AIBU to not want to breastfeed?

[VixeyV]

Hi this is my first post but I have been a lurker since the start of my pregnancy.

Anyway, my question is I'm 20 weeks pregnant and the midwife keeps pushing me into breastfeeding. I just don't want to and don't get why she won't stop asking me how I'll feed.

To be honest, the thought of it freaks me out. I didn't breastfeed my daughter and she's fine on formula, she has aptimal because that's the best.

So what do you think? Should my midwife stop nagging me?

Fair cop, titty (may I call you titty ?) I had a bit of a touchy-strop there for a minute. But that's part of the point, isn't it. Bf'ing is just such an emotional subject, which is why I think it's important to tread very carefully around it. And although I take your point that most people accept that women should have a right to choose how to feed their baby (though I do still think there are a few out there who would make FFing illegal if they possibly could ), I think there are many who are too cavalier about making women feel guilty about the choice they make. As some of the comments on here have shown (e.g. 'YABVVVVVVVVU for not even trying', or 'I can't support people who FF').

EM I am really sorry for what you went through with your ds, it sounds absolutely awful.

when I said I didn't support people who ff it's because in the main they don't need support it's women who breastfeed who do - as your post above illustrates.

as usual on these type of threads no-one has mentioned psychological issues with breasts (unless i missed that post, of course)

OP could have hypoplastic breasts, which can quite understandably provoke revulsion at anything touching them.

perhaps she had a wierdy upbringing where breasts were made out to be something shameful and dirty and she can't get past that.

or even worse perhaps she suffered some sort of sexual abuse in her past and now has issues with her breasts resulting from that.

no-one seems to stop and think of these things and just pile in with "thats what breasts are for", like a grown adult doesn't know that already and selfish for not trying comments.

Do whatever you need to do to keep your baby happy and full. x x x just dont stress!!!! (that defo is NOT good for you OR baby!!)

EM your experiences sound v v similar to mine so I have every sympathy. I think lots of bf women are (quite rightly) very keen on promoting and supporting bf, and some don't stop to think how their comments may be taken by those of us who had to, or chose to switch to ff.
I whole heartedly agree with supporting bf, using positive information and advice. Just don't think there's any need to do it by putting down or judging those who chose not to.
EM I really hope your second attempt goes smoothly and your able to bf for as long as u chose to, whether that be for 2 weeks or 2 years! :-))

Your boobs, your business. The midwife is being unreasonable for not minding hers.
Ignore her.

"Just don't think there's any need to do it by putting down or judging those who chose not to"

No - you don't need to put down individuals who choose to ff, but mothers do need to know the risks and disadvantages to them and their baby of using formula if they're to be able to make an informed choice, just like they need to know about the things that might make bf a challenge.

Bamboobutton - I take your point about psychological issues, but surely this would be a situation where a mother should at least be offered the option of counselling before being advised that ff is a better choice for her and her baby? After all, if she had an emotional problem with any other normal physiological function (like having sex or giving birth) she would be offered help you'd hope.... Given that her psychological barrier would be preventing her from giving her baby the best and safest diet?

grrrrrr at the phrase 'risks and disadvantages to them and their baby of using formula'...... like ff is poison or something!!!!! WHY OH WHY make some person feel bad.....yes bf is best ok ok ok but its not for everyone!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

i was ff and so was my bro.... we are both healthy, happy, not obese, have gcses a levels and degrees behind us. i am not emotionally scarred so seriously ff does not hurt or damage a baby but forcing a woman to bf her baby and be unhappy could!!!!!!!

oh and my dd was healthy and ff and my ds had bronchiolitis (LOL at me saying i have a degree then not being able to spell that!!!!)and is bf (but is sometime ff or given ebm!).

i bf because it worked from the minute i started and is convenient when i am rushing about.....ds does enjoy it but if i am being honest is more satisfied after a ff!!!!!

DARE I MENTION EARLY WEANING HERE lol!!!!!!

YABU not to even try it.

It is U to feel breastfeeding is wrong, sexual or that breasts are for men to perv over and not what they were really made for (feed babies) and part of that is down to our sick society. If that is part of your reasoning then you need to think deeper.

It is selfish not to bother trying IMO just because you 'don't fancy it'. It's about your baby NOT just you.

