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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that my friends kids have TRASHED my house

115 replies

superv1xen · 07/04/2010 20:53

I am really really houseproud and have not long moved into a new house which me and dp paonstakingly painted and did all sorts of DIY to make it lovely.

well, today I have had two of my friends round with their kids )aged 3 and 6 respectively) and they are right messy little buggers

their mums (my friends) are not at all houseproud (to say the least) and let their kids do what they want. in their houses no one ever removes their shoes in the hall but I insist on it and they invariably forget and tramp their grubby child shoes all over my carpets!

and today while we were in the kitchen they were playing in the lounge, and one of them has climbed all over my sofa and put their greasy little paws all over my freshly painted matt walls!!! I have handprints on them now. have only just noticed, I have tried to clean it off but I dont think its going anywhere it would NOT have been DS as he is strictly forbidden to do any kind of climbing in the house.

they played in the garden for a while and, inexplicably, one of them also brought a load of mown grass into the lounge
(obviously i politely asked him to take it back outside)

also they absolutely trash DS's bedroom every time they come round and try and go in the other rooms upstairs (why oh WHY do kids do this??)..and the 6 year old was throwing DS's toys down the stairs for some reason.

am I too OCD? do I need to chill a bit? the parents say nothing BTW.

and I cant say anything because these girls are my best friends.

OP posts:
Shitemum · 07/04/2010 21:41

Lock them out in the garden and hose them down before they leave. Their parents will be grateful to you for sure.

BitOfFun · 07/04/2010 21:43

I have to question your use of the word "trashed" really. My dd has ripped up floorboards and scaled a seven-foot wardrobe to pull down ceiling tiles...so, nope, sorry, not feeling your pain!

usualsuspect · 07/04/2010 21:43

I would love someone to teach my dog its not ok to bring big clumps of turf into the house

zazen · 07/04/2010 21:44

Well, obviously you want your DCs to have a social life ! A solution to kids thrashing your new home - well done BTW - is to arrange playdates in the park or other outside areas, and not let them play unsupervised in your home.
That means a lot of rules and restricted play if they are in your home, unless you get out the tarp / plastic sheeting and let them at whatever messy (supervised) game they want to play.

You are well within your 'rights' you know to have house rules and to enforce them.
No shoes in our house is a fav of mine - (cream carpets {scared emoticon]), kids are pretty tolerant of our worst OCD foibles. Most kids actually like there to be clearly defined boundaries and rules.

Just close the doors of rooms that the kids are not to go into: show them around first, and tell them what's off limits.

You may need to take a deep breath and assert yourself until you have a situation you can live with.

mumbar · 07/04/2010 21:48

Oh and just to add refuse to let them have anything else out til they tidy what they have out. One friend DC (5) refuses and strops when asked to tidy - which the other day was a puzzle which was tipped on floor and then decided she didn't want to play with it - so she does it for her to stop the tantrum - who cares at least it gets done!!! (and not by me!!)

My DS funny though as he will just keep asking nicely for friend DC to tidy and refuse to let her have something else out!!!

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/04/2010 21:48

I want to know the secret of a 3yr old listening.

DS2 is 2 1/2 and he regularly climbs on everything regardless of how many times i move him tell him no etc. the back of the sofa is his Whitwoo horsey (no idea why it is a whitwoo tbh) the dining table is easy access to the window where he sits and looks at cars etc.
We have recently decorated wiping out mini rembrandt works, but have left the hallway for the time being. I also have a cream coloured suede canvass which is now decorated with his footprint and paper streamers, sequins, paint and glitter.
The fridge door having been de stickered now has a new batch of waybuloo stickers on it.

The £1800 sofa we lovingly chose and waited 14 weeks to be made is now needing another desperate clean.

My attitude is that furniture can be replaced as can paint on the walls. But the precious early years never can!!!

startagain · 07/04/2010 21:50

oh dear. it's nothing that can't be fixed so I think you should take a deep breath and get over it. Trashed is when things can't be fixed!!!
Every child is different, and they will all be used to getting away with different things.
Up to you to set your rules,taking their shoes off etc, but greasy handprints is not that bad.

sudoku · 07/04/2010 21:52

Other people's kids are always annoying...!

Your own kids know what's off-limits in their own house, but cannot be expected to know what is somewhere else...

Blame the parents...

