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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that my friends kids have TRASHED my house

115 replies

superv1xen · 07/04/2010 20:53

I am really really houseproud and have not long moved into a new house which me and dp paonstakingly painted and did all sorts of DIY to make it lovely.

well, today I have had two of my friends round with their kids )aged 3 and 6 respectively) and they are right messy little buggers

their mums (my friends) are not at all houseproud (to say the least) and let their kids do what they want. in their houses no one ever removes their shoes in the hall but I insist on it and they invariably forget and tramp their grubby child shoes all over my carpets!

and today while we were in the kitchen they were playing in the lounge, and one of them has climbed all over my sofa and put their greasy little paws all over my freshly painted matt walls!!! I have handprints on them now. have only just noticed, I have tried to clean it off but I dont think its going anywhere it would NOT have been DS as he is strictly forbidden to do any kind of climbing in the house.

they played in the garden for a while and, inexplicably, one of them also brought a load of mown grass into the lounge
(obviously i politely asked him to take it back outside)

also they absolutely trash DS's bedroom every time they come round and try and go in the other rooms upstairs (why oh WHY do kids do this??)..and the 6 year old was throwing DS's toys down the stairs for some reason.

am I too OCD? do I need to chill a bit? the parents say nothing BTW.

and I cant say anything because these girls are my best friends.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 07/04/2010 20:55

You need to chill ...

Fel1x · 07/04/2010 20:56

yes, need to chill

siblingrivalryisrelative · 07/04/2010 20:56

I feel a bit sorry for your DS being 'strictly forbidden to do any kind of climbing in the house'

However, if my children get toys out in friends' houses they know they have to put them away.

TBH none of what you have written would bother me! If you're that houseproud maybe you shouldn't have guests?

5inthebed · 07/04/2010 20:56

YABabitU, especially with the hand prints on the walls. Kids are kids, they arent mini adults, and not everyone takes their shoes off at the door.

Meloow out a bit, and next time don't let them into your DC's rooms.

Fliight · 07/04/2010 20:57

It sounds horrible,

yes the no climbing sounds a bit intense but otherwise, you have every right to be upset.

This is why I never invite other people's children round! goodness knows coping with the mess my own make is bad enough.

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 20:58

3 and 6 is a little young to take responsibility for this,Shoes off fair enough but adults need to supervise that. Mess and children go hand in hand. I think if you invite them over you have to expect some mess. Do playdates somewhere else in future.

EmilyStrange · 07/04/2010 20:58

I think you may have to ban small children from your house or you may have a nervous breakdown.

bradsmissus · 07/04/2010 20:59

I don't think a 3 or 6 year old would make a mental scan of the house and think "Ooo, they've put a lot of work into making this house nice, better keep my grubby hands off"

I can understand why you are peeved but did you honestly expect it to stay perfect when you have a child?

ocdgirl · 07/04/2010 21:00

chill, if you say anything to your friends will anything good come from it ? friends are way more important than a tidy house

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 07/04/2010 21:00

They sound like normal kids.

But it's your home and your right to maintain it how suits you.

So tell them.

The shoe thing is easily sorted. When they come in, say shoes off please and stand there till they do it.

When they climb, ask them to get down. If they can't be left alone, don't leave them alone.

If they play outside, check them as they come in.

If you do all this, their parents will get the message in time and hopefully will start to take over from you. (although they may well laugh at you behind your back, people do that I have noticed when someone is what they believe to be over fussy about the house)

Or meet somewhere else if it bothers you so much.

But something to think about - it's not nice for a child to be scared of making a mess in their own home. And when you look back at your son's childhood, you are not going to think "Oh, I did keep a tidy house"

Houses clean. Walls paint. Mess hoovers up. Children grow up and move out. Enjoy them.

Original poster
superv1xen · 07/04/2010 21:01

what on earths wrong with not letting DS climb in the house?? my furniture is not a playground he has his climbing stuff in the garden! and he is only 3 - I do not want him falling and hurting himself.

i love to see my friends and DS loves to see their kids so I couldnt not have people round. anyway everyone I know has kids anyway.

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 07/04/2010 21:02

ROFL

There are few people on this planet more houseproud than me - so I am indeed pleased to meet you, OP.

But I am guessing you have one DC, and that one not school age.

You'll relax over time, I reckon

lal123 · 07/04/2010 21:02

fgs they are kids - that's what kids do!! I think you need to chill a bit and realise that your house is not going to be your own for the next x no of years until DC leave home!

SilveryMoon · 07/04/2010 21:02

My ds's are allowed to play and to climb and whatever else. Although i would class myself as being quite houseproud, I also think there's not much point in having anything too nice while they are young (mine are 14m and 2yrs).
I had a friend and her dc's over a few times, and her dc's completely trash my place, but it can be easily tidied up again, so that doesn't really bother me. I drew the line at her ds1 drawing over my bedroom wall. They will not be coming here again.
I'd be pissed off with the handprints too, but they'll come off won't they? (the pen hasn't, walls will need to be re-painted. My fault though for leaving a pen on a low table I suppose)

cakeywakey · 07/04/2010 21:03

I think that you need to have a word with your friends - your house, your rules - and they need to respect that.

