It is entirely possible that IABU, but if you think I am, please help me come up with something better!
DP and I got engaged two years ago intending to get married this summer after saving up, then possibly start trying for a baby about a year later after saving up again to cover my mat leave. However, we got a bit of a surprise and DS arrived in January instead - nice surprise, DS adored by all but just quite a bit earlier than expected!
We really want to get married to be married, rather than to have a wedding IYSWIM, especially we will be paying for it ourselves BUT we have lots of family and friends who expect to be invited. None of them have married recently, or paid for it themselves so don't really understand the financial implications of a "proper" wedding which they are all expecting.
We are skint as we have not had a chance to save up for the baby/wedding etc and won't have a chance now as I will only go back part-time with a corresponding drop in income.
Would it be unreasonable for us to get married at a registry office, followed by a meal at a cheapish restaurant and to invite all our family/friends to come with the proviso that they have to pay for the meal themselves? I would make it clear that we would love them to come, but we will understand if they can't, and not to give us presents if they do.
I know its a bit cheeky, but they will all be so annoyed/upset if we elope, and I can't think of any other solution other than going into loads of debt, or not marrying for a good few years when we could afford it (possibly never), neither of which I want to do.
AIBU? I genuinely would have no problem with a friend saying this to me, but DP thinks everyone will be horrified. Or have you got a better idea?