to be irritated at parents accompanying their kids on university visits?

[AmberTheHappyLuddite]

Why do parents do this? I've seen dozens of them in the last few weeks, standing on either side of their offspring like a couple of pot dogs... Why are they there? The decision of which university to go to is not theirs, it has nothing to do with them - these are young adults not babies. It seems bizarrely intrusive to me - I visited all of my potential universities independently, including one five hundred miles away. Nor did I consult my parents about where to go, I informed them of my choice. However, this was a few years ago and my parents put a heavy emphasis on independence.

Let your kids do this alone - it has sod all to do with you now.

"The practical info - number of taught hours etc - is all available these days on websites."

There are Uni which look fine on paper but are just not right when you actually see them in the flesh. I think that a visit is a must and am surprised at the current trend of applying first and only visiting afterwards.

Sorry Oblomov, I didn't put that very well. Your name is one of my favourite books and it always makes me smile, I wasn't implying anything else. Should have explained that

But I still think you're wrong!

I took my dd1 to two open days. The first, because she hadn't done a long railway journey on her own before, and the second because it was much easier to drive. However, she also went on her own to look at one where the journey was easier.

I was surprised by how many other parents were there (approx 2/3rds of the students were accompanied), also that in both cases the universities were geared up for it.

There were separate tours and Q&A sessions for the parents and the students, which I think was very good, as parents could ask their questions, without the students feeling overshadowed. I hardly saw my dd all day, but had good chats with the other parents.

I don't recall anything like this when I was looking at uni's 30 years ago, but it seemed a good idea to me.

nb We now take dd1 up to uni at start/end of the year, but all the other journeys she does on her own by train.

I agree with Grendellsmum that parents can be a problem on open days. I used to help run open days and we would have to separate the parents from the kids to get the kids to open up and ask questions.

I don't have a problem with parents going along, but some parents do make it harder for their children. The question I got asked the most was 'Is it true that the first year of uni is a doss and you can drink all day?' They couldn't ask that in front of their parents. But they did really want to know!

The parents' questions would be along the lines of 'Surely it's better for my child to go into catered halls so I can be sure he's eating properly?' I think some parents do find it hard to let go.

But he who pays the piper calls the tune...

But parents are far more closely involved than in the past in every aspect of their children's education - from which primary school they go to, onwards until they leave university.

When I was a child we all went to the nearest primary school; we all took the 11+; we all went to the secondary school dictated by the results of the 11+. IIRC there were no parents' evenings - there was an annual report & that was it. There was no PTA, no Friends of School, organising fund-raising & social events, no hand-wringing over which school we would or wouldn't get into.

Things are have changed so much now (not for the better in many ways ). But still, parents are involved now; should they switch off post-GCSE?

OP says her uni visits were "a few years ago" - exactly how many, OP?

I accompanied my daughter when she looked at universities, she asked me and I was interested in going, we both enjoyedit. Don't understand what the problem is so YABU. DD made the decision about where to go and is certainly not tied to my apronstrings. I support her a certain amount each month and she has a part-time job as well (8 hours a week) so hopefully won't end up with too much debt. When I applied many years ago I had to have an interview at the five I chose, some I went to on my own and a couple my father took me to.

YANBU - shocking

ds said there were requests for parents to leave oxford and cambridge open days and medlink (medicine course thing) last year - to make room for students

allow your children to grow up fgs - it's nature

lol at princessparty.

I think you've forgotton the risk of your child being abducted by aliens from the train station...

Seriously, I would expect a 17/18 year old to be able to catch a train by themselves and look round a university. BUT if for whatever reason a parent accompanies, they should't take over but let their child take the lead and just hover in the background.

If I had gone to University I might have asked my Mum to come and look round with me. I value her opinion highly and I enjoy her company (though I would go with a freind for preference.) Doesn't mean anything more than that really. In fact, she left me to make my own decision about which secondary school to go to, what GCSE's to do, 6th form, a-levels...the lot.

On the other hand, some parents really do get too involved. I interviewed a graduate for a job a couple of years ago and not only did his Mum come with him, but she was making calls for him and wanted to get involved in salary negotiations! Frankly, she put the kibosh on him getting the job at all and we told him so.

Harlot - much the same as myself and dd. I enjoyed it as a mum/daughter day, dd made the decision of which uni herself.

dd asked me if I wanted to come. There was no smothering at all.

At the end of the day, does it really matter if parents attend uni open days or not? Surely it is up to the individual. There is no right or wrong.

my son and his mates also sniggered at the ones with mum and dad and i will also admit to some adult bitching with friends about parents who accompany them....

I find it a bit bizarre too. I have members of my staff who are always asking for days off to take their children to visit unis. I think they should go themselves, particularly when you are visiting 3 or more. I am close to my mum and she dropped me off when I started (with all my stuff) but it would never hve occurred to me to get her to take time off work to ferry me round to interviews.

I accompanied dd solely because she wanted me to. But I did not ask any questions. That was her job. I dont really think it matters whether a parent is there or not and at that age they should (if they want to) be able to travel to a uni visit (and poss overnight stay) by themselves.

at one university where ds was interviewed the porters nudge nudge wink winked to ds about the 'mum and dad mentality'

I am accompanying my daughter on a Uni visit in a couple of weeks. I can't wait - I get to escape from my house for two days and leave the care of my severely disabled DS to DH. We are staying in a cheap hotel together and are going to enjoy each other's company as we don't get much of a chance to at home. It's our treat.

As to the university, it's up to her. She makes her own decisions, but at least we can discuss it. The last Uni we visited together was full of parents - don't see the problem really.

donkeyderby - hope you and your dd have a lovely time.

Donkey - enjoy it. That was partly the reason I went - a day out together! Squeezed in a bit of shopping, a couple of Costas and a meal!

What is this word "uni"?

YANBU

I belive there will be many reasons for parents accompanying children to Uni.

If my dcs want me to accompany them for an opinion, I will. I won't, however, attend the interviews, etc. At that point they will have to be able to do it all by themselves, on their own merit, not mine. (And some me time shopping sounds good, too!)

And similar to notquitenormal's mum at the job interview, I do know a parent who contacted her son's uni to discuss his grades with the tutor, on the grounds that she was paying for the course and therefore had a right to know! Of course, the tutor did not tell her anything, but said she needed to speak to her son, if her son wanted to, that is.

She grumbled to me about this, thinking the tutor was being unreasonable, but I was shocked at the helicopter attitude, and told her that if I were hiring staff, I wouldn't want someone whose mum tried to dominate, because I couldn't be sure s/he would be able to cope with the work!

I bet there are university staff who have probably come across similar parents.

Can we please differentiate here between open days & interviews?

Obviously a parent attending an interview would be crass and wrong - but looking around the campus on an open day? Is that really so pathetic?

(And porters nudge nudging? It's quite clear which impressive universities are implied - we get the message )

Katisha - you know fine and well what 'uni' is. You may not like it but its here to stay!

From the OP:

"The decision of which university to go to is not theirs, it has nothing to do with them [the parents]"

What rot - ofcourse one of the most major factors in people going to university is their parents, who put them into school, house them, afford their children an environment where they can achieve entrance to a university!

And let them go if they want to, why not? If their son or daughter is cool with it, then why on earth not?

Silly, silly, silly.

(can I just clarify- my mum drove me to my interviews, but did not stay- we were being assessed from the moment we got there, to have mum staying on would have been a big negative)

YOu are right of course, Venus. But I don't have to like it.