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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to answer the door?

53 replies

strawberrycornetto · 12/04/2010 20:45

I am often on my own overnight because DH works away. I just had someone ring and knock quite persistently on my door. I didn't open it but did go and ask who it was. It was a young looking guy who said he was from a homeless charity. I said I was busy and didn't open the door.

AIBU to think that charities shouldn't be knocking on doors at almost 9pm. It really frightens me when people knock like that and makes me feel really vulnerable.

OP posts:
choclab · 13/04/2010 07:49

I hate it when that happens , i had someone yeasterday morning 8.00am DH gone to work , kids in bed , a big man knocked at the door , i opened it foolishly , he barley spoke english and i couldnt really undrestand what he was saying , he said hed come to do my plinths ....kept saying it , we are having some work done so i did for a second think maybe but i just said who sent you ? he then said Richard ? i did not reccognise the name at all so sent him on his way , called my DH and he said no one is coming today and i would have told you if there was , lock the door he could be casing the joint ...

and then later that night another man with a clip board , again came round , asking me if i could do a survey for him , i couldnt understand what he said either as he to was foriegn ....

thinking about getting a chain now ....

sorry about my bad spelling ...oops

MrsVidic · 13/04/2010 07:57

I had someone come to my door yesterday afternoon and asked if my parents were in I asked why and he told me he wanted to see if he could make our bills cheaper

So I told him they were on holiday for 2 weeks

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/04/2010 08:16

MrsVidic thats hilarious. I often have people asking for my parents. Im going to try that one.

StepSideways · 13/04/2010 08:24

YANBU

KaraThrace · 13/04/2010 08:32

YANBU - I hate people ringing on the door, calling me on the phone (and mobile if I don't recognise the number) and leaving me voicemail messages, I am unsociable too!

electra · 13/04/2010 08:42

YANBU - this is my pet hate, actually. I agree with anyfucker - I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. And it really annoys me that some people seem to think you have an obligation to answer the phone or the door, just because it is ringing.

The last few weeks I have had to deal with a scrap man who keeps knocking on our door, ringing the door bell and then when I don't answer it he peers through the letter box! He wants our crappy old volvo that is just sitting on the drive Yesterday he was back again. It's harassment for people to keep knocking when you don't answer grrrrrrr.

It's not safe, anyway - I have seen programs on crime watch about people answering the door to someone who then just barges their way into the house. You never know if that will be you. Your home is the only place you have which keeps you safe from other people.

choclab · 13/04/2010 08:50

Yep i agree electra ...

what gives them the right to come and knock anyway its our property ...I didnt invite them to ! nor do i want them to !
and when you dont want anything or send them on there way , they look at you in a funny way ... but sorry i never asked you to call ...grrrrrr

from now on my door will be locked and i wont answer unless i know who that person is ....

anyone know where you can get a sign to put on door saying ...do not call if uninvited ?

gosh that was a bit of a rant first thing in morning ...oops

AnyFucker · 13/04/2010 09:39

I am the rudest person in the world to unsolicited callers at the door and cold-callers on the telephone. I surprise myself sometimes and certinly make my DH and children squirm.

I have some sympathy that many of these callers are just trying to do their job so I am never personal about it. I just say "No thankyou, and please don't call again".

Then I immediately close the door (if I bothered to answer in the 1st place) or put the phone down. If they don't get the message they then get both barrels.

choclab · 13/04/2010 09:41

lol like your style..

MissWooWoo · 13/04/2010 09:53

are you me Anyfucker? the last time I had some religious folk at my door (sweet little old ladies too) I took one look and said "No thankyou, I don't believe" and promptly shut the door . I caught my dp filling out a charity form the other day, he had been suckered in and was about to commit himself to 3 years worth of monthly contributions which he realised when he got to the end of the form (he thought he was making a one off payment). Oh! I said, that guy called round this morning, I couldn't be bothered to open the door so stuck my head out the window to see who it was and sent him away with a flea in his ear

I don't mean to be rude, I just haven't got the time and if you give 'em an inch they'll take a mile

Oenopod · 13/04/2010 09:57

I must be the weird one. Where does the paranoia come from - how many people do you actually know have had someone 'barge through the door'?

I answer my door, with an optimistic frame of mind, it might be an old friend popping by on the off-chance. A neighbour needing help or trying to tell you that there's a bloke in the back garden trying to break in your bathroom window.

If I don't want the watchtower leaflet they are trying to deliver then I just say thank you but no, and goodbye. Or offer to set them straight about religion... you can have some interesting conversations!

