AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

'Tiptoes in to whisper'

Using healthy babies, toddlers and children as examples of why it's ok 'not' to BF, fails to acknowledge the proven links between BF and incidence of obesity, type 2 diabetes and other ADULT illnesses.

'Tiptoes out again, in the hope that this info will help someone who is trying to make an informed decision about BF - lots of studies available via googlebaby, without upsetting anyone'

'hides thread just in case she gets smacked on the head by an empty aptamil tin'

sassybeast I was ff fed myself I am just so not obese size 8/10and tall.Both brothers over 6ft and very athletic again both ff.

And I'm sure you also know someone who lived to 102 and smoked 80 woodbines a day. Doesn't mean that cigarettes don't cause serious illness. You being a size 8 doesn't cancel out the evidence that we have that infant nutrition has links to adult obesity etc in a % of the poulation. If mums want to make an informed choice, then they need all of the evidence - anecdotal stories about how healthy your or my toddler is aren't really that helpful.

darkandstormy that's a nice anecdote. Another one is, "Michael Jordan - breastfed, Michael Jackson, formula fed"

Sassy everyone I know who breastfeed had whingey scrawny babies,and the mums were depressed and exhausted.

Yes I agree baby coming out of fanjo much more icky and ahhhhhgh but has to be done.

Darkandstormy - you need to meet more people 'Sticks head in discarded aptimil tin and runs awy from thread. For good'

I feel sorry for those who do not have the confidence to question the information.However,it is indeed up to the individual, all about choice.It just makes me laugh the midwives and hv pushing this stuff are more often than not the size of a house.

sassy I meet a lot of people thank you, perhaps just all not quite so predictable as the middle of the road types on here.

I was much more exhausted having to get out of bed to feed DD in the middle of the night, and endless sterilising and washing bottles!

DS was a doddle because I let him at me whenever. He didn't even lose any of his birth weight, so non-scrawny was he...

All the ff babies I know have mothers who talk complete shit on the internet and are unable to grasp simple statistics and facts.
That said, you're the only ff'er I know at the moment darkandstormy.

Can we have a "like" button, Tech?

Op you're not being unreasonable at all.

We can't do everything perfectly for our dc. Do what makes you happy,feels right for the both of you.

There are plenty of other things you can do to ensure your child has a healthy life:-wean him/her onto healthy food,ensure he/she leads an active life,don't give portions that are too big,don't smoke etc,etc.

Breast feeding is not the only thing that can help to produce a healthy adult. Just make up for it in other ways. I wanted to bf and couldn't and did just that, as did my mother, between us we've got 5 stonkingly healthy dc

milady dh and I did alternate nights.So did not feel exhausted.
runny I do not need to know about statistics,I do what is right for me.

No, OP, YANBU (if you're still on here listening, which I wouldn't blame you for not being, after the response you've had).

Yes, BF is almost certainly best for your baby; but only by a certain, hard to define margin. What stuns me is that people who are strongly pro-bf manage to kid themselves that they ALWAYS do what's best for their kids, and that somehow you're a terrible parent if you don't. Do they ALWAYS home-cook all their food (including, obviously, baking all their own bread) in order to minimize salt and additives? Do they ALWAYS walk rather than drive because the exercise is good for their children? Do they ALWAYS have improving conversations with their children or play stimulating games rather than sticking them in front of Beebies? Do they ALWAYS respond in a calm, measured way when their child has a tantrum?

My guess is no. The point is, every decision you make as a parent, 24 hours a day, helps to shape your child's future. And not one of us always makes the best decisions for our kids, even when we know damn well what the right decision is. Of course we try our best, but we are human, and let's face it, there are other considerations in life as well as our children's wellbeing (some of them perfectly if not equally valid). Getting totally hung up about one specific aspect of parenting (ie bf'ing), when there is a perfectly acceptable alternative (not as good, sure, but perfectly acceptable) is irrational and silly.

