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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be peed off at mil for trying my wedding dress on !

144 replies

em83 · 20/04/2010 09:20

getting married in two weeks, just a last minute thing before we go on holiday, just wanted a simple wedding at registery office with me, dp and our 3dcs and inlaws (i dont get on with my family) and wanted to spare expense.
i had plans to buy a trouser suit for me, dresses for the 2dds and a shirt and tie for dp and ds....
then mil offered to buy me of our outfits for us provided mine was a dress " as you will regret it later" were her words, i thought if shes paying then why not !!
so to cut a long story short i got a lovelt dress from debenhams , however with limited space in our house i asked if we could keep it at their house.
when we were there over the weekend she said "the dress is lovely but very long, its even long on me , (she about 3 inch taller than me)and she seen the look on my face and went on to say i"i couldnt resist trying it on" this has pissed me off my dp wont say anything to her and im rather pissed off about it !

OP posts:

Redazzy · 21/04/2010 08:42

There doesn't have to be a deep dark meaning to trying a dress on fgs! Nothing is reserved for anyone, nothing is anyone's 'right'! If knowing that your wedding dress has been tried on in any way spoils a wedding day then the question must be asked about what priorities are held about the 'marriage' as opposed to the 'wedding'! It all sounds so superficial.

bunnymother · 21/04/2010 08:56

Actually, the wedding dress is traditionally reserved for the bride. And if someone wants to try on a wedding dress, then they should either get married themselves or go to a shop and try one on. The MIL "couldn't resist" trying it on which indicates she knew it was not appropriate. As also indicated by her lack of candour about it.

morningpaper · 21/04/2010 09:06

I think it's because a wedding dress is associated with excitement, glamour etc. But tht is reserved for the bride

Ahhh see I just don't get this. It's just a pretty dress for a big party as far as I'm concerned. I might want to try it on for the same reason I might want to try on a friend's posh dress when I'm staying at hers! Just because I like a bit of dressing up.

I don't get the idea of a wedding dress holding special magic powers.

JaneS · 21/04/2010 09:13

I don't think dresses are 'special' like that either, MP. I'm not sure the OP does either, she says she only ended up with a dress at all because MIL insisted that she'd buy her one.

The point is, it's her MIL. Why would anyone want to dress like their DIL-to-be - and then tell her about it?

Besides which, MIL squeezed her too-large body into the dress (which could have damaged it - she couldn't have known if it would or not when she tried). Sounds as if she couldn't care less about the bride, just wants to control the situation. It'd be pissy, whether it was a big party or a wedding.

bunnymother · 21/04/2010 09:19

It may not hold special powers for everyone, but the only person to decide this Is the owner of the dress, being the bride. So, in your case MP, it may not and so you might not care if someone tried on your dress. In this case, it was a matter for OP. And she obv cares very much. Her MIL should have been aware (and I suspect probably was) that this could be an issue for OP.

2rebecca · 21/04/2010 09:31

I would have been stroppy with her at the time and told her that she should have asked me, in which case I'd have said no and that I wasn't storing anything personal with her ever again. If you were too wimpy to speak up at the time it's too late now.
I agree with those who said that people who get upset easily shouldn't get away with bad behaviour just because they like to turn on the waterworks. So what if she cries? She'll get over it, just as you'll get over this.

2rebecca · 21/04/2010 09:33

Why have you still left the dress at her place? I'd move it now as a matter of principal. Surely you can find a hanger somewhere in your house to put it on, or could leave it with a friend?

pigsinmud · 21/04/2010 09:35

If that's the case, bunnymother, and it's up to the OP(which of course it is) as to whether it's a big deal or not, why post it on here?! I have been chuckling away at the people who are so outraged at someone else trying the dress on.

How can someone not have enough room to store a dress at their own house? That's been bugging me!

bunnymother · 21/04/2010 09:47

Hmm, not sure what you are asking Schilke? OP asked whether she was BU for being pissed off. I think she is not BU as I consider what MIL did to be unacceptable. However, it's her dress and so it's a matter for her whether she wants to be pissed off or not. Our opinions are really just to give her feedback on what others would also think in the same situation. And I also provided an explanation as to why other brides may also feel/have felt the same way.

2rebecca · 21/04/2010 09:48

I find that bizarre as well. You just hang it somewhere it won't get creased (I find heavy music stands great for this) and tell husband to keep away, which being a bloke he will anyway as dress stuff is boring.
I'd have moved other stuff to someone else's to make room for the wedding dress rather than move the wedding dress to someone else's house. I wouldn't trust anyone else to look after it, and if she's trying it on, risking getting make-up etc on it whilst doing so then she isn't trustworthy.
You are partly to blame for not looking after it yourself.

diddl · 21/04/2010 10:27

Well it does seem odd not to have room for the dress.

That said-perhaps it was more a question of the children messing with it?

OtterInaSkoda · 21/04/2010 10:38

YABU to make a big deal out of it.

YABU to feel a bit put out.

I have a feeling I'd have tried it on too - but I wouldn't have said anything

OtterInaSkoda · 21/04/2010 10:39

YANBU to feel a bit put out, sorry.

Original poster

em83 · 21/04/2010 21:47

i simply dont have the room to keep the dress, with me,dp and ds and 2dds cramped in a 2 bedroom house there is just no where to store the dress without it getting spoilt !
it didnt cross my mind that mil would try it on, so thought i would keep it there as she has 3 spare bedrooms !

OP posts:

MrsCrafty · 21/04/2010 22:02

If your wedding dress is that important, then you will not last 5 minutes as man and wife.

You should have put your dress somewhere safe and it should have been with someon you trust.

This sounds like a load of bollox really.

chiccadee · 21/04/2010 22:07

A bit weird, but not the end of the world. More worrying is the insistence that she will only pay if you buy a dress.

Think it's already been suggested but why not go out and buy a great trouser suit for the day instead?

youngblowfish · 21/04/2010 22:46

YABU. It is just a dress! What is it with women and wedding dresses, it is just a piece of cloth! Yes, you can imbue it with all kinds of religious/cultural/spiritual meanings but it came from the same Chinese factory most of our goods come from. What about all these women who tried it on before you in the shop? You have a loving family, don't waste your time being upset about things which truly make no difference at all.

2rebecca · 21/04/2010 22:57

I can't see me buying a dress I didn't want no matter who paid for it. Surely it's better to pay for an outfit you like than have someone else buy one you don't for your wedding. Little girls dresses are fairly cheap unless you are going very OTT. My son's hire kilt for ours wasn't that pricy either.I'd have asked her to pay for something else. There's alot to be said for having a small scale wedding you can afford yourselves and not then losing control of things to relatives who feel they are buying you.

gtamom · 21/04/2010 23:00

Pretend she has passed you down a family wedding dress worn by all the brides in your dp's family for 300 years.

There! Now you are wearing a cherished heirloom instead!

(I don't think your future mil meant anything creepy at all, but I bet many people have tried on other womens gowns, just did not tell them)

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