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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a teeny bit irritated by people who "parent loudly"

434 replies

Rollergirl1 · 16/04/2010 15:16

I was at the swimming baths yesterday and there was a mother with her toddler DD getting her dressed into her swimming costume. They were sat the bench just across from me and mother kept up a running commentary in a booming jovial voice the entire time...

" Come now Evie, shall we take your trousers off now? What colour are your trousers? Are they pink? Can you say pink? Oh good girl! Can you stand up for Mummy? No Evie, stay here like a good girl. Gosh you are a little monkey aren't you. What sound does a monkey make? That's right. Okay, shall we bring Ducky with us? What colour is Ducky? Is he yellow? Oh you clever thing. Can you say ducky? What sound do ducks make? Quack quack yellow ducky." And it went on. And on.

It really isn't a crime atall but I got the distinct impression that it was all for everyone else's benefit and she was expecting everyone in there to comment on her exceptional parenting and how well she interacts with her child, and isn't Evie just the cutest little thing and how old is she.........when instead I was just thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!

I know it probably makes me sound like a right cow but I just find the whole "look at what a great parent I am" thing kinda irksome.

OP posts:
McSnail · 17/04/2010 08:19

Quote: "a dog once winked at me."

Which end?

legspinner · 17/04/2010 08:21

at UQD's pubic parenting!

AnnDaloozier · 17/04/2010 08:36

lol
it was a Rather Dapper Dog

AnnDaloozier · 17/04/2010 08:37

i htink the idea that no one judges you leads one to think that you are perfect an cannot be judged.
surely

CheerfulYank · 17/04/2010 08:44

I too think the OP is being misunderstood. There are parents like me and I'm sure like you who are just generally talking with their child, explaining things and teaching their children, like all parents should.

And then there are those who are obviously doing it for show. I've seen parents not saying a word to their children and then as soon as someone passes by "Oooh loook, look at that sign! What does that sign say? Can you read that sign? What letter is that? Right, a B, and what sound does a b make? Oh yes, very good! And what else starts with B?" all the while looking around furtively to see who's noticing their fabulous interaction. As soon as they're alone again, silence.

I also dislike it when parents loudly discipline their children in front of others. I have a friend that does this. We'll be at the park and her kid (who's a bit dramatic) will start crying about something, and my friend will shout across the playground, "DD! What does crying solve?! That's right, nothing! Now get over here, front and center (the mom is ex-military)and let's have a talk!" Of course everyone's staring at this point.

But oh well. To get back to the point of the OP, no YANBU to be annoyed, but at least the mother is speaking to her child and not completely ignoring the kid or leaving him/her in the backyard guarded by her boyfriend's pitbull so she can nip down to the corner and score some smack.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/04/2010 08:46

Well, that was a nicer way to put that you think we misunderstood, than bolding and shouting FFS at us and rolling eyes

CheerfulYank · 17/04/2010 08:50

Also PMSL@ UQD's pubic parenting...need we call SS?

I understand what you meant, UQD, about "Alfie." It's one thing to be me a middle class parent who feeds their child organic hummus b/c it's who you are and your parenting choice, and it's another thing to do it and think that it makes you superior. Is that what you meant?

Dalrymps · 17/04/2010 09:19

I do this sometimes. I hope people don't think i'm showing off when i do it though, although I couldn't really care less if they do think that...

It is not for anyone elses benefit, it is because ds is as crafty as a box of monkeys and it's the only way to keep him occupied and out of michief when shopping! Tbh i'm so used to doing it I don't really notice I am iyswim.

It's either a running commentry or ds on the floor tantruming/pulling items off shelves etc

hazeyjane · 17/04/2010 09:28

Jesus, I think I'm just going to carry on doing stuff, without worrying about whether I'm being judged by someone else (maybe if you read enough threads like this one, it makes you uber aware that everyone is listening to your conversation/childrens name/discipline technique etc etc-and thinking you are a bit of a twat).

Funnily enough we have just started talking slowly and clearly (for some reason it is always loudly too), repeating everything dd2 says (on the advice of a SALT) and yesterday I was in the park saying to her, 'is that right trendyname was it a tyrannosaurus rex, was it a big one, did it roar .....'etc etc - so UQD public parenting thing made me laugh and at the same time.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/04/2010 09:30

Yes...I think the reason these threads upset people is that you go around wondering if you are being judged, and hoping not, but these threads show that people ARE doing it all the time, and pretty harshly.

Northernlurker · 17/04/2010 09:46

I don't think this thread has got to nearly 300 posts because some of us 'misunderstood'. This is a nasty thread picking on an aspect of parenting which is entirely positive for the child and which the op has no way of knowing is ever done for 'public effect'.