Also, to claim that there isn't pressure to bf is absurd. Yes, there is also a lack of good support a lot of the time, and that is clearly something that needs to be addressed. And of course everyone has different experiences. But I lost count of the number of times I was asked about feeding the first time round (and I've already been asked 3 times during this pregnancy, by 24 weeks). I particularly objected last time round to being asked whether I was still bfing about 10 weeks post-partum by a GP I'd never seen before, when I went into the surgery for something totally unrelated, and when I said 'no', I just got a little tut and sigh from the doctor, and a little note made on my file.

FWIW, I am not at all anti bf. I tried to bf my first child (and went through hell doing so) and fully intend to try again this time round. In a previous life, I was also involved in working on DoH bf'ing campaigns (not as a direct DoH employee, I should probably add), and so I know first hand where some of that pressure comes from. I don't have a problem with the promotion of bf'ing. However, I think the attitude of some people who promote bf'ing is completely out of proportion to the issue itself.

So, OP, inform yourself first, then make whatever decision you want to make.

milady what a horrible experience - especially at such a special and vulnerable time. Feel for you.

YANBU - give it 3 or 4 years and no one will care less, there is so much else to worry about.

good post elusive moose, but the bf rates in this country are depressingly and surprisingly low. most women do NOT breastfeed. I think it's something like 35% initially and something pathetic like 4% at 6 months. Most babies are FORMULA FED.

Actually, I was neither depressed nor exhausted and had a 98th percentile chubber who was EBF. She's now 75th height and weight thankfully (at 4). And no 2 was EBF and slept 11-7 from 9 weeks.
Perfectly honestly, I think YABU for not giving it a try. Have had plenty of friends who thought the idea was awful and then merrily fed without problems for 6-7 months, liking the convenience.
Have had others who didn't fancy the idea, stuck it out for a week or so and gave it up. A little is (most likely) better than none. And at least when sanctimonious people say "aren't you bf", you can say "tried it - wasn't for us". Always better to be speaking from a position of experience.

Good post Elusive.

Just thought I'd add if you don't have parents feeding you healthy food,giving proper portions and ensuring exercise you are at far greater risk of developing obesity,diabetes etc later however you were fed in the 1st 6 months of life.

The fact is ff babies aren't doomed healthwise and bf babies don't have some super protection if they lead an unhealthy lifestyle-they're basically at just the same risk as any other adult gorging on pies and doing zero exercise.

Baskingseals , I did have more to add to this, but your username has made me smile and so has your comment. Thank you!

I never breastfed any of mine, never wanted to and no amount of preaching wouldve changed my mind. Your body, your baby, do what you feel is best.

A close friend had her first baby a few weeks ago, is very keen to breast feed. The baby was small for dates and she was advised to give him top up feeds, he was given some formula while still in hospital. She was advised by the hospital to give him Aptamil as closest to breast milk - is there any possibility that it has been shown to be the best alternative to breast milk - rather than just having the biggest marketing budget?

Baskingseals, I do take that point, and that's why I'm not against bf promotion, as long as it's done sensitively and supportively. All I'm saying, is that bf is no different from any of the other choices we can make for our children, and yet I sometimes feel that women who choose not to bf are sometimes treated (on here and elsewhere) with far more incredulity and harsh judgement than parents who, say, give feed their children Mars Bars rather than fruit for their snacks. Even though 1) giving your child a banana is a damn sight easier than bf'ing (for many people), and 2) in any case, it's the parent's choice and responsibility to make the decision - nobody else's. So, even though I personally wouldn't make the choice that the OP is making, and I would say to her 'why not give it a go?', I think that to put more pressure on her than that, or to abuse her for her choice (as some have done) is downright unreasonable.

Also, I guess I'm influenced by some of the meetings I've sat in with people who are involved in bf promotion (I can't be more specific than that or my ex-employer would shoot me). Honestly, you would not believe the attitude some of them have towards women who FF (they think that they're all making excuses, basically), or the ideas that they seriously put forward for promotional campaigns. I have genuinely sat there and listened to someone say, 'Why don't we show a little girl crying by her mother's grave, saying 'I wish mummy had decided to bf so she could have reduced her risk of breast cancer'. I kid you not. Luckily, the government resists such ridiculous views and is much more balanced in its policy, but I suppose knowing that those attitudes are out there makes me think that we do need to have a sense of proportion about the whole thing.

Sorry, I've waffled enough. I'll shut up now.