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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off at mil for trying my wedding dress on !

144 replies

em83 · 20/04/2010 09:20

getting married in two weeks, just a last minute thing before we go on holiday, just wanted a simple wedding at registery office with me, dp and our 3dcs and inlaws (i dont get on with my family) and wanted to spare expense.
i had plans to buy a trouser suit for me, dresses for the 2dds and a shirt and tie for dp and ds....
then mil offered to buy me of our outfits for us provided mine was a dress " as you will regret it later" were her words, i thought if shes paying then why not !!
so to cut a long story short i got a lovelt dress from debenhams , however with limited space in our house i asked if we could keep it at their house.
when we were there over the weekend she said "the dress is lovely but very long, its even long on me , (she about 3 inch taller than me)and she seen the look on my face and went on to say i"i couldnt resist trying it on" this has pissed me off my dp wont say anything to her and im rather pissed off about it !

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2010 11:49

well yes that would annoy me! presumably she just didn't force the zip up! IIRC my dress was very small fitting too

MmeLindt · 20/04/2010 11:51

I understand that you are annoyed, and she definitely overstepped the line.

Since you love the dress, there is no point in taking it back.

And with only 2 weeks to go until the wedding, I would not start an argument with her (that you are bound to come off worse from, since your DP will not stand up to his mother).

Go around. Tell her you want to check the length of the dress. Say that you were a bit upset, as she probably noticed, that she tried your dress on. But that you have calmed down (and bitched about her on MN - don't tell her that) and realise that it is not important. It is more important that you have a good relationship with her and that you all enjoy the day.

Hopefully that will make her feel so guilty, she will pay for the alterations.

IngridFletcher · 20/04/2010 11:53

Unless her skin skin is a mass of weeping pestilant sores I think you (and some of the replies) are overeacting a tad.

Be aware that if you take some of the advice give, such as refusing to wear it, cleaning it, unlocking the seam, saying she has ruined 'the specialness' you will
come over as unstable.

skihorse · 20/04/2010 11:54

That is UNBELIEVABLY creepy! Did she imagine herself walking up the aisle to meet... her son?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 20/04/2010 11:54

I'd be a bit But I dont think it's worth confronting about it. She obviously knew how you felt when she saw your reaction.

Im a bit upset that someone beat me to the Monica from friends joke!

IngridFletcher · 20/04/2010 11:54

Unpicking not unlocking ....bloody iPhone.

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2010 11:55

skihorse i think (hope!!) you are overthinking it

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 20/04/2010 11:58

I would freak out, I'm afraid, 'emotional' MIL or not. Perhaps when you next visit, OP, casually drop in to conversation that you had garlic for lunch, so just borrowed her toothbrush. See how 'emotional' she gets.

JoeyBettany · 20/04/2010 12:15

I wouldn't be bothered either. If I was storing a wedding dress at my house I'd probably try it on too out of curiosity, vanity etc.
I doubt she realise it would offend you, or
she wouldn't have mentioned it, surely?

dinkystinky · 20/04/2010 12:17

Oh my God. YANBU.

EricNorthmansmistress · 20/04/2010 12:31

Is it a wedding dress or just a really nice dress? Either way, it's out of order, and she was silly to have told you. But it's not that big a deal. Go over to pick it up, see if it needs taking up and get it done yourself. You'll look beautiful. My wedding dress was ex rental so god knows how many women made memories in my dress before I did!

BarryKent · 20/04/2010 12:37

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BarryKent · 20/04/2010 12:38

This reply has been deleted

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MamaVoo · 20/04/2010 12:42

She tried on a dress. Not what most of us would do but it doesn't exactly make her the mother in law from hell does it? Just get over it.

notwavingjustironing · 20/04/2010 12:43

But it's not really about the dress is it?

MamaVoo · 20/04/2010 12:45

Isn't it? Pretty dress hanging there in her house - wonders what it would look like on her. What else do you think there is to it?

YesYouMust · 20/04/2010 12:48

Her DILs wedding dress, not just a random dress, there is a difference and as for capturing her yoof

IngridFletcher · 20/04/2010 12:50

All MILs are evil with some awful hidden agenda...it is the law!

Maybe she just could not control the urge to try on the pretty dress. Maybe she thought it was too long for you and wanted to prove it by trying it on. No, it is far more likely she wants to ruin your day or has some deep seated urge to marry her son.

notwavingjustironing · 20/04/2010 12:52

I think it's more about buying the dress for her then assuming that it's hers (MILs) to do with as she liked.

Which isn't really the spirit of the gift is it?

Although I am feeling particularly irritated this morning by various things, so I'm possibly not being reasonable myself.

RockSteady · 20/04/2010 12:53

I think she tried the dress with a subconscious desire to tear the seams and therefore ruin the big day,causing op to hate her and get in a fight with her. the son would take the mothers side,split up with op and stay with his dear old ma forever.

Either that or she's trying to exert her control over the op by er...trying on her dress

pigsinmud · 20/04/2010 12:55

Yabu - She tried a dress on that's all.

It's only a dress. Can't believe everyone is reading such strange things into it.

dinkystinky · 20/04/2010 12:56

Agree with notwaving - its out of order to offer to buy a gift for someone then assume you can do with as you like because you bought it. I respect other people's boundaries and possessions and would not assume to try on someone else's stuff just because it was there. I have however come across people the other way - including an ex flatmate of mine (who I barely knew) who used to help herself to my clothes, pillows and wine without asking first which used to drive me crazy as I would never have done that back to her. However, OP, I suspect this will have very much been a one off so I'd let it go I guess.

MamaVoo · 20/04/2010 12:59

Keep the peace and get her to store it for you after the wedding too . In a couple of weeks it will just be a pain in the arse taking up all the room in your wardrobe.

Katisha · 20/04/2010 13:08

I'm not usually anti MIL as I will be one myself one day (only have DSs)
.
The thing that I suppose bothers me most about this is the bit about the MIL being "emotional" and therefore Never To Be Confronted in case there's a scene. So therefore she probably does whatever she likes as no-one will ever give her any boundaries. I just want the OP to set those boundaries now while it's not too late. And at least register her disquiet over this.

(And I still think it's odd to try on your future DILs wedding dress FWIW!)

blouseenthusiast · 20/04/2010 13:08

I would calm down - think you are overthinking it and shouldn't make a scene with mil about it. She did a slightly odd thing and confessed to it, er, that's it.

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