AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

Ruby that's an awful thing to ask "do mothers feel different if they FF or BF"? That's no different than somebody saying do mothers feel the same if they go out to work and aren't a SAHM?

I've bf and ff believe me you don't feel any different what so ever. In actual fact I didn't properly bond with any of mine until I cracked open the SMA.Then I could sit back,relax and gaze at their little faces without wanting to run for the hills.

oh i don't mean should in the way you think i mean - i mean 'entitled' to enjoy it. 'Lateral cracks' are completely unacceptable - women 'shouldn't' have to suffer that kind of trauma. And that will take a change in the system. Women who have been unable to breastfeed could help by insisting their daughters/friends etc get support, supporting them themselves.

And you are right, breastfeeding twins, phew - why didn't some of them enjoy it?

a fair point scottishmummy

Mila that is fair enough.

Why is that awful?? Sorry, just curious!

Mila you might know the WELLDOCUMENTED advantages, but some still insist on railing against them, which causes controversy, no?

Completely agree mm. I'm sure it's v true that bf helps many women with bonding, and I can see how this can be for some. For others the experience is obviously no more emotional than simply feeding their baby. For others like me, bf really negatively affected bonding between me and dd. Hormones work in mysterious ways and I found myself to be very imbalanced. I genuinely didn't enjoy bf, and as a result dreaded feeds. This wasn't due to any mental issues I had, it was simply due to personal preference and circumstance. This did not help with bonding at all! I bonded mch better with my dd once we switched to ff. Unlike so many posts on here, I'm not claiming this is correct or the way I think others should do it. The whole point is that EVERYONE is different. We all have different hormones and different personal experiences, and therefore each decision is entirely personal. For anyone from either side to claim that all women should or shouldn't bf is completely unreasonable!
Tbh threads like this do not need to exist. I refuse to believe that any women gets through a pregnancy in this day in age without knowing the benefits of bf over ff and vice versa. They really don't need to hear the views of the bloody extremists that seem to post on here in order to make a decision.

see - 'bloody extremists' - FGS!

a vociferous vocal minority do misrepresent bf and as a result tarnish the message

Ruby if u read my post I am neither addressing bf or ff mothers. It's a fact that there ARE bloody extremists on both sides, and neither help.

but why would they tarnish such a strong message? why would it make a difference? if it is the right thing to do, why would some people talking about how great it is, or how normal it should be, 'ruin' it at all .

oh yes

i suppose what causes people to start 'banging on' is that someone comes along and goes, 'breastfeeding - a great thing to do, and really good for your baby for this whole arsenal of reasons?' and someone says 'what a load of bollocks, you bf nazi you'.

bf nazi is a dreadful term.abhorr it

essentially,nurturing bonding,affirmation is not wholly linked to mode of feeding.and most mums just want to do the right thing.we all have more in common than divides us

i love seeing a mum nuzzling a wee baby,that intense relationship.regardless of mode of feeding

i despair of the i am goddess i bf arent i superior and adept at dancing compared to those who couldnt be arsed types

do give mums credit to assimilate and understand that bf is good.also allow mums to make choices based on their individual circumstances.without hectoring and berating

as i say more unites as parents than divides

Hear hear thesecondcoming!

I hate these threads they are relentless, mind numbing and just antagonises every MOTHER!

what ever method you choose to feed YOUR children is up too you, their is no needs for the patronising comments "well your selfish not to try/ I think you should try / you are thick, as if you knew the benefits you would not give your child the powdered shit (a comment that a MN member made) by not BF, your child is AT risk of terrible illness as they are not AT! it merely a possibility and may be at a higher risk! its all pathetic, relentless and just plain unnecessary!

You are no better than anybody just because you choose a specific feeding method, congratulations if you could BF, congratulations to you if you choose/could not BF, AND A MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS to the bundle of joy in your arms! That's what IS IMPORTANT!

Im absolutely sick of coming on here and seeing people take snide and unwarranted unjustifiable extreme rudeness on passing their abhorrent comments to whomever they feel the need, instead of just thinking, well Im doing the best for my children, and I do believe that in their circumstances they are doing the very best for theirs!

I wish MN would delete any thread on AIBU on BF/BTF, as their is a forum for that are motherhood! Its just causes unneeded and unwarranted nastiness for all parties, in their circumstances of feeding method and family life!

i honestly don't see any extremist pro-bfing posts on this thread. seriously am i missing the elephant in the room or something

tittybangbang Sun 25-Apr-10 19:19:15

"I've done 5 years of breastfeeding between my three children and I can assure you that it is about far more than 'just getting milk into a baby'. I don't know any mother who has done normal term breastfeeding who wouldn't say the same."

I did 11 months breastfeeding with dd, don't know if you would count that as normal term. But there is no doubt that my determination to carry on breastfeeding despite the fact that things were going badly was having a very damaging effect on our bonding at the time, to the point where I was having recurring dreams of finding another baby somewhere, a baby who wanted me and my milk, a baby who would thrive on being breastfed.

I have many wonderful memories of dd as a baby. But seeing the doctor undress her in hospital and realising that her ribs were sticking out is not one of them. Nor is that of the endless hours which followed of syringe feeding, pumping off foremilk, breastfeeding, pumping off hindmilk, syringe feeding. I think if I had ditched the whole programme and bottle fed I might actually have some memories of dd's early months which are not of guilt and fear and exhaustion. The pleasure of breastfeeding her in the later months does not really make up for that.

I found it far easier to bond with ds, though I topped him up with formula when he seemed to be having the same difficulties getting enough milk in (both hypotonic).

Not everybody's experience is going to be the same.

And I am absolutely convinced that my mother bonded just as well with my brother, whom she adopted as a toddler, as she did with me.

bs go read the love dance psychbabble.multifaceted keech

Brilliant post LittleMrsHappy. Completely agree.

sm i have and thought it was true , honestly didn't think it was extremist.

btw imho i think bfing has got fuck all to do with bonding, what's important is how confidant and comfortable mums are with their newborns. so if you ff for whatever reason, feel happy with that decision and don't look over your shoulder and think you should really be bfing - you'll only feel bad about yourself, which isn't helping anybody.
enjoy your baby and stop thinking about what everybody else is doing with theirs - it will drive you potty.

my only point is that FEWER women bf than ff and i feel that they could do with a bit of mora

sorry got a bit carried away - bfing women could do with a bit of moral support, especially with feeding in public

I agree LittleMrsHappy. The ideal is to bf, but if the woman can't manage it, or is unhappy with it, it really isn't the end of the world. Women can be wonderful at bfeeding and still be dreadful mothers!
Women should do what is best for them and not assume that it is best for everyone. I'm sure that men don't judge each other the way that women do! It is as you have to justify your choices as a mother by being 'the best'.

bs bonding isnt acquired by mode of feeding.thats why i contend the love dance hypotheses and postulation ff mums are robbed of happy hormones. "bottlefeeders are robbed of those normal mothering hormones" that is pejorative rubbish and term bottlefeeder sounds as judgey as bf nazi.such labels are combative and unnecessary