AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

All the baby wants is a relaxed,happy, loving mother-some women achieve that by bf but some don't.

oh wind your neck in

tsc I'm amazed you think people 'make it sound elitist and noble' .

How on earth does 'bottlefeeder' sound as judgey as 'breastfeeding nazi'. Sorry, that is utterly ridiculous.

And people are ALLOWED to post about their positive experiences, dancing or no dancing, without being berated. It is those with the 'bf nazi' mentality doing the berating!

And to say that mothers are robbed of happy hormones is not 'pejorative rubbish.' It is not meant to be disparaging or derogatory! I know 'bottlefeeding' mums who now have problems with insomnia because they have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, don't breastfeed, no oxytocin happy sleepy hormone is released and therefore they can't get back to sleep . They wish they had known that before they made the decision to give up! Why are you getting pissed off with someone posting about BIOLOGICAL FACT, when someone else might read it and decide NOT to stop breastfeeding, which, in reality, will be a GOOD THING.

Ruby not always. I had to give up bf as my supply gradually dwindled and baby was not feeding well despite demand feeding. I ff dd and have no problems going to sleep, when my head hits the pillow thats it, thats of course if she wakes me up in the night.

I had promised myself I wouldn't get sucked into this debate, but I must correct what appears to be a serious misnomer: as any bogstandard biochemist will tell you, oxytocin is not merely triggered by lactation alone. It is triggered by many things, including touch (cuddles etc), even eating and, um, sex. FF doesn't preclude the release of oxytocin so to suggest that it does is scientifically erroneous. Furthermore...men produce oxytocin as well (though not in the same quantities of women).

I meant quantities AS women.

all fair points. i just think the psycho - name calling is unfair, as is the saying things like, you are 'spouting shite' or 'post orgasmic coud of smug' - tsc you sound so bitter!

to me it is a bit like yoga. there are the 'lentil weavers' who love to chant for hours and see it as some kind of gateway to a higher level of consciousness, which i am sure it is for them . and then there are people who simply see it as exercise and as a way to get an amazing figure. in between that is a whole lot of people who see it in many different ways. but you can't start calling the chanters yoga nazis, or militants, or extremists, because it makes you sound a bit of a psycho. you have to live and let live, or practice what you preach in the case of some of the name callers on here.

and incidentally, all the lentil weaving chanting sarong wearing yogis in the world would not put me of doing yoga, because i am well aware of the myriad of benefits it has for my body and mind.

ditto for breastfeeding.

piglet if that is different for you thats fine, and i'm glad you sleep ok! it IS useful for people to hear about other experiences though, although it doesn't make for a very good scrap debate.

That's not really true, TSC that milk is just a food, no more and no less.

To get technical...
Breastmilk contains numerous hormones which are evidenced to have quite a significant effect on both maternal and infant mood and on the infant's physiology. Oxytocin is one of those which promotes a sense of trust. They've been experimenting with bottling oxytocin for salesmen etc. because in studies they found people play a simple game more generously and trustingly when oxytocin was pumped into the room.

Breastfeeding also releases cholecystekinin (CCK) which induces a comfortable sleepiness in both mother and baby. This does combat insomnia and is calming for the baby.

Breastfeeding reduces somatostatin in the baby, a growth-inhibiting hormone which has a particularly negative effect on digestion. Simultaneously, breastfeeding increases gastrin levels, improving digestive function. Formula can only make an appropriation of this process by including artificial laxative ingredients.

there is also the emotional wellbeing of themother to consider. for some just having a baby - thebirth experience and the baby itself, it is no less than traumatic.

so i would urge some to remember, that even though most people are well aware that breast is best, sometimes its just a case of getting through the say without smothering your child and doing yourself in.

inshort, give yourself a break, if it works for you - brilliant congratulations. but if it doesn't becuase you are not physically or emotionally able - then cut yourself some slack.

Ruby the problem is that it may not ALWAYS be a good thing if a struggling bf mother reads the posts on here and decides to continue. That mother may well be about to embark on all the hormonal uphoria some of the ultra pro bf talk about. She may equally be heading for months of pain and depression, and would be much happier and healthier if she stopped. The point is that everyone has a completely different experience of bf. Some (and only some) of the pro bf make it sound like all women should bf regardless of personality or situation. As always on here there just isn't enough balanced opinion. People promoting what they believe is best by recounting their personal experiences is perfectly fine. To then mention how they feel 'sad for ffeeders' or that ff 'have been robbed' of anything is suggesting that what they have experienced is what all bf women would have experienced 'had they just tried a little harder'. SOME bf mothers may have 'been robbed' of the feeling of relief, calm and renewed sense of love and bonding that others have felt when they switched.
There is no doubt that breast milk is best for the health of your baby. The act of breast feeding may not be best for you. If you are not enjoying bf and u decide to give up, you may be missing out on a great experience. You may be lots happier and still have a perfectly healthy baby. No one can tell you what's right or wrong, but once you've made your decision either way don't let anyone preach to you or make you feel like you made the wrong decision.