TBB, Thats where we clearly differ. i believe it is possible to promote the advantages of breast feeding, by discussing the positive points of breastfeeding. you actually dont need to attack ff in order to promote the other!
By spouting the 'risks and disadvantages' of ff to somebody who has already chosen to ff, and as you said yourself, is not able 'to relactate' you are pointlessly making that person feel bad for no good reason at all!Nobody should be made to feel that they have to justify their personal choice to anyone else.
I doubt many ff mums actively disagree with the promotion of bf. It's the self righteous personal attacks on their parenting choices they have an issue with.
Just concentrate on the positive things about what you support rather than actively attacking what you don't.

Its not unreasonable at all to think BF is wrong, as that person is a individual and has her own opinions and background to what ever she feels is unreasonable FOR HER!!!! concerning BF!

We dont all sing from the same hymn sheet, we are individuals.

OP you decide what is best for YOU and your family life, BF isent the everything, the most important thing for your baby is a mother who is happy!

If the MW asks again, just say Im bottle feeding and I am happy with MY choice.

You are not being unreasonable either to even NOT try breastfeeding, its not for everyone and thats just life! x x x

Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the very best to you and your family.

btw, LOL sparklycheery! I'm surprised my DD is so happy and healthy considering all the terrible ff and early weaning! :-)

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't try to bf. None of my business though. There's plenty of info out there on the advantages of bf which I think all expectant mums are subjected to so if you make an informed choice not to bf that's up to you. I come from a family who largely find the idea of bf 'disgusting' (my mum when I told her I planned to bf ds1) which is definitely an unreasonable attitude.

i accept all the people who say i was FF and am a healthy, happy adult. it stands to reason that not every single person who was FF will be ill just as ait stands to reason that not every person who was BF will be totally healthy BUT, the research has been done and the facts are there to prove that babies who are BF have a far better chance of not becoming ill either in infancy or adulthood. I personally would rather do all i could to keep that risk low and if that means doing something as simple as breastfeeding then i will. those who say Formula isn't poison are right, it isn't. but it isn't the best you can get for your baby either and someone who dimisses it without even trying is in my opinion being unreasonable.

well said, linziwam. Focus on promoting what you think is best, not picking at and saying horrible things about what you don't think is best. I totally agree and am quite surprised people think it's ok to throw stones at ff or bf.

this debate has been done sooooooo many times its boring......LOL Linziwam......glad you can see my humour!!!

I am bf, i did try with my dd but had PND and didnt enjoy it.....in fact every time i fed i felt sick!!! BUT with ds i tried and it clicked simple as that. its hard for me to imagine not even trying but who are we to judge..... suppose the OP did put it on an AIBU thread so what did she expect!!!!!

my dps mum fed her son cows milk from a spoon and mashed potato in it to thicken it!!!! He is a bright intelligent fella who like ff babies is not scarred for life!!!!

"my dps mum fed her son cows milk from a spoon and mashed potato in it to thicken it!!!! He is a bright intelligent fella who like ff babies is not scarred for life!!!!"

oh, well that makes it ok then. we should all feed our dc's cows milk and mash because one person has no conditions that appeared with a note saying "i was caused by cows milk and mash2.

Sigh... Breastfeeding is not 'best' -it is normal. it is the standard that everything else should be compared to. Ff is not the same ( or even that close) but it is a better alternative than what was available in the past- cow's milk and potato being an example

I know this is a sensitive subject and ff mums do not like to be reminded that they are feeding an inferior food to their baby but it doesn't do anyone any favours to gloss over the risks that are associated with ff. People deserve to have all the information they need to make an informed choice. Unfortunately, at the risk of offending anyone (and to the advantage of all the formula companies) everyone keeps quiet, smiles and nods when people say ' sure it's practically the same anyway' and so the cycle of misinformation continues. If you need to bury your head in the sand, stick your fingers in your ears and keep telling yourself that you/ your child/ your relative is fine and healthy despite being ff then go ahead but don't keep passing that information on as fact to new/expectant mums. It isn't fair to them or their babies. Let them make a fully informed choice for themselves.

Saying there are risks to ff implies that it's in some way harmful which it isn't. There are benefits to bf which don't apply to ff but that isn't the same thing at all.

there are risks associated with NOT breastfeeding claire236

Which are?

You've got it the wrong way around, Claire.

Breastfeeding is the physiological norm. Artificial feeding introduces risks.

Great posts on this thread from TittyBangBang.

Greater risk of childhood leukemia, eventual breast cancer, diabetes, obesity, ear infections, asthma, Crohns, SIDS, diarrhoea, difference in IQ, arthritis, ulcerative colitis, allergies... and greater maternal risk of certain cancers.

Some research links here