To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

[Rollergirl1]

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

Is there not a "Wounded Martyr" section of Mumsnet. Only there's a veritable cohort ready to sign up. Can't any of you recognise the difference between what Rollergirl described and the various other pertinent reasons why people might communicate loudly with their children?

No, because what Rollergirl decribes is me, - exactly me.

D'ya know, having just looked at the previous page and discovered I was a playground bully and now have no class, I'm minded to explain precisely nothing. But I am minded to fuck off, eat my supper and not bother with this topic again.

Avril: I was expecting to be called unreasonable and am fine with that.

I notice that you decided to leave out the other, quite possible reason to your 3, that of "performance parenting" (that someone else quite brilliantly summed up).

We all see things throughout our day. And we all question the things we see, rightly or wrongly. But what is a world without question, curiosity, debate and dispute? We can't all agree. So let's agree to disagree, hey?

LOL, now who's the 'Wounded Martyr'!

Nice to see you here angrywasp I smiled when I read what you would say to ds if you took him swimming, I often have to do this.

Because this is me too. I cringed when I read op, I did my ownbit of VERY loud parenting in the park today, which I was embarassed about. Especially as there were some 'regulars' in there who I have started saying hello too.

I don't want to have to explain to everyone I meet why I have to relate to my son the way I do, but I was feeling self-conscious and I did look around, and now I've read this I realise the other mums at the park probably think I was showing off.

Pikelet I think the thing is, although nobody meant any harm and this thread was started all in good fun, surely the strength of people's reaction is telling you something? And actually, loud parenting is something to different to what you thought?

Please don't patronise me. No, that's your notion of what you think I think "performance parenting" is. Don't even begin to tell me what you think I see and comprehend.

totally agree with op and pikelit.

Lighten up fgs!
It's okay to chat to your kids loudly or not - it's bloody annoying to show off about how erudite and sophisticated your 2yo is. That's all this thread is about, it's not that serious.

Rollergirl I don't think anyone here is directing any anger at you. In fact in many ways this is an excellent thread because it has given some of us the opportunity to challenge persepctives, which we don't get to do in real life much tbh so might come across more strongly than you feel is fair.

I don't expect for one moment that you meant to upset and that it was supposed to be a light-hearted jokey thread. I can also imagine on another day, with different people it could well have gone very differently. Please don't get defensive. We KNOW you didn't INTEND harm.

In fact, possibly, quite possibly if your OP was worded a bit differently we may well have joined in with the judginess to some extent. Some of us with children with SN do tire of competitive mums who think their child should be 7 reading years ahead instead of just 5, when our children don't yet know which way up to hold a book iyswim.

But that's exactly the point i'm making. Opinions are exactly that, an opinion. How can you even begin to pass judgement on what i comprehend? Or not?

Just skimming the thread and it seems to be a whinge-fest about 'Middle Class Parents who actually talk to their children' and don't roll around chomping on crisps with Staffies on tow yelling at their numerous offspring to 'shat 'da hell up'.... or did I misread....

I have to agree with AngryWasp here..
if the conversation you'd reported was more of the 'oh, do leave those Jacqueline Wilson books alone, Hortensia, and come and show the lady how well you can read Ulysses' variety (e.g. a bit more hyperbolic), it wouldn't have raised hackles.

The issue is that is sounds extremely like an average conversation that might be carried out as part of an ABA intervention. When I read it, that's the first thing I thought of.. and how would anyone here know otherwise from the post?

And this is AIBU.

Angry: Thank you. I am really not after a bun-fight. But I do think people lose sight of the point of AIBU sometimes.

I admit to actually feeling a little ashamed that I quite possibly judged this situation without thinking about the why's and wherefore's. But I really didn't mean any harm.

And I think this is about the most humble i can get....{grin}

Well I guess we kind of took your OP as what you comprehended, and it looked like you possibly didn't comprehend a lot. For some of us it was a mirror and that is why it sat uncomfortably.

Like I said, I know it wasn't your intention to upset, and sometimes threads just go like this. People jumped in to defend you and were a bit mean to those who objected which put up the backs of people who were hurt to begin with and there it decended.

I still think it has been a valuable thread.

I think the thread has perhaps gone this way because many people can envisage themselves having the conversation in the OP with their DC whether or not the DC has a SN - e.g. talking frantically to get the child to concentrate and actually put some clothes on without shouting or losing temper.

Some of the examples given later in the thread e.g unquietdad are far more absolute in the sort of performance thing and I think that makes people feel uncomfortable and judged for something they thought was actually an unequivocal good thing - i.e. talking to and encouraging their child.

Sorry massive x-post

You'd hate me then, I talk to The Cub all the time. I don't use baby words with him though which narks the heck out of some people in the family

It's not for other people, it's for us.

IfYouDon'tLikeItYouCanFeckOffSomewhereElseTiggaxx

I do find it most amusing when a mummy who's having a grumpy moment has a bit of a rant about something that's just rubbed them up a bit the wrong way.. a couple of normal carefree mummies agree that yes, even though the person in question (in this case a mum 'parenting loudly')most likely has their kids best interests at heart - they are f**king annoying. Then everyone else jumps on all offended (are you really offended? are you attention seeking? Are you proving a point?!) claiming to have been 'upset' like they've never had a petty irrational rant about anything in their lives!

How hilarous. Noisy, attention seeking parents ARE annoying. Fair enough talk to your kids, if they have learning difficulties then yes, this will be more exagerrated. But there is a lot of over the top attention seeking parenting about... and its annoying.