Carmen - If we're playing neuroendocrine Top Trumps (goody!) may I just point out that (for instance):

CKK is actually released when any fat or protein rich food enters the duodenum;

Oxytocin is released by touch, so skin to skin contact with your baby will stimulate it;

Oh, and somatostatin is needed for the regulation of the endocrine system so it's simplistic to imply that it's a baddie and bf reduces it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that no one would deny that breast milk is a better food source than formula. It is! But there are some things that aren't the exclusive preserve of bf. Off to London for the day shortly, so fortunately no chance of getting locked on here for the day as people inevitably try to best the science

i agree with you to a point linzi, and obviously in some cases it is not the best way forward to bf.

could it be said that 'ff have been robbed' is a controversial term because its true? i felt completely robbed of a natural active birth because i had an emcs. total slap in the face. i did everything i could and it didn't work out. but i wouldn't go on a natural childbirth thread and start calling people smug for having theirs because i've grieved, i've wept, i've dealt with it. i am more interested in the fact that for many people birth is a traumatic process that DOESN'T HAVE TO BE, and I think that was TittyBangBang's point when she was saying about the 'dysfunctional breastfeeding'. Some birth cases need emcs's, there are some absolutes, but many many cases could have been prevented by better information for women and an entirely different philosophy behind birth than the extremely medicalised situation we have now.

same for breastfeeding (which is very closely linked IMO).

It doesn't have to be awful. Sometimes it is, and thank god for formula. But some women are totally robbed of what should be a delightful experience because of dodgy information and a cultural approach to breastfeeding that makes it difficult for women to express themselves in that way.

IMHO.

lol Top Trumps!

re the components of breastmilk - it also has minute amounts of opiates in it so acts as an analgesic - lucky baby

Fair enough, LadyT. Enjoy your day.

But breastmilk is cleverer than that. It adapts to produce the right /amounts/ of each ingredient the baby needs, fats, proteins etc. Not only at different stages of development but at different times of day.

The more research is conducted, the more active ingredients are found in breastmilk and the more adaptive it is found to be.

Similarly, breastmilk tastes different every time the baby has it (babies were found to suckle longer after mothers had eaten garlic). Formula milk tastes the same each and every time and has the same composition every time.

I really don't accept that it's 'just food' or that any talk of hormones is 'hippy nonsense.' Breastfeeding IS a physically different experience.

I didn't mention raptures or orgasms or any such thing.

But there is a different process involved with breastfeeding that distinguishes it from bottlefeeding and which has a measurable effect on the mood of both mother and baby.

My point Is The statement about 'being robbed' is simply not true in some cases. I personally didn't enjoy bf. Not because I had no support (I had loads of support. I believe most women do nowadays) not because I couldn't do it properly. Just simply because I DID NOT enjoy it. Bf was not satisfying my dd in the same way that ff did. I made the decision to switch, and felt terrible about it. The reason I felt terrible is because threads like this one told me I had missed out, I was robbed and that I had 'actively put my dd at a greatly higher risk of disease'. It took me a long time to realise that actually as long as me and my dd were happy that's all that mattered.
Like I have said over and over I have also seen bf women attacked on these threads, with them called weird and there children called scrawny. Why on earth can't everyone see that some people do better bf and some people do better ff? Neither is right or wrong.
By all means tell people the facts about breastmilk so they can make an informed decision. Just please don't assume that everyone who ff misses out , should feel as though they missed out or that they had no t enough support. Those are the points that some ff feel the need to counter argue. Sometimes it's just what they wanted and the right decision for them.

support isn't about seeing a queue of people who check your latch, it is about having a dh who feeds you whilst you lie in bed for a fortnight, about a MIL who does your cleaning, about a HV who has time to listen to you whinge, about a GP who notices you're a bit down on your iron, about at sister who has bf 12 children, about a baby-friendly society, about accessible transport, about breastfeeding being the norm in boardrooms and meetings with bank managers, about baby accompanying pub quiz nights, about waiters bringing glasses of water, about the expectations of the mother and her family etc.

well said angrywasp