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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to answer the door?

53 replies

strawberrycornetto · 12/04/2010 20:45

I am often on my own overnight because DH works away. I just had someone ring and knock quite persistently on my door. I didn't open it but did go and ask who it was. It was a young looking guy who said he was from a homeless charity. I said I was busy and didn't open the door.

AIBU to think that charities shouldn't be knocking on doors at almost 9pm. It really frightens me when people knock like that and makes me feel really vulnerable.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 12/04/2010 20:47

Have you got a viewer and a chain at your front door? You don't have to answer the door though and I think post 9pm is unreasonable.

southeastastra · 12/04/2010 20:48

no they shouldn't! have been a few thread on here about chuggers knocking on doors now. really pees me off. i had a go at one girl who knocked as i know a couple of my neighbours are elderly and would be worried by someone knocking so late.

Original poster

strawberrycornetto · 12/04/2010 20:49

I have got a chain but I don't really like to open the door even with it on, in case it could be forced open. (Ok, I sound a bit pathetic even to me now!). The door has glass panes, although they are not entirely clear you can see someone is standing there from either side.

I am moving out of London soon, but I do hate feeling so vulnerable.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 12/04/2010 20:49

I never answer my front door unless I am expecting someone, day or night

Fliight · 12/04/2010 20:49

no, don't answer, and always ask who it is - usually it will be something innocuous, like the wrong address for a pizza, charity person etc.

i agree its out of order and really inconsiderate. Waking children up, scaring old people etc.

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2010 20:50

It's not very often I answer our door, I'm unreasonably antisocial and think it's my door and I'll open it (or not) if I want to

I don't feel guilty about it, only unless I get caught out like I did when Parcelforce looked in the window and I was hiding behind the door lol. I brazened it out when I opened the door and he didn't mention it either

ZZZenAgain · 12/04/2010 20:50

I don't think that's acceptable. I'd feel frightened if I were at home alone and it isn't a great time anyway, families will generally have dc in bed who might be woken up etc.

I expect people are working such long hours these days, that they are making these calls later and later.

Original poster

strawberrycornetto · 12/04/2010 20:51

Glad I am not alone then.

Once someone banged really really hard. My heart was thumping but I did open it in the end because when I looked I could see it was the delivery man from our local chinese takeaway. He had the wrong address .

Right, I think they have gone so I can stop hiding in the back of the house and go back to the TV!!

OP posts:

Fliight · 12/04/2010 20:51

Oh the glass door problem, I hate that - do you have a curtain?
Though of course to open the door you need to draw the curtain...we have a solid wood one now and I fitted a viewer thingy, which isn't much use but does help sometimes.

I always wonder if they can see light through it. must test that sometime...

i am a big wuss with the dark anyway.

Thediaryofanobody · 12/04/2010 20:53

YANBU but then I'm the type of person who only answers door and the phone if I'm expecting someone or I know who it is.

Vallhala · 12/04/2010 20:53

No YANBU not to open the door.

Why do so many of us feel obliged to open our doors, even if it's late/we don't know the caller/are in pj's etc? It's almost as if we have some cultural moral code drummed into our heads which says that we mustn't appear rude or unwelcoming.

It took me years and years to get out of that mindset but now I don't answer the door to anyone I don't know if it's late or if I'm suspicious of them, to charity tin-wavers or to anyone else if I'm not appropriately dressed or prepared for visitors... and they can knock as hard as they like for as long as they like, it's my home, my front door and I decided who I open it for!

overmydeadbody · 12/04/2010 20:53

Nope you are NBU.

I don't answer my door either, unless I want to. I am a single mum and get jumpy whenever there is a knock at the door as DS and I recieve regular verbal abuse and threats from a crazy neighbor, I have been advised by the police not to open the door to anyone if I don't want to, especially if they are shouting and threatening me!

scurryfunge · 12/04/2010 20:54

It's not pathetic Strawberry - My DH works away in the week too. Friends know to call first and I can identify the neighbours usually. Sometimes I don't even answer the phone, as I should be able to relax and enjoy my home in the evenings without interruption( er...sound like a recluse now)

overmydeadbody · 12/04/2010 20:56

Valhalla I agree.

Same goes for my phone. Just because it's ringing doesn't mean I'm gonna answer it.

Rockbird · 12/04/2010 20:56

Never answer mine either. No one I know pops round unexpectedly except my brother and he always rings as he's knocking. Everyone else can bugger off...unless I'm expecting a parcel

traceybath · 12/04/2010 20:56

Our nearest neighbours are about half a mile away and if DH is out/away there is no way I'd answer the door at night.

I very rarely get unexpected callers - the last one was 2 army officers looking for a field to put some stuff in.

Fliight · 12/04/2010 20:57

It's scary when someone sounds very persistent though...that's why I try and sneak a look out the window or something, because I get scared it's someone who means us harm in some way, and I'd rather know iyswim! Wish there was a way to see them without risking being seen.

scurryfunge · 12/04/2010 20:59

It's a bit big brother Fliight but you could set up CCTV at your front door and see who's at the door on your telly!

Original poster

strawberrycornetto · 12/04/2010 21:03

I know what you mean Flight. It's the fear that if I don't answer they will then try to actually get in.

Hadn't thought about the phone but now you mention it I feelthe same about that. I also hate voicemail messages, especially on my blackberry (how antisocial am I?!)

OP posts:

Fliight · 12/04/2010 21:13

What I need is just someone big and burly to move in. That would solve everything.

ZZZenAgain · 12/04/2010 21:21

might take up too much room and leave a mess in the kitchen.

Maybe a recording of a vicious sounding snarly dog near the door. Switch it on and thump a big cushion against the door to add to the effect.

It's scarier at night. Rmember being at home with my brother and sister when we heard something downstairs and my sister sent me down to investigate. She armed me with a kitchen axe.

Looking back you know....

Fliight · 12/04/2010 21:23

LOL

Oh but think of the feeling of safety.

I'm rubbish, even can't bear to be up when the kids are asleep...not that they would shield me from attack, or anything.

outnumbered2to1 · 12/04/2010 23:08

i don't open my door to anyone if i am not expecting them. i also tend to keep door from hall into living room closed so that no one can see in through glass panels on front door or peek in window beside door.

But then i am a single mum and tend to be a bit of a scardey cat in the house on my own at night..... lol

VirginonRidiculous · 12/04/2010 23:34

Isn't there a cut off time that 'Canvassers' are aloud to bother you? I find your experience pretty intrusive. I would think about making a complaint. Imagine an old 80yr old deary in bed and having to get out and answer the door in her flannelette nightie for shite like that.
On a telephone calls, I'm a bit of a meany. If I hear that 'call centre 3 second silence' before the operator speaks I quickly put the phone down. [slaps hands as if brushing of dirt] job done.

GrimmaTheNome · 12/04/2010 23:39

I quite often don't answer the door during the daytime when DH is in.

Anyway, YANBU, after about 8 is unreasonable for strangers to be knocking on doors. To do it persistently is way out of order (except in the case of mistaken address)

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