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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that my friends kids have TRASHED my house

115 replies

superv1xen · 07/04/2010 20:53

I am really really houseproud and have not long moved into a new house which me and dp paonstakingly painted and did all sorts of DIY to make it lovely.

well, today I have had two of my friends round with their kids )aged 3 and 6 respectively) and they are right messy little buggers

their mums (my friends) are not at all houseproud (to say the least) and let their kids do what they want. in their houses no one ever removes their shoes in the hall but I insist on it and they invariably forget and tramp their grubby child shoes all over my carpets!

and today while we were in the kitchen they were playing in the lounge, and one of them has climbed all over my sofa and put their greasy little paws all over my freshly painted matt walls!!! I have handprints on them now. have only just noticed, I have tried to clean it off but I dont think its going anywhere it would NOT have been DS as he is strictly forbidden to do any kind of climbing in the house.

they played in the garden for a while and, inexplicably, one of them also brought a load of mown grass into the lounge
(obviously i politely asked him to take it back outside)

also they absolutely trash DS's bedroom every time they come round and try and go in the other rooms upstairs (why oh WHY do kids do this??)..and the 6 year old was throwing DS's toys down the stairs for some reason.

am I too OCD? do I need to chill a bit? the parents say nothing BTW.

and I cant say anything because these girls are my best friends.

OP posts:

Monty100 · 08/04/2010 01:01

Agree with those who say someone's house is not a playground. I would never have let my dcs do that. I have had families here for Sunday lunch and the house (and garden) has been wrecked. But that's because the adults were drinking too much wine chatting so much.

ElleBing · 08/04/2010 01:06

I had friends with LOs round for lunch a few weekends ago and TBH my house looked like it had been burgled by the time their 3 LOs and mine had finished BUT...

My friend did offer to help tidy it and she did tell her LOs to calm down a bit when they started rifling through my kitchen drawers and using spatulas/slotted spoons as weapons If the parents are aware of what their LOs are up to and can conrol them if necessary, I don't mind the house resembling a bombsite. It's when they sit there with an inane grin on their faces whilst your belongings get wrecked that I get a wee bit

LadyBiscuit · 08/04/2010 01:12

I have just uploaded a photo to my profile of what happened to my living room last summer when a couple of friends came over with their DC

ElleBing · 08/04/2010 01:14

That's pretty tame, ladybiscuit

Why do children insist on getting naked to do their wrecking though? As soon as my LO takes off his clothes I know he's on the rampage.

LadyBiscuit · 08/04/2010 01:17

I know but I don't think what the OP describes sounds much worse. They had been in the paddling pool I think (obviously this was some time ago) but yes, nakedness is a guarantee of them turning feral. Our summer holiday is going to be one long rampage I fear

FleurDelacour · 08/04/2010 03:43

We are a shoes-off family plus hands are washed before and after meals too. Hence have never had many problems with visiting children.

Wooden floors, wipe-clean walls and washable sofa covers help.

It is all about anticipating trouble. You just have to be one step ahead.

Plus lock the doors of rooms you don't want little people playing in. Games of hide and seek are not appreciated in my bedroom .

barefootinthepark · 08/04/2010 05:35

Have only read op but utterly intrigued this has so much response -- there must be a lot of disagreement about it!

Vixen, the mud and the grass, all so wrong, I think you're right to be cross. If the other mums didn't care they are strange.

But the climbing in the house? I mean, children do make a mess. I think you need to set aside a mess room where you simply rake the toys to the sides every day.

I will never forget the day my four year old and his playdate took every single item in his room, the pillows, the duvets, every toy of every shelf, every book, every game, every plastic animal, every teddy, every single thing, and made a mountain to climb in the middle of the room. Everything.

This was after me thinking "aren't they playing upstairs nicely and quietly" while I got on with dinner.

I nearly fainted when I opened the door

Willabywallaby · 08/04/2010 06:38

OP I have a friend who is very OCD and I don't go round her house for fear of my children ruining her palace, it's just too stressful.