(harsh)

mumbar · 07/04/2010 21:53

My DS sits on dining table looking out of the window which is fine but I don't like the kind of climbing which involves jumping on furniture, dressing tables etc - but then mines all cheap and/or 2nd hand so thats mostly cos I don't think its strong enough and can't and don't see why I should replace it when they can climb at the park!!!

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 07/04/2010 21:54
Original poster
superv1xen · 07/04/2010 21:56

i just find climbing on furniture unacceptable! i wouldnt want them to do it in a cafe / restaurant etc so why should i accept it in my house?

yeah i agree about the other peoples kids being annoying thing!!

but you have all made me feel better about it so thank u lol x

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/04/2010 21:58

This is why I am waiting until the kids are 18 before replacing our rather worn/ felt-pen marked/ scuffed sofas!

Handprints on the wall I can live with (have you tried baby-wipes?) Muddy feet I can live with (we have wood floors!) The mess of 1000 "bits" of toys winds me up, but I can deal with it.

However I did get a bit miffed when we had friends' dc over and the boys dived repeatedly on the Rosebud Cottage my dad bought the dd's for Christmas and broke it completely

Knownowt · 07/04/2010 21:58

You need to calm down. Did you actually tell them to take their shoes off? To me "shoes off" houses are the exception rather than the norm- I actually find the idea quite cringey- so I wouldn't expect people to do it unless asked.

moomaa · 07/04/2010 21:59

I feel your pain but I seriously recommend that durable washable paint, otherwise when you wash marks off you are in risk of washing the paint away too.

dawntigga · 07/04/2010 22:01

Chill you'll only get an ulcer!

ThinksTheHooverProtectionLeagueMayNeedACallRegardingAbuseTiggaxx

mumbar · 07/04/2010 22:03

Ah moomaa didn't know that exsisted but WOW so need some!!! My magnolia walls have an interesting grey pattern to them from dirty fingers - which smudges when I wash them!!!!

hardigirl · 07/04/2010 22:08

moving in to a new house and decorating it to your taste is always a lovely experience. however, like a lot of people, i dont have kids and it is difficult not to be ocd. however i have a 6 year old niece and a 4 year old nephew who love to come to my house and it is to be expected that there will be a mess. so i would advise you to chill because you are going to upset yourself and that will ruin your day long after your friends leave the house. i aagree with the comment that friends are more important than a tidy house. they are!!! so enjoy.

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/04/2010 22:08

I just use baby wipes to wipe walls down. And for crayon?? hairspray!

MeMudmagnet · 07/04/2010 22:09

I find climbing on furniture unacceptable too. I wouldn't want my dc's to do it in other peoples houses, so they can't do it in their own.

I don't mind 'proper play mess' though, camps made from chairs & blankets, real tea parties, with the tea set.
Toys are meant to be played with.

I don't think shoes off in the house is a bad habit to get into either.

I'm not overly houseproud and often have lots of kids over. But some people do take the piss.
One friend phoned me one Xmas Eve to see if all the kids could play at mine, as she'd just spent the day tidying/cleaning and didn't want the house messed up

sudoku · 07/04/2010 22:12

Solution, live in a dump...! I am, but still get stressed, and I hate telling other people's kids off...(and I'm too 'nice' to do that)!

Get off my IKEA sofa's, cheap wallpaper, crappy carpets,... but still....-make your kida take their grubby shoes off!!

cat64 · 07/04/2010 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 07/04/2010 22:19

Dd has had her friends round this evening
there are muddy footprints in the hall
make up on the duvet cover
biscuit crumbs all over the kitchen
toys strewn across the garden

they had a fab time and have been laughing and smiling all evening
very sad that some people don't allow their children to have friends round because of mess
it will take half an hour to clean up, max

at the risk of sounding smug, enjoy your children and let them enjoy their home
plenty of time for cleaning when they are gone

my house is clean and tidy btw
am not a slattern

shockers · 07/04/2010 22:21

chickens What had the naughty chicken done??

ElleBing · 07/04/2010 22:26

Erm, no YANBU.

Being a parent doesn't automatically mean you turn into a messy slob. God knows my DS permanently has toys tipped all over the sitting room floor and constantly climbs over the sofas BUT he doesn't bring in shit that's meant to be outdoors i.e mown grass and if he did it in someone elses' house, I'd sort it out.

FFS I HATE people who tell you that you can't be houseproud AND a mum. It's bollocks.

usualsuspect · 07/04/2010 22:29

Err but how can you stop them bringing mown grass into the house... It hoovers up whats the problem?