that my friends kids have TRASHED my house

[superv1xen]

I am really really houseproud and have not long moved into a new house which me and dp paonstakingly painted and did all sorts of DIY to make it lovely.

well, today I have had two of my friends round with their kids )aged 3 and 6 respectively) and they are right messy little buggers

their mums (my friends) are not at all houseproud (to say the least) and let their kids do what they want. in their houses no one ever removes their shoes in the hall but I insist on it and they invariably forget and tramp their grubby child shoes all over my carpets!

and today while we were in the kitchen they were playing in the lounge, and one of them has climbed all over my sofa and put their greasy little paws all over my freshly painted matt walls!!! I have handprints on them now. have only just noticed, I have tried to clean it off but I dont think its going anywhere it would NOT have been DS as he is strictly forbidden to do any kind of climbing in the house.

they played in the garden for a while and, inexplicably, one of them also brought a load of mown grass into the lounge
(obviously i politely asked him to take it back outside)

also they absolutely trash DS's bedroom every time they come round and try and go in the other rooms upstairs (why oh WHY do kids do this??)..and the 6 year old was throwing DS's toys down the stairs for some reason.

am I too OCD? do I need to chill a bit? the parents say nothing BTW.

and I cant say anything because these girls are my best friends.

Will your friends think you are being unreasonable if you try and enforce your rules - would they start avoiding you and cut you out? If yes then you really have to make a choice as to what is more important - your house or your friendships - no right answer - really up to you.

our reputation is intact hahaha, he's back and done us proud. (or so the other mother says, she could of course be lying!)

Actually he's walked in knackered and has been nasty to his sister so far, all the responsiblity I heaped on his young shoulders has taken it's toll clearly!

I think there's a fine line between house proud and living in a show house. I love my house to be clean and tidy though it's not always possible with two young children, it's generally pretty OK. Shoes off is generally expected nowadays but the other things are just what can go with the territory of having children. You'd have to ban every child from your home (including your own to keep it perfect. I HATE going to MIL's house because it doesn't feel like a home at all, there's no warmth there, just a sterile environment where I'm too scared to drink a cup of tea in case I spill it. I can recall her yelling DH like a banshee because he wiped his feet on her doormat after coming in from the rain and made the doormat a bit dirty. (He WAS just about to remove his shoes). She's a lovely lady but she has said to me many times how much she wishes she had played with her three boys more when they were young rather than stressing about the kitchen floor. She has a pretty rotten relationship with all her children and my DH says all he can remember from his childhood is her yelling at them to keep everything 'just so'. So I reckon you need to chill a bit.

It is not normal or healthy for a child of three to dislike walking in puddles. Stop obsessing or the other kids will take the mickey out of him when he goes to school.

You sound like you like having a perfect home more than you like your son to have friends!

I would be cross. I don't allow shoes in the house or any furniture climbing at all, and would be cross with my dc if they behaved otherwise elsewhere. Toy throwing?! No way, they're to play with not throw at things.

Just my opinion though! Perfectly possible to play in clean home .

As for not allowing climbing or bed bouncing because it's 'dangerous' - lady, your child is going to be a very frightened child if you don't stop this neuroticism.

Everything that could be fun in his life is 'dirty' or 'dangerous'. he won't learn to play with other children safely if you don't let him play like other children. I've seen it happen to an old friend's child who, at aged eight, now clings to his mother in public ("You might get LOST!", won't go on any playground equipment ("You'll fall, get DOWN, STOP CLIMBING, it's DANGEROUS!"), won't touch paint or playdough ("Don't get that all over your hands, wash them, WASH THEM NOW!") or play in the garden ("YOu are getting your jeans FILTHY! Get in the HOUSE and get in the shower, there is MUD on you!!!")

It's heart breaking and that's where you're heading. Incidentally, I haven't visited her for 6 years, since my eldest was mobile, because being at her house is horrible.

yanbu,my daughter doesnt trash our house and i woildnt expect anyone elses to. what were their mothers doing?

I agree with you superv1xen I am houseproud too and my children NEVER climbed on the furniture or put their hands all over the walls. They're normal kids and had a normal childhood but just learned to respect our home. Is that so wrong?

I am actually amazed that so many are happy for kids to climb on furniture and think it's the norm

Astonish ornage paste gets marks off walls really well though

I'm not so anal that we live in sterile environment as I have two white dogs and dark wooden floors and red rugs.......

Hah! If you saw either of my DSs, I think that you would find that they are joyful, confident, energetic, vivacious, and adventuresome children. They just know better than to jump on furniture in a house, and stick to jumping on trampolines and in soft play areas. They have their share of bumps and bruises which I don't mind and know it's normal.

Pretty large leap from me saying I don't want my children to jump on furniture because it is dangerous to saying that my children are controlled, meek little mice with personality disorders! You certainly do have quite the imagination.

Op YANBU, I like you am very house proud and my DP is very ocd about walls. Yet I think for your own sanity you should either not have other peoples children round who are 'messy little buggars' or adapt.

By adapting I'm not saying let your house go to shit, but rules- for example don't let them upstairs/ in the dining room/ kitchn and therefore centralise the chaos to the lounge/ playroom and outside.

The shoe thing- unless you pick the parents up on it/ remind them before they enter your house (in a friendly way) they will not remember. I have funky childrens slippers for our friends children and they love putting the massive dog slippers on!

Your walls- will get prints on- just touch up quarterly and ensure hand washing after meals.

At the end of the day- if you can't relax when people are round- you wont enjoy it!

I kind of sympathise with OP but then I am mega uptight where dirt is concerned. But there is a happy medium - let them trash the playroom, or garden, or set one room aside and then just whisk everything into baskets/cupboards.
I would be slightly deranged about the mud and handprint but I am seriously uptight!
Bouncing on furniture I hate, but mainly for the safety angle - friend's dd did this and broke her collarbone. But that's what spring, gardens and trampolines are for I guess.

I feel your pain, I hate a mess.

YANBU - I'm all for children having a good time but rules and boundaries a GOOD for children to learn and I think that keeping hands off walls, not jumping on furniture and not bringing outside dirt in are fairly standard rules even for a 3yr old to abide by (I have a 3yr old btw). It's important for children to learn to respect their environments - and to tidy up after themselves.

Can you not discipline the children if their mothers can't/won't? I have a friend whose little boy often tries to jump on our couch and I just remind him that 'we don't jump on furniture in this house'.

Yan being entirely U... your friend's should care about how their children behave at your house.
Couldn't you have a suitable piece of furniture and spare slippers/flip flops where you place young children and remove their shoes?
And if those are your friends, couldn't you just say, oh wow it took us months of DIY to get those walls painted could you help me stop them destroy the hall they're throwing the toys etc...
Make it sound like you need to stop your child and ask them to help.
Or maybe you need to arrange to meet for lunch served at yours and then quickly get everyone out of the house e.g. to the park where you wear out the children! (bribe your child to beg you for a trip out to the local museum/fun park)

YANBU my nephews are the same whenever they come here! It drives me MAD!!! I work 30h a week, spend most of the evening tidying and cleaning, and when ever there here, they drag everything out, tip out ds toy boxes, help themselfs to juice and crisps, and are just brats in general, my sil laughs it off, saying "there just boys" My ds is no angel, but he knows to treat other peoples homes and property with respect.