Although I do agree with shoes off and no climbing on the furniture. We stayed with a friend one weekend where it was ok to leap into the sofa, so what started happening at home...

I find if they go upstairs (mine are 4 and nearly 2 so little ones come to play with not much sense of mess) things get trashed. I just put the stair gate across before they arrive, it's the rollerblind sort and I've yet to find a visitor child or adult be able to open it!

Hopefully when you settle in more to your new home it won't stress you out so much.

Oh, and I'm very messy and unhouseproud, love your bathroom and kitchen Ladybiscuit I may have it one day

SofaQueen · 08/04/2010 07:02

I am very insistent about having a tidy house and can understand some of your irritation. Shoes off as soon as one enters a house, absolutely. No climbing furniture, of course. No dragging the outside in, understandable (although one clump of mown lawn isn't that big a deal).

However, the toys being thrown, whist not being a great thing, is just what children do at that age. Handprints do wipe off, and messes are made. As long as nothing was damaged (and it doesn't sound like anything was destroyed) then I'd just move on. Perhaps, next time, have certain rooms be made off limits as Willabywallaby suggested. In terms of outside mess, I have special shoes (just crocs) placed near the door to the garden for kids to slip on when they play there, and to slip off when they come in to prevent outside dirt being tracked in.

In terms of the jumping on furniture, it is an absolute no-no in this house. If we are at a friend's house and it is allowed there, I keep to my rules and don't let my son's jump there either. I have seen several head injuries resulting from jumping, slipping, and hitting one's head and think it is an odd thing to do anyways.

gingernutlover · 08/04/2010 07:09

YANBU

it is manners to take your shoes off at someone elses house, if they don't tell them to.

a 6 year old is old enough to know you do not throw toys down the stairs - that was bad behaviour. Tell him to stop.

grass grows in the garden, no needt o bring it inside, the mum should have told him off. I would not have politely asked him to take it back LOL, if a child does something I don't like in my house I tell them off FGS.

The getting all the toys out and the odd handprint are not so bad really though, toys can be put away and handprints can be wiped off. Although i would never allow dd to jump/climb on someone elses sofa - it is bad manners and bad behaviour.

What would bother me most would be the fact that these mother's clearly do not control their children or give them boundaries, having sadi that, the fact you didnt either probably made them think you didnt mind.

Next time they come round make them take thri shoes off at the door and when they do something you don't like just say "no, ds doesn't do that here so neither do you thankyou!"

thesunshinesbrightly · 08/04/2010 07:25

I think you should remove your head from up your arse.

Lizzzombie · 08/04/2010 07:30

Your friends are being VERY unreasonable to not tell their children off for bringing grass into the house or throwing toys down the stairs. I would be mortified if my DS (3) did this in any type of house, neat or not.

Fliight · 08/04/2010 07:32

Thesunshinesbrightly, that is incredibly rude.

traceybath · 08/04/2010 07:34

YANBU - but you are going to have to accept that other children will make a mess.

I just make sure they all help tidy up and do the whole clap hands together 'come on - tidy up time now'. I do not have climbing over furniture either.

There are some dc's who just destroy/ruin toys and that does annoy me but luckily DS1 knows my feelings on this and won't let other dc's do it now.

thesunshinesbrightly · 08/04/2010 07:35

Yes Fliight you are right, i shouldn't of posted that, just thought it.

usualsuspect · 08/04/2010 09:04

the sunshinesbrightly ,sometimes its best just to think these things

NestaFiesta · 08/04/2010 09:21

YAB a bit U. Kids will be kids and won't treat a house in the same respectful way an adult would. However, YANBU as the parents should have reprimanded them. If you are that anxious about your house, just don't invite other people's kids there. Meet them at softplay and if the weather's nice, invite them to play in just your garden.

