AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

I think I'd go for 'bf militants' or 'bf extremists' - implying people whose cause might be good, but their means of achieving it is not. Actually, now I come to think of it, maybe 'evangelists' is also pretty good, since there are plenty of those who employ seriously dodgy methods as well.

Porcamiseria, where I used to work genuinely isn't that interesting. Suffice to say it was an agency in the marketing field, which helps the Dept of Health with its public health campaigns (only reason I can't say more is that I loved my company, and it doubtless still works in that area). By the way, I ought to say that the vast majority of people employed directly by the Dept of Health were fab; it was the 'advisory experts' they consulted, from all sorts of health organisations and lobby groups, who were a bit more mixed. Some were lovely. Others were totally crackers .

Linzi - that's a fair point about the troll comment - but believe me some 'trolls' have form and the potential to upset the genuine supportive mums on here. I've been here a while, although I'm not a regular poster and the depths some of these posters have dug....

'bf militants' wins

I will never use the N work again, promise.........................

"I think I'd go for 'bf militants' or 'bf extremists' - implying people whose cause might be good, but their means of achieving it is not"

I'm more concerned about the ff 'militants' - ie those people involved in the marketing of formula, who can't even argue that their 'cause' is worthwhile, let alone the means by which they're trying to achieve it.

If there were 20 full-page ads in every baby magazine which idealised breastfeeding, plus constant offers of cuddly toys (maybe cute little knitted breasts) if you'de just sign up to a 'mummies club' so the breastapo could continue send you unsolicited and dishonest marketing materials....... well, pretty disgusting in my view. But that's the situation as regards bottlefeeding promotion - we're just blind to it for some reason.

I go for bf matrons myself

"BF when you are finding it very difficult, dreading every feed, exhausted and tearful is detremental to your own and your child's well being"

This was me for the first 5 weeks of dd's life.

But I carried on bf and eventually it sorted itself out - it usually does if you just give it time.

Don't think it was bad for dd that I found bf tough. Me giving up and feeling gutted about it would have been bad for me. And consequently bad for her.

Some mums struggle with bottle feeding, if they have a baby who has problems with formula (some do). When was the last time you heard anyone tell a mum in this situation she was damaging her baby's health and her own health, and would probably be better trying to relactate and breastfeed instead?

only read 1st OP but no yanbu for not wanting to breastfeed, that is totally your choice.

YABU for chosing aptamil because "it is the best". how on earth did you come to that conclusion?

"I go for bf matrons myself"

oohmatron!

Thats only to describe mums who say that those who cannot bf give up too easily, lazy, did not bother to do research, and are letting their babies down, and that because they have not bf their children are likely to be unhealthy because reseach has said so, so it must apply to every child who has not been breastfed and it must be right too.

yes thats the one titty

and just to add OP, i think joining MN is one of the best things you can do for your child - you get a glimpse of the world as it is, uncensored, and learn how deluded you actually were.

Your baby, your choice

titty bang bang you missed my point entirely, as i expected some might.

i'm really glad for you that it sorted itself out, for many it doesn't, me included (and before the 'matrons' ask, yes i kept at it for a long time, before finally moving onto ff, which did work better, FOR ME AND DD, just as persevering worked better for you) Shock horror, different things work for different people!

'Some mums struggle with bottle feeding, if they have a baby who has problems with formula (some do). When was the last time you heard anyone tell a mum in this situation she was damaging her baby's health and her own health'

erm....all the time????

Do you think so though booyhoo? In that, I think Mumsnet (and other parenting forums) are a very concentrated version of how it can be...it ends up representing (well certainly this board) an extreme view of things, as its people who feel strongly one way or other who make the most noise...

You wouldn't be likely to get as many people in one room who have as strong views on BF, FF etc in real life - the vast majority are not bothered either way. The ones who are and who like to bang on about it (myself included, though not on this topic) come here. We are a true cross section of parents, but we are concentrated in our type...

