son not invited to best friend's birthday party

[NKfffffffff69f0b8aX12831245b1c]

I've been sharing a childcare arrangement with the parents of a friend & classmate of my son since they started school, now nearly three years. The boys spend two afternoons together after school every week, one day with me, one day with the mother of the other child. My son describes this boy as one of his three best friends.
AIBU to be upset that my son wasn't invited to this boy's birthday party this year and that the parents didn't even tell me so? And that when asked directly whether there was some confusion, as the boy had told my son that he was invited, the mother obviously changed the subject. Admittedly my son was there and doing the asking, so she'd have to have no heart to tell him. However, she could have offered to phone me later and tell me at a safe distance over the phone.
I'm so upset that the parents didn't at least give me some advance warning so I could prepare my son and help him come to terms with being left out.
How can I carry on letting these people look after my child when we can't communicate openly and they are prepared, for whatever reason, to hurt the feelings of a child I thought they cared for?
Any advice welcome, I know I have to deal with this and do what's best for my son.

Good reasons? ....car space? money? something to do with whatever the activity is?
Not talking about it with you beforehand - embarrassed? guilty? awkward.

Nubian - are you a little bit crazy?

You make no sense whatsoever and you are extremely offensive - is that a generational thing too?

Hey nubian1, go have a laugh somewhere else, you're just taking the p* now!
If you'd ever heard your son talk about how rubbish he was then you'd worry about how he'd feel about his friend leaving him out.

OP how upsetting for you and your DS

If you feel you can, I would have a word with the other child's mother and ask whether something has gone awry between them

nubian, I have "real" problems but it doesn't stop me from feeling for my children and being able to tune into what matters to them, thankfully. You sound very bitter and a bit of a poser.

I keep forgetting - the other boy did want him invited.

Message deleted

Its horrid NKFf when our dc's are upset - really hope you get it sorted and there's some reasonable explanation.

Nubian1, in the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters that much.....this is a group of people discussing what everyone recognises as fairly minor issues.....sometimes the threads are more interesting and the issues are important to the posters.....either way it is irrelevant how much inportance you place on them....that is down to you.....if it is of no consequence to you, then you know what you can do

YANBU,if I was sharing childcare with a friend I would explain if there was a reason that they couldnt be invited to a party.

Earlier this year everyone in my DS's class came out at the end of the school day with party invitations except him. I shed a tear on the way home and made DH take him to school the next morning.

DH has far less inhibition and asked the child's mum why my DS had not been invited.Turned out to be an oversight (two children in his class with the same first name).In future I would ask myself,better for me to be hurt than my DC's.

Message deleted

Message deleted

who nubian?

All good points, and I suppose although the other boy did say ds was invited and parents obviously didn't, it's true, perhaps there's an inequality in how the boys see the friendship. All the same, the birthday party is not the moment to indirectly communicate this...if ever I've had any problem with the kids I've spoken to the mum about it. They've been so shifty about this and not direct, it's one time I'm struggling to think where to start the conversation.

Not crazy necessarily, just emotionally impaired

I have met parents like you. I always feel sorry for their children.

This my first posting on mumsnet and I'm kind of perversely enjoying nubian1's posts...

DFTT.

Jasper, again, the boy in question DID invite the OP's DS, it was the mother who put the kibosh on it.

Message deleted

Is that your personal benchamark for good parenting? Not being reported to Social Services? LOL

She should have said something to you about this to be honest. It's a bit mean.

Nubian, this is what is important in the OP's life at the moment, it doesn't matter whether she's annoyed because she's broken a nail or upset because she's lost someone/something, it's still something that's bothering her. No one has the right to call someone's concers insignificant. If you are annoyed by what she has written then you shouldn't have answered.

Message deleted

Seriously. DFTT.

what's DFTT?

Is it possibly that they take your comments too sensitively when you "talk to them" perhaps you see it as clearing the air and they perceive it as a personal attack and are trying to distance themselved despite the mutual childcare thing?

don't feed the . . .

oh