AnnDaloozier · 17/04/2010 09:49

you must walk around with your eyes closed.

Pennies · 17/04/2010 09:50

There's a woman at the gym that does this and it otoally winds me up. Last time she did it my two were having a bit of banter that was a notch or two too loud so I made a point of explaining very clearly and a touch too loud so this other woman would hear that it is very rude and annoying to talk so that everyone else could hear every word. To which DD1 (5yrs) said, "Oh well that lady does it all them time".

I have never felt such pride!!

grumpypants · 17/04/2010 10:01

YANBU - there is an absolute difference between showing off (which usually demonstrates what a fab parent you are)and generally chattering away. Examples:
Several times I have been stopped in M and S by old ladies to be told how lovely it is to hear me chattering away to the dcs [preen emoticon]
However, so pleased with myself that ds had discovered cheese (camembert etc) following finally growing out of the dairy allergy that I deliberately talked about this with him in a kind of 'I'm so cool, my pre-schooler eats Brie way only to finally establish loudly which one he liked best ('A square one? Feta? Hmm, extra mature cheddar? Oh, it's yellow? etc) - processed cheese slices That taught me!

Northernlurker · 17/04/2010 10:13

No Ann I don't but neither do I walk around drawing unpleasant conclusions from perfectly benign and constructive behaviour.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/04/2010 10:16

Im taking DS and DD to the Natural history museum on marathon day (deathwish I know)
Im soooo going to loudly call DS "Alfie" and ask him about he eating habits of stegasaurus'!

I can see where people are coming from with the "that could be me" comments but I can also see that this thread wasnt intended as a dig at parents with children with SN it was meant to be a light-hearted moan at the parents that talk loudly at their children then look up with smug smile on face desperately trying to catch someones eye so that someone can congratulate them on being the best parent in the world!

AnnDaloozier · 17/04/2010 10:18

as has been explained several times

but no if you dont talk to your kid LOUDLY FOR NO REASON you are a heroin addict abusive parent it seems

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/04/2010 10:21

I certainly didn't take the thread as a dig at parents with SN, and can perfectly see the spirit in which it was intended. I (and others I think) just got a bit concerned as you can't obviously see my DD has SN and so thought "oh, people are probably thinking I am a twat"...basically. (they are prob thinking it anyway but I thought there was a new reason now!)

But in the scheme of things people are thinking loads of things if you have a kid with SN so it doesn't matter really!!

fartmeistergeneral · 17/04/2010 10:36

Northernlurker, PLEASE just read this post and see what you think (then I have to hide this thread or I may explode)

Woman (for example) talking LOUDLY to her 4 year old in a very public place. "Yes, darling, there are three aubergines in my basket. I know you can say 3 in French, German and Spanish. Say it now!!!" Then the mother looks around beaming to see who is watching.

THAT's the kind of thing the op is meaning! Do you see where she is coming from now?

NOT just talking in a loud voice.

kitcat1977 · 17/04/2010 10:40

Think I know which site you mean, McSnail. Can't be bothered with it any more!

OrmRenewed · 17/04/2010 10:41

If I met someone like that fartmeister, I think I would have to generate a war of attrition - and counter (in slighly louder voice) 'Sweetheart, can you just reach the Quinoa for me - no, the organic one. Yes that's right. I know you chilren insist on taking care of the planet' .

And she what she comes back with...

OrmRenewed · 17/04/2010 10:43

Come ot think of it I just can't see it happening round here at all. 'Loud parenting' tends to involve bad words and shouting

dawntigga · 17/04/2010 10:49

rollergirl1 I quite often think fondly of Mr Hicks reading threads on MN - esp about child birth. My likening the normal (for some) bodily function of being pregnant to sneezing - am too much of a coward to use Mr Hicks likening - has been greeted with much derision until I point out some salient facts Also, with the professional competitive mums (I tend to leave the amatuers alone) pointing out the fact their child isn't special to anyone who isn't them tends to go down in a similar way to a lead balloon.

Somebody from work asked me (whilst taking The Cub in for the first time) if I still thought pregnancy/birth was a normal bodily process for women like sneezing. Queue smug grin from them and a yes from me. Smug grin quickly slid off their face

AllInRLAndIHaveToBeALittleTickedOffToDoItTiggaxx

GinSlinger · 17/04/2010 12:09

I'm sure that when I joined MN there was a very similar thread to this which was treated in very good spirit with loads of people coming on to tell their stories.

The Fartmeistergeneral has it just right with her aubergine story.

LeQueen · 17/04/2010 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.