I do live in a very small, rural village now, so we don't get the chuggers, etc, but I used to live in Central London and had some very odd callers at the door - some of them nice and others not so nice.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/04/2010 10:06

I do think some of you need to get out of the mindset of 'Boohoo, I can;t look after myself without a MAN around,; because that is a bit pathetic, you're adults (and most unexoected callers are not murderous or intent on robbing you, they're chuggers, superstitous crap-peddlers or canvassers who will piss off if told to). Though I do agree that there is no reason why you should answer the door/phone if you don't want to, and I say this as someone who is a market researcher and does knock on doors all the time.
However, seeing as I work for a Proper Market Research Company we have a code of conduct: no knocking after 8pm, go away immediately with a polite smile if refused, etc and my own policy is no peering through letterboxes or persistent knocking and ringing unless I really think one doorbell isn't working. I appreciate that not eveyrone wants to do a survey or answer the door to a stanger/. And I always avoid houses that have No Canvassers or Callers By Appointment ONly signs.
You can get these from your local council or police station or just write out one yourself and stick it to the door. I have seen some very comprehensive ones along the lines of 'No sellers, no market research, no free papers or pizza leaflets, no religon JUST GO AWAY'.

Fliight · 13/04/2010 12:35

thanks for that, SGB.

I was being tongue in cheek about a bloke, you know that. Fact is I am anxious being on my own at night, not becasuse there's no bloke, but because there's no one full stop. It's down to me to protect the house and the kids, and it's a bit of a responsibility...I don't like being called pathetic by anyone other than myself, when it's appropriate.

It's not pathetic to be scared by someone banging on the door when no one is expected, or by being alone in charge after dark. It's humanity.

scurryfunge · 13/04/2010 12:36

SGB, my mindset is not that I need a man to look after me, it's about being comfortable in my own home and not be disturbed by people late in the evening. If I'm on my own with DS in the week, I want peace. Of course not everyone is out to rob us but there are plenty of incidents in my area of artifice burglaries and scammers.

Bluesunday · 13/04/2010 13:13

YANBU. I never answer my door if I'm not expecting someone, day or night, and I have a "no callers please" sign on the door. This doesn't work for the religious groups round here who just ignore it, but then I just point at the sign and close the door. Sounds very rude, but if I've just been interupted in the bath or in the middle of a nap (I'm early PG and knackered) or I've got the tea on, I'm not in the mood to be polite!

AnyFucker · 13/04/2010 16:36

sgb is very bossy these days, isn't she

telling us all how we should feel 'n' all that, questioning our "mindsets"

my mindset is I am a curmudgeonly old trout who hates to get off her fat ass to answer the door yet again but there ya go

I do however, have sympathy with lone women

there has also been a spate of burglaries round our area of nice cars sat on the driveway

knock at door...thieves push their way in...demand keys..if not given immediately said householder gets coshed round the head with a baseball bat or even a machete

nice

GrimmaTheNome · 13/04/2010 16:43

You don't need a man; what you need is a small dog who sounds like a big one.

Pepsiginn · 13/04/2010 17:42

YANBU at all. I never open the door if it doesn't feel right. Night or day. I've had a charity knock on my door last year in the dark and i opened the door (because husband was home) and told them that i thought it was completley irresponsible for them.
I am fortunate to live in an area that i feel safe in - but i still ask for id from anyone prior to letting them in my home. I don't care if it's an inconvenience for them - if they really are from southern water or the electricity company they will expect to be asked and won't take offence.
Stick to your guns girl.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/04/2010 18:29

I've never lived with a man, so I have never been able to indulge in boo-hoo girly tendencies like being scared to answer the door (or use public transport after dark, another piece of 'women can't cope' crap which has always annoyed me).
Generally people who knock on your door want to annoy you, not rob or assault you, but if it is a mad murderer with heavy artillery on the doorstep, the fact that the person who answers the door has a PENIS will not actually save you.

Missus84 · 13/04/2010 18:33

I never answer the door unless I'm expecting someone - not because I'm scared or think someone will force it open, but because unexpected callers are always irritating and trying to sell me something (whether it's electricity or religion). Same reason I never answer the phone to withheld numbers.

MeMudmagnet · 13/04/2010 20:18

I took the batteries out of my doorbell years ago, because it irritated me.

Now, people stand on the doorstep being ignored. The ones who know me, go straight round the back to be eaten by the dog and everyone else eventually gets bored & buggers off! Perfect

Fliight · 13/04/2010 20:21

SGB now you're being even more offensive, Just stop it will you.

I'm not 'indulging in boo hoo girly tendencies' so basically, f off with that crap. You haven't even read what I wrote, I explained it had nothing to do with whether it was a bloke or not.

Why are you being like this?

Fliight · 13/04/2010 20:24

Oh so many things you have got wrong, like not wanting to be out alone after dark being because we are told 'women can't cope'

No, it's because statistically women are much more likely to be attacked or raped than blokes are.

It's human nature to be guided by statistical risks and take sensible precautions.

Women being scared hasn't made society more dangerous for them, has it?

Oh - and the last time I lived with a 'man' I was 20, and he was 18 - not much more than a boy - and no, I didn't 'indulge' in anything like what you are assuming. It's such an arrogant post altogether.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/04/2010 20:30

Men are far more likely to be assaulted than women though.

But the fear of crime keeps women away from being 'out at night'.

Fliight · 13/04/2010 20:32

Is that so? Well, whatever - it's more likely to happen if you are out alone after dark. That's my point really. Male or female, it's about putting oneself at risk - not necessariy anything to do with what gender you are.