Not worth jeopardising a friendship- we need our fellow mum friends more than ever when our children are young.

southeastastra · 08/04/2010 09:22

entertaining when people do post what they think though usual suspect

biddyofsuburbia · 08/04/2010 09:29

When I have kids round with or without mums my house is always trashed to varying degrees. Goes with the territory so possibly YANBU to expect everyone to have the same approach because rightly or wrongly they quite likely won't! At someone else's house I always offer to help clear up - or just start doing it, unless I'm told not to in no uncertain terms, and if I was there and my kids started doing things they shouldn't I would certainly tell them to stop even if the children of the person visiting were doing it.

If my kids go anywhere without me I do ask them to be careful with other people's stuff and to take off shoes etc. as a matter of course but I fully expect kids to get carried away and forget their 'training' when at my place. I think you need to chill but I don't think there is anything wrong with requesting, politely, that people observe your house rules, or be vigilant with the baby wipes if sticky fingers etc. really bother you! I also shut doors to rooms I don't want them playing in - like my 'posh' front room and our bedroom and tell them all these places are out of bounds! Sounding a bit OCD myself now.

mumbar · 08/04/2010 09:43

Ellebing your posts always amuse me!!! You are right tho!! Throwing toys down the stairs at 6 is appalling. My DS has lego which is now covered in a sheet for when visitors come round as friends dd (4) liked to break it perposfully when she didn't have her own way - message is now loud and clear!!!

I like children to enjoy themselves when visiting my house and being a single mum with 1 DS (5) I think the company is both good for myself and more importantly him.

However I have my rules - no jumping on furniture, tidy up puzzle books etc before you get another out. Unsupervised this doesn't always happen but with the promise of a sticker it soon gets put back once noticed!!

Anyone ever been in this situation - I have a friend who often ends up tidying up for DCx2 and I was round there the other week when she asked my DS and her DC's to tidy as we were going to the park. Her DC's had 20 min meltdown about it - it wasn't their mess, why should they, you do it if you want it tidy etc!!! During this 20 minutes my DS tidied it all up alone. To say I was proud is an understatement and praised him loudly and a little OTT.

I think this just highlights the expectation difference between parents. My DS always expected to tidy up toys etc and friends DC's get away with not doing it by having tantrums.

Your house your rules, I expect my DS to behave at others as he would at home (or better) and would def expect him not to do something they don't want him to even if I allow it at home.

biddyofsuburbia · 08/04/2010 09:51

hehe mumbar. DS has gone to a sleepover at someone's house and I told him he was an 'ambassador' for our family! He just looked at me like I was a nutcase!

mumbar · 08/04/2010 09:56

My ex MIL was ott bout her house and I hated taking my DS there so am very concious bout being OTT houseproud. I'll never forget the day she told her DS 8 at the time off for getting fingerprints on the outside of her fridge she'd just cleaned!!! Thank the lord my DS only 3 months at the time and just laid on floor in one place!!!

Monty100 · 08/04/2010 10:56

Pmsl at 'ambassador for our family'. Aw dear, really made me .

Good try. I'll be interested to know how his ambassadorial duties went.

Original poster

superv1xen · 08/04/2010 11:02

LOL @ sunshinesbrightly

i dont mind at all, i wanted honesty! -pulls head out of arse- -pop-

right!

I still think climbing on furniture is unacceptable, I don't like bouncing on beds either but some of my friends allow this but I think its a)a bit dangerous, and also could quite easily break the bed! (DS is only in a little toddler bed, I dont think it could withstand much bouncing)

and I have wooden floors and leather sofa's in my living room so at least they are wipe clean, I would be hyperventilating every time guests came round if I had carpets and fabric sofa's in there!!

OP posts:

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 08/04/2010 12:41

Superv1xen - I should have said that, although all my walls are still washable, I do have cream sofa and arm chairs. The covers are removable and washable, but still.....

We chose cream because we didn't want sofa/chair covers that faded in the sun, but it has been, and still is a stressful decision.

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