You sound a little OTT about keeping things 'just so' though TBH, so be prepared that your friends may not understand where you're coming from.

usualsuspect · 07/04/2010 21:03

Theres a perfect handprint of my dgs on my hallway wall ..makes me smile everytime I see it

BillieJackson · 07/04/2010 21:06

They should remove shoes in your house if that is your rule, and they shouldn't be alllowed to just routinely wreck rooms in your house and then leave without clearing up. Their parents should be enforcing this, so yes, I would have a gentle word. However, you do sound really anal. Life is short. You will not lie on your deathbed patting yourself on your back for keeping your matte walls pristine. You will remember the sound of laughing children and all the fun they had in your home.

starmucks · 07/04/2010 21:07

Apart from ban child guests, realistically what are you going to do about it? I can understand the frustration but kids are messy and there is nothing to be done about it. Now as I look across at my beautiful ligne rosset modular sofa, remembering how I painstakingly chose the colour and waited 12 weeks for it to be made in Italy and delivered - so that DS1 aged three and DS2 8m could one day cover it in milk, choc, and any number of revolting bodily excretions. The pain eases with time.

RooBear · 07/04/2010 21:11

if your friends aren't as houseproud they probably won't see anything wrong, as other posters have said though it is your house and maybe just mentioning this to your friends the next time (if there is ;)) they pop round.

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 21:11

you have a boy that listens when you tell him not to climb on things, prey tell your secret

ThatVikRinA22 · 07/04/2010 21:15

gosh....i think your a bit extreme really - you can just repaint the grubby prints quite easily. i had a mate whose child stuck a magnet on my flat screen telly....now thats what i call trashing. little sod. and they never bothered to offer to repair or replace either.

i think a few grubby paw prints and a bit of mess is to be expected with kids, so id say if you dont like it then dont invite them over. (but you will seem mean!)

shockers · 07/04/2010 21:17

I'm not at all houseproud but my children are not allowed to climb on the furniture or throw toys (unless the toy is a ball and it's outside!)

They are allowed to make dens out of blankets and dining room chairs though... the sort of thing my Mum used to call "wet weather play".

If it's fine, they play in the garden and can climb to their heart's content.

Having different rules for indoor and outdoor makes sense to me.

You do come across as a little bit hysterical in your attitude to dirt though... handprints on painted walls are par for the course when you have children... aren't they?

Original poster
superv1xen · 07/04/2010 21:18

i dunno wolfnipplechips - he is just a lovely, well behaved little boy plus he is quite OCD himself, he walks AROUND puddles, gets cross if he gets mud or anything messy on him, he loves baths, likes his room tidy and chooses his own clothes!! (cant think where he gets it from ;) )

I have 2 kids anyway (to the person who thought I only had one child!) my youngest is 10 months so she is quite easily containable!

I am nice though, not some horrible anal control freak or owt! I am just proud of my house! i have spent years living in horrible rented shitholes but recently been lucky enough to have been given a housing association house that I have managed to make really nice as I finally have a house that is a)mine for as long as I want it and b)not a complete shit pit!

OP posts:
mumbar · 07/04/2010 21:38

Can kinda see where your coming from as I have had my my HA flat for 2 1/2 years now which was brand new when I moved in with magnolia walls and beige carpet!!!I wanted it to stay that way but .... Yes they now have evidence of children having been in the house!!! But it does wash off altho will never look like it did when I moved in!!!

YANBU to expect people to take shoes off etc I do and so do most peeps I know or not to let children climb on furniture. My best friend is much more lax than me her children (4+6) draw and put stickers on the walls etc and she tells them off but it's still done again. Thats her choice - personally I would have gone mad to the point doubt my DS would dare to do it again!! They DO NOT and WOUlD NOT (hopefully!) do it here as they know I don't allow it and when things have been done that I've asked them not to - but they've done again anyway -I've simply made them chose a toy and play it in the lounge where I can supervise.

YABU to expect walls to stay perfectly pristine wait til the 10 mth old gets a bit older.

It's your house, your rules but do try and chill just a bit and enjoy your friends company when they visit.

4pinkbabies · 07/04/2010 21:39

Actually I do not think you are BU. I am the same. Very houseproud and I have 4 kids!. My house, my rules. Everyone takes their shoes off at the door, including the endless stream of students that I tutor. God knows what state the floors would be in otherwise!. NO kid is allowed to jump on the furnitue or eat or drink anywhere other than the table. Everyone has different house rules, but you MUST be firm enough to enforce them. I even have a 'no toys in the lounge ' rule. I am not mean but I do care about my house and have no spare cash to replace things or constantly repaint. I often have my kid's mates round and they all know the rules. The one who picked a massive hole in the wall does not get invited any more!

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