To have had enough of ex-wife's quack b**s***

[stoat]

So partners little boy comes to stay with us every other weekend and it is great. No probs with that. But control freak ex-wife (actually still wife, they are not divorced yet.... long story) is an "allergy therapist" and every time he comes there is some new friggin food he can't have. It changes every few weeks coz she "tests" him by bending his arm. Load of rubbish in my opinion but I tolerate it but now I am sick of it all interfering in our lives. Latest thing tonight is that he can't "run around" tomorrow as he has "had a treatment" that needs to "settle". So no tennis for us as planned.

There's medical science and there is superstition. The NHS do the science part(mostly. I understand they are throwing out the homoeopathy quacks now) and the people with the little crystals do the superstition part.

Arm bending is a new one on me. Does it matter which arm? Is it perhaps right arm for meat you're 'allergic' to and left arm for vegetables?

And btw what a coincidence that it should be turkey at xmas and chocolate at easter.

Belief isn't necessary to science btw. Gravity works even if no one is looking and wishing hard.

They didn't believe in the arm-bending my DD1's doctor did either, as a testing method, but it was 100% accurate. She also went through the skin-prick tests (exILs also pooh-poohed these) which gave the same results.

May I add that your 'crystals' remark had a lot going for it in terms of elegance, a real zinger, and ever so clever. Same goes for the witty 'tinfoil hat' comment.

Allergies ate real and potentially life threatening. And they can be tested for. Arm bending is not, however, how you test.

Medical science is not an unchanging phenomenon, Onagar.

Leeches used to be the cutting edge of medical treatment. Until Queen Victoria made it popular, pain relief during childbirth was considered ridiculous. Lobotomy was popular as a treatment for mental health problems until about 60 years ago.

One reason for the existence of medical journals all over the world is to broadcast new approaches to disease and health conditions, new drug therapies and protocols that are superior to older ones, etc.

Millions of dollars, euros, pounds, etc., are poured into research annually. It's not a static science.

"Medical science is not an unchanging phenomenon"

Absolutely true. But quackery remains quackery too.

if this is all to prevent a runny nose (didi read thatright) then she's curtailing his life to preventsomething that children have 50%of the time
wft is arm bending??

lol - Its not ''arm bending '' but resistance of the arm to downward pressure- still a load of tosh.
The dairy and mucosa thing has been scientific trialled and disproved ages ago but keeps being used by various practitioners.

The Mum need to read ''Bad Science''

However having read this, the fact seams to be that these treatments are being used for control ? does indicate Münchhausen by proxy ? even in a very mild form it can be very damaging but an lead to escalating patters of behaviour if the Bm finds it psychologically rewarding . I think its very irresponsible for people to say you must always respect the BM opinion

You get the "ahem" client to hold out their arm and you try to push it down - telling them to note how much force it takes for you to push it down. Yon then get them to eat, hold, look at or in some cases even think about the potential allergen. You then repeat the "pushing down the arm" thing. If it takes less force to push the arm down, you tell your client that they are sensitive to whatever it is, and charge them fifty quid.

Could the mother provide the food permitted?

I don't think the fact that science 'is not static' means you have to believe everything though does it?
There is a lot of nonsense spouted regarding food allergies

agreewith mrsr - that sounds like the biggest load of horse's poo I'veever heard.
Sheis abusing him if hedoesnt have a normal childhood because of this crap

MUnchausens by proxy is a very rare and very serious disorder, it is not something armchair warriors can diagnose based on a couple of posts by a biased observer.
Seriously, you're as bad as Mrs Arm-Bender and her nonsense.

It is up to childs father to disagree with the mother, not his girlfriend. WTF is wrong with him?

agree with that runnybottom, the father needs to make his opinion known. There's nothing to stop him taking the child to a specialist to get to the bottom of this killer runny nose

and when I say specialist I probably mean someone who knows about ENT issues, not chief arm bender with a master's in crystals

as the OP is affected she is entitled to an opinion and to question, but not to make decisions on her DP's DC's health. Really her DP should arrange for a visit with DC, exW to the GP and/any alternative practitioner. btw 'arm bending' sounds bonkers (just my opinion)

I am a stepmum. If one of my stepchildren came to stay and was not able to partake in the weekends plans we would still go and they would sit out with one of us.

We would not change our whole weekend on the one instruction from EXW. We have 5 children to consider and it is highly unfair on the rest of the children.

We have been a step family for 5 years now and have found that constantly jumping through the EXWs hoops made us feel that we had no control over our own lives and that actually there is nothing wrong with DH exerting his parent views over his EXWs from time to time. We maintain civil communication for the sake of the children but as long as they go back to their mums healthy, happy and confident we will continue to do what we do - which is live our lives how we wish to, not by the whims of someone else.

mjhiding, yes, is it a privilege to hear the followng?

Mummy does not like you.
Mummy says I don't have to listen to you.
Mummy says you have to do what daddy says.
Mummy says I am not allowed to make you a card for mother's day because you are not my mum.

Imagine using your child in this way....very sad. Anyway 5 years on I don't have to hear it anymore because I have built up a genuine relationship with my stepchildren and they care about me enough not to repeat any of this rubbish to me.

Privilege is not a word I would have associated with step parenting in the beginning but now I view my stepchildren as gifts to my life. It did take a long time to get there though and with no help from the EXW.

Im not too sure about the negative stance on the arm bending... my dd4 was given a check by a peadi on her joints , her arms , legs, feet and hands were all moved, bent, unbent by the peadi.
Do have a friendly chat with the ex, ask her who DSS`s peadiatrition is?, who is the specialist that hes seeing , its sounds a bit like an exclusion diet .... mabey she does have a genuine concern .

mjinhiding - OMG ! thats terrible , how could any mother throw her children out onto the streets?... poor kids... but at least you and your dh/dp are there for them.