Linzi - I have never heard anyone suggest a mum stop ff and relactate. If a baby is struggling with bottlefeeding it's the baby who's considered to have a problem, not the mother and not the method of feeding.

And yes - I do appreciate that in the UK, the way we are at present bf probably will never 'work out' for some people. Does in other countries though - for the vast majority of women. Suggests to me that where bf difficulties are endemic it's a cultural problem, rather than it being something that's intrinsic to breastfeeding.

Would also say that I do struggle with the concept that 'whatever is right for me ergo is right for my child', though I do understand that if a baby isn't being adequately nourished at the breast it's obviously vital that the issue be addressed urgently.

Probably breast feeding works better in countries where life revolves around the home and extended families means mum isn't home alone for days on end.

If you want to go out - and I would get miserable cooped up all day at home with small sprogs - breastfeeding is not so easy. Huddled in the corner of the cafe / waiting room / baby changing room on your own is not conducive to happy feeding (especially when baby is bigger and YELLS whenever unhooked).

A friend, an english graduate, worked her way through the works of Dickens whilst breastfeeding and loved it. Sitting around all that time reading Dickens, of all things, would have driven me nuts.

well, for me anyway sloanypony. i had my eyes opened when i joined MN and i am so glad of that. i dont just mean the breastfeeding topic though, i mean every issue that has ever been discussed on here.

in fairness i did grow up in, and still live in, quite a wordly unwise type of place, although that is slowly changing. (racism widely accepted, not that most people even knew they were being racist. not accepting of single parents that sort of thing.) and although i always knew what i thought, i just wasn't as sure of it til i found MN and found others that thought differently or the same.

i have definitely learnt far more about who i am and how i want to live through MN than i ever would have without it. and also gained the courage (from the supportive and sometimes bossy Mnetters) to be the type of person i want to be.

i also agree that on certain topics you will find a large concentration of MNetters have the same kind of opinions, but also remember that there may be a good proportion of Mnetters who never venture near the feeding topic (as an example) so it could be that certain topics attract certain MNetters that have similar views.

"If you want to go out - and I would get miserable cooped up all day at home with small sprogs - breastfeeding is not so easy."

LOL! it's easier than going out with formula. Just take your breasts.

my issue is simply that it's pathetic to judge others for making different choices to them. As long as you feel happy with the choice you have made thats all that matters.

It really is only the business of the mother involved.

Obviously i did not mean to suggest that women are told to 'relactate' just that women who ff are told quite enough they are damaging their baby's health, and also their own.

Seriously, what is the point of constantly having a go at each other? There are points to consider from both sides, each person makes their choice and that's that!

To follow on from tittybangbang's mention of cute knitted breasts I would say there is a seriously interesting marketing niche here which has been mysteriously neglected:

breast shaped pacifiers, teething rings, soft toys, um.... let me see, a baby blanket with knitted or appliqued breasts which, I guess, could resemble the omnipresent cupcake with cherry motif?

Hmmm.... I cannot even blame alcohol for this pathetic post as I am busy bfing DC 3 .

Oh, ignore what anyone else says. If you don't want to bf, you don't want to bf. If the HV asks you how you're feeding your baby after the birth, lie (to avoid lectures). Your baby, your choice. There are worse parenting sins than formula.

I wished that i had discovered MN earlier, might have been successful bf. I personally think that it was me at fault my body not producing enough milk and also a very impatient baby who did not like to work too hard for her food, still does not and she is 3

YABU.

tittybangbang utmost kudos for your name btw.

sorry pressed 'post' to soon, I think it's all very well people telling you breast is best but for some of us it's very hard to achieve bf'ing. HV/midwives who tell you different things, breastfeeding cafes are hard to get to, no-one offers to actully help. I would have needed someone to sit with me for at least a few days to have got it right. I would have paid too, but couldn't find anyone. It was a nightmare. I am over it now but it is pretty hard when things don't go right.