2 is not coughing at night anymore. Slept from 7pm-5am. Had a feed at 5am and went straight back to bed till 7am. One must be thankful for small mercies! If I do get a day in the nursery, I will do some settling in sessions with him first. He isn't clingy to me at the moment and is quite happy to go to anyone who gives him attention. I hope that lasts! I know I need to get less stressed out. I had difficulty weaning DS1 too and now he eats everything but vegetables and has a good appetite generally. I know in a year's time, things will be very different with DS2 but it is so, so hard going at the moment. Thank you for all your suggestions and stories, I appreciate it all.

I'm so impressed with your homemade meatballs and steamed asparagus....I started out with the best intentions re. food but find myself taking short cuts quite often these days.

Alongside the possible day in nursery and trying to get more advice and support re. your sons cough; make sure you're not making life too hard for yourself re foods and everything. Sorry if that sounds patronising; genuinely not intended to. I just think that we all have to make life a bit easier for ourselves sometimes, especially when they're really little and so needy.

You do pop them down in front of CBeebies every so often right? I do hope so

DS1 has watched so much TV since DS2's birth that he is a one-boy episode guide to Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly, Thomas etc. He asked to watch Peppa Pig today and then wanted to watch the 'goldie' one. Our Sky+ is full of programmes to keep DS1 happy. Hope you are happy now, Olifin?

Oh we all need a break don't think your bad for needing it. Think of it this way - when you are employed you get a lunchbreak tea break etc - you do not as a mum so that one day a week is all your lunch and tea breaks added together for your employment as a mum.

I'm a lone parent and use to hate leaving my DS in childcare a moment longer than needs be ie straight to nursery then work and pick him up on the way home. Recently he started an out of school club at local surestart centre. They realised what was happening and broached the subject tactfully with me. He was offered an extra hour one day a week so I could have an hour me time. I felt really guilty but boy am I glad!!! I miss him so much that when I pick him up I'm in a better mood and so is he. We are both benefitting.

I'd also asked HV or GP advice regarding DC2 as perhaps they could help if it is reflux?

Don't feel guilty for being and feeling like a human being.

Do it. Do it now. DS1 old continued his 2 full days a week when I was on Maternity Leave for DS2, at 14 months old. Best thing all round. Much needed for everyone.

Happy Mums = Happy Little People. Nuff Said?

Do it. Do it now. DS1 old continued his 2 full days a week when I was on Maternity Leave for DS2, at 14 months old. Best thing all round. Much needed for everyone.

Happy Mums = Happy Little People. Nuff Said?

Ha just read my post back and realised I made myself sound like I used to be perminantly in a bad mood!!! Not the case just often when I picked him up he be moaning about having to pop to asda, chemists, etc and why couldn't he stay at home like other kids, Had to gently explain he couldn't stay home alone and other kids stayed with their dads!!!!

Anyway point is kids don't like doing these things anymore than us and your DC2 would probably enjoy nursery more than chores!!!

birdfromdanorf is spot on!!!

I am happy now angel

CBeebies is our friend.

Beans on toast is our friend.

I personally wouldn't. But I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed and I know what it can be like to have no help from outside.

can I come for lunch though? Yum, meatballs

I've recently had DC2 and I think I'm coping OK, but my GP told me to remember to take it easy and look after myself because we don't have any family help. She reminded me some people have grandparents babysitting on call, taking the older one for the afternoon or overnight, etc. Like you, for us, nursery is the only childcare we have other than ourselves, and you do need that break. I work, but have always taken the odd nursery day off for myself and will do so again when DC2 starts nursery.

Yes, some women don't get a break at all but that doesn't mean it's right or good for them. If you are really feeling the strain then it will be better for your DSs that you have that day off.

Stop thinking you need to justify yourself and do it!

You need to cut yourself some slack Angel. My eldest 2 were 18 mths apart and nursery saved my sanity. I have no support - even husband moans that I do too much for everyone else. It is good to have high standards but dont kill yourself trying to achieve them. A little telly wont kill them. A happy mummy makes for happy kiddies!

YANBU
I agree with the person who said that 2 or 3 mornings a week would be better for the baby, and possibly better for you too, than 1 whole day.

OTOH, I just read your post about meatballs and asparagus, and coming from someone who is a perfectionist myself, can I give another suggestion.
YOu sound like you have perfectionist tendencies (I have them too) and this means we push ourselves far harder than we need to. How about giving yourself a break for week and seeing how you feel? Just give him jar food for a while, it won't kill him and he'd probably prefer you cutting corners like that rather than putting him in nursery. It also won't kill him if you don't take him for a walk every day etc.
Def put him in nursery for a few days though because you sound like you're at the end of your tether.

YANBU. If putting him into nursery means you are a happier mother then it is the responsible thing to do. Plenty of people go back to work and put their kids into nursery when their kids are 6 months (3months in the US!) and the children turn out just fine. Just cos you did things one way with the first child doesn't mean it has to be the same again - it can't be, the circumstances are completely different when you've got two kids. Don't feel guilty about chickenpox - my 7 month old has it badly - one of her spots got badly infected and we had to use antibiotics - and she has been exclusively breastfed. You sound as if you need a break so YA definitely NBU - get the child to that nursery and then put your feet up. You deserve it.