Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off at mil for trying my wedding dress on !

144 replies

em83 · 20/04/2010 09:20

getting married in two weeks, just a last minute thing before we go on holiday, just wanted a simple wedding at registery office with me, dp and our 3dcs and inlaws (i dont get on with my family) and wanted to spare expense.
i had plans to buy a trouser suit for me, dresses for the 2dds and a shirt and tie for dp and ds....
then mil offered to buy me of our outfits for us provided mine was a dress " as you will regret it later" were her words, i thought if shes paying then why not !!
so to cut a long story short i got a lovelt dress from debenhams , however with limited space in our house i asked if we could keep it at their house.
when we were there over the weekend she said "the dress is lovely but very long, its even long on me , (she about 3 inch taller than me)and she seen the look on my face and went on to say i"i couldnt resist trying it on" this has pissed me off my dp wont say anything to her and im rather pissed off about it !

OP posts:
girlywhirly · 20/04/2010 09:51

She was extremely unreasonable to try on your dress. However, she has highlighted the problem of it being too long! So to make it up to you, I think you could say to her that you are unhappy that she tried it on and therefore spoilt the specialness of it, so you will have to wear something else, or have it shortened professionally.

If she gets upset, let her. She might have paid for it, but that doesn't mean it's hers to do as she wishes with. How would she have felt if someone had done the same to her with her wedding dress? I think she should pay for the alterations, if you decide to wear it after all. Then keep it at yours until the wedding. Is there some way you could personalise the dress that makes it 'yours' again? A detail or trim added or removed or replaced? That she doesn't see until the wedding? Plus accessories, shoes, bag, jewellery etc. that she also hasn't seen.

bluecardi · 20/04/2010 09:54

I'm surprised how many people are offended by the mil - but I wouldn't be.

oldraver · 20/04/2010 09:56

Go and buy what you want, tell her you couldn't possibly wear a dress worn by her

Katisha · 20/04/2010 09:56

Yes well being a very emotional person can be rather conveninet can't it, if it means everyone is scared stiff to disagree with you.

Frankly this could be the start of probelms to come and I reckon you need to establish your relationship with her right from the off. ie you are not going to meekly accept her carrying on how she likes, and be too scared to rock the boat in case she kicks off.

Not sure what the way forward with this one, apart from actually saying to her that you were unhappy with this behaviour (which is frankly wierd) and that it has given you very mixed feelings about the dress.

femalevictormeldrew · 20/04/2010 09:56

Oh my God. YANBU at all. I would be very, very annoyed if someone did that to me (not least my MIL). She is worse, actually, to have tried it on in the first place (and then say it to you).

RockSteady · 20/04/2010 09:58

she was a bit out of order but no point having a confrontation about it now, i'm guessing she knows exactly how you feel about it by the look on your face when she told you!
I'd be pretty annoyed but not much you can do now

femalevictormeldrew · 20/04/2010 09:58

And I think I would be saying "I think I'll exchange the dress for a different one if ya don't mind".

Original poster
em83 · 20/04/2010 10:00

also, she is a 16-18 and the dress is a 14, dont know how the hell she got it on !

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 20/04/2010 10:01

Go and unpick one of the seams em and then tell her she must have split it when she tried it on and can she pay for you to get another dress

Original poster
em83 · 20/04/2010 10:02

would love to exchange the dress but its "the perfect dress" i love it, wasnt in stock instore so had to order online using her card details cant take it back to the shop as like i say its on her card

OP posts:
Katisha · 20/04/2010 10:05

Reckon you still need to say something to her.
eg
"I just have to say, I am really stewing over the fact that you tried my dress on and it feels like a real invasion of my day. I am really grateful to you for buying and I don't want to cause a scene, or take it back as it is so perfect blah blah but I feel I have to say this to you and clear my head over it. OK I've said it - now let's forget all about it".

Hopefully it will make her think in future...

Angelcat666 · 20/04/2010 11:15

YANBU

Personally, I'd refuse to wear it but that's me.

notwavingjustironing · 20/04/2010 11:20

I would dig my heels in and buy a trouser suit. Its a bit passive aggressive, ie in the grand scheme of things, it's not like she's torn it or spoiled it, but it's a bit of a power trip for her.

"I bought this, so I have the right to behave the way I want, regardless of your feelings".

If you don't put your foot down now and deal with it, it is a resentment that you will harbour, and then the next thing will happen, etc etc.

ShadeofViolet · 20/04/2010 11:25

YANBU - Im really shocked that anyone would think that it was okay!

MillyR · 20/04/2010 11:27

It is very, very weird. Why woman try on a dress that is going to be worn by her own's son's bride? It is very creepy.

I wouldn't want to wear the dress in your position.

MillyR · 20/04/2010 11:28

That should have been 'why would a woman...'

5inthebed · 20/04/2010 11:30

Did she do the housework and dishes in it like Monica off Friends?

I'd be annoyed, but don't let it ruin your day. Try it on when you next visit, and see what you think about the length. If it is too lon, then maybe take it back and exchange it or get it altered.

sparkle12mar08 · 20/04/2010 11:34

I would be livid, no, beyond livid. That's just awful. I would have to say something - Katisha's suggestion is a good one. You have to deal with this now and set out some boundaries, you really do. But once you've done that, don't cut off your nose to spite your face - if it is the perfect dress, then go ahead and get it altered and wear it with pride.

Good luck x

traceybath · 20/04/2010 11:34

I would quite simply go and pick the dress up and say its off to the dry cleaners to be cleaned as its looking grubby from being tried on so much and then you'll find space at home to store it.

She has been totally unreasonable and I hate the whole 'oh she's so emotional we can't upset her' - well tough.

And I'm generally on the mil's side but honestly - I'd be pissed off if it was any old thing she tried on without asking - let alone your wedding dress.

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2010 11:37

haven't most off the peg dresses been tried on at least once before? I wouldn't be happy about this particularly but I think I'm missing some fundamental rule of wedding dresses that everyone else knows but me...

Tinasan · 20/04/2010 11:42

Gosh I'm really surprised by all these outraged responses, why get yourself all worked up about it, it's really not a big deal? She was extremely generous to buy you the dress after all, and if she'd realised you'd be so annoyed by her trying it on I doubt she'd have told you. The poor old soul was probably just trying to recapture a moment of her youth, weddings always make people reminisce and get a bit emotional. Can't you just be the bigger person here, forget all about it and focus on having a great wedding day?

Katisha · 20/04/2010 11:43

i think th epoint Stealth is not that it's got dirty or anything, or even that someone else has tried it in - as you say things get tried on in shops all teh time.

It's
A) She seems to think it's somehow hers as she suggested it, bought it and is now keeping it at home

but worse

B) This is the wedding dress for her son's bride. And she wants to see what it looks like on her? That is very weirdly odd to me.

StealthPolarBear · 20/04/2010 11:46

well the OP asked her to keep it, she didn't suggest that. She paid for it, yes, again as she offered (and I agree with the people saying if the OP wants to wear a trouser suit she should).
Yes, I take your point (b) but was it necessarily that it was the OP's?? I wouldn't mind the chance to try on a few if I had the chance.

RockSteady · 20/04/2010 11:46

she only tried it on and was keeping it at her home because op asked her to!
i don't think she's got some weird oedipus type thing going on, i think she just wanted to try on a pretty dress

JaneS · 20/04/2010 11:48

As well as what Katisha said - the OP says her MIL is a couple of sizes larger than the dress! So she must have squeezed it on.

Swipe left